Speech and words to avoid?

Question

I heard somewhere that you shouldn't use the word "you" a lot in conversations...that it's accusatory or something? Are there other words, phrases, even body language like this?

Answer 1

Body language should be kept "open," meaning don't fold your arms, stick your hands in your pockets, etc. Maintain eye contact for several seconds, then break away for a short moment (people can get kinda creeped out if you continually stare at them). Echo what a person is saying to you. If they're venting about how an ex cheated on them, say "I can understand how it hurts to be betrayed." It's a surefire panty-peeler ;)

Also, avoid absolutes. Everyone, never, no one, always, every, none, etc. Most people know that absolutes are seldom the rule (heh, you see how I worded that? No absolutes!) ESPECIALLY avoid them in an argument!! "You never do..." will AUTOMATICALLY put your SO on the defensive, and you yourself know it's not true that they NEVER do a, b, or c.

Those are some pointers I've learned :) Hope this helps!

Answer 2

I have done a lot of training in my line of work over the years and I personally do not think using the word "you" is a bad thing. I think it depends entirely on how it used.

For example, using the word "you" can be a good thing if showing interest in a person. " I heard that YOU were a good resource to use" can be a flattering statement. Or, Your daughter is so beautiful she looks just like YOU".

It is my belief that "YOU" can get 90% of the people to do what "YOU" want them to do by asking the right way. A speech is no different. If you are addressing a crowd and the question is posed for example " How many of YOU have ever felt alone?" There would be nothing wrong with that at all.

It all depends on the context! Good question. Nice talking to YOU!

Answer 3

you might have heard that when trying to communicate with someone, the best way is to use "I" phrases. For example, if you want to address a problem with your boyfriend, you would go about it like, "I hate when this happens" or "I really feel bad when you say..." or "I really wish that..."

To use phrases like "You always...!" or "You are such a ..." is definitely more of an attack rather than you expressing your own personal situation.

And as far as body language goes, always look the person in the eye. Same goes for when they are speaking.

As far as etiquette goes, always let the person finish what they are saying before you address your point. Try not to let your emotion get the best of you (as much as possible) and don't say what you don't mean.

Answer 4

It should not be used to make a point in an arguement. Often it is perceived as being accusatory or to indicate prejudicial views. When I inadvertantly use the Y word, I cover with my inevitable," I don't mean YOU I mean the BIG YOU... all of us and our views, interpretations, feelings or whatever it is I am speaking of. I hope that helps.

Trigger words for me are "they or those people" it can connotate prejudice, intolerance or the attribution of one person's personality or actions to an entire identifiable group. When I was growing up that was considered bad manners, over time we grew braver and called it what it is " bigotted discrimination"

Answer 5

You, even in the general case (just when you think it'll never rain again, it pours), can seem accusatory in some circumstances. The most obvious example in terms of body language is pointing. This is seen as very rude in a number of Asian cultures.

Answer 6

It really depends. If you are using "you" as in everyone, some people get upset because they think you are accusing them of something they may not actually do, even if you were speaking in generalities. Like saying, "You know how your mouth waters when you see McDonalds commercials?" (May be a silly example, but you get the picture) And they say, "I most certainly do not!" Because maybe they don't like McDonalds, or maybe they think mouthwatering is beneath them.

*shrug* I've never understood why this offends some people so much. Anyhow.

Some alright replacers would be to say things like, "If one were to..." or opt for saying "Some people." Especially when you are writing papers in which you can't use "you," "one" is a great replacer. Or you could just use yourself as the subject. "Whenever I see a McDonalds commercial, my mouth waters! Does that happen to you?" It may keep the conversation moving smoother without any hard feelings.

Answer 7

Actually what you are referring to is the use of "I statements" which was developed as an effective tool in conflict management. It's perfectly fine to use "you" words in general conversation.

They have recently changed the formula used for "I statements" to make them even more effective. The traditional "I" message formula is: I feel __________, when you ___________, and I want you to _______________. This formula actually contains two "you" messages that can put the receiver of the statement on the defensive.

Here is an example of how to use "I statements" in conflict resolution:

Situation 1: Mark is yelling at James because James changed the channel on the television from MTV to VH1. Mark is calling James names and telling him to turn it back or else Mark will pound him.

Traditional "I" message : James says to Mark: "I feel angry when you call me names and yell at me and I want you to stop it."

New "I" message: James says to Mark: "Hey, Mark. Cool out, man. I'm starting to get angry. I don't like it when people call me names and threaten me. I didn't know that changing the channel was such a big deal. Can we work this out like friends?"

And yes, people believe body language over anything they hear verbally. Be aware of your facial expressions and posture. Avoid rolling your eyes, giving dirty looks, and crossing your arms. Staying open and friendly goes a long way towards keeping a conflict from escalating.

Answer 8

>Words to avoid: Um, Ah, You know, Erm...etc, <--Those are annoying in speech sometimes
>Avoid talking about yourself a lot and look at how your "audience" is feeling...if you ask a question/tell a joke and get a negative response (like a "mind your own buissness" or "that's lame") it's smart to lay off the convo
>NEVER (if you took french classes and go to a french country) use the hand-actions they show you in elemantry school in a normal conversation...the real french will think your messed
>Lastly some people say the "n word" normally....but never do that (some people get offended)
>Also dont use "I think" in hypothesis

Answer 9

hey freind
look I belive that u should always and I mean always watch up what u say
coz u are what u are in the words that come out of u ...
coz I always beleive that the words that comes out of u makes ur identity
so we have to watch them always to make sure that we are giving the right impression and we are clearifying what are we ...
but I really make sure not to hurt any one by aword ... coz believe me no one wants to hear some bad coments on himself ... that will make him get some steps back with u belive me I have seen that alot so try not to coment on others and cretisize them
and i believe that the only perfect one has the right to cretisize others ... and as much as beautiful words comes out of u the more lovable and lovely and nice u will become
but watch up if what the one infront of u is doing something will hurt him it is okay to notify him other wise do not
and if u do that u will see the effects of it
it worked for me and i hope that it will work for u ...
thanks

Answer 10

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