Sometimes I fear having kids because I'm afraid I will lose the intimate bond that my husband and i will share. Is this true? Am I supposed to be worried? I've always wanted to love my husband forever, but the thought of having kids kindof scares me because we will be less focussed on each other and possibly never sexually active again...What are the benefits?
2006-12-14 13:12:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Well in my case yes. The kids did not ruin it my husband has ruined it. My husband and usually get along well but I am sick and tired of how he treats his children. He is mean. I am ready to leave him and when I do I will see to it that he only has supervised visits because I worry that he will hurt the kids.
So it is his temper that has ruined his 3rd marriage (no kids from the first 2)
2006-12-14 14:30:59 · answer #1 · answered by cranky_gut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all your fear is understandable, having kids changes everything, but not necessarily in a bad way. It does not mean the end of your sexual relationship with your spouse either. If you two are a team and work well together having a baby will bring this out. When you have a baby you have to share the responsibility, you need to manage and budget your time. When you live around the needs of your child you experience an unconditional love unlike any other. However if your marriage is already strained having a baby is no bandaid. A baby will bring stress into the relationship, it's not easy but when you can make it work you can rejoice in the fact that you both brough this living being into the world to love and be loved by. It's something to think about. Good luck!
2006-12-14 13:18:16 · answer #2 · answered by NamGem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having kids doesn't ruin a marriage, making poor choices can though. So long as both partners agree that they want to have kids and there is a solid plan in place, there is no reason to not have kids. When there is a deep, committed love between the married couple and both want the kid, than the kid could only strengthen that bond. If you have kids with the mindset that the child is going to fix something, then you are destined to an unsucessful marriage. Good Luck!
2006-12-14 13:49:17 · answer #3 · answered by Goddess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will be sexually active - however sometimes you are just too tired. Having kids will not ruin a marriage - you will immediatly love you child like you have loved no one else. You will feel vulnerable with your love b/c you will want to protect your child at all costs.
When you and your husband are ready to have a child your bond as a family will grow. You will both have brought another person in the world that is a part of each of you.
2006-12-14 13:16:12 · answer #4 · answered by totalstressor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your question goes in many different directions... having kids will not ruin a marriage, but it will change it's focus. You will have a bond with your husband even if your marriage falls apart and you fall out of love you are both parents: the kids are yours together...it is as true as you make it...the benefits are too many to be counted, even if they do disappoint you at time...
Just remember, they are people too..
Good luck, whatever you choose!
2006-12-14 13:31:50 · answer #5 · answered by coffeegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They don't ruin it though sometimes they can cause alot of stress that might cause rifts here and there with your spouse. As far as you thinking you might not ever be sexually active again...lol...how do you think there are multiple children in one family?...lol...Seriously they can make it where you don't want to as often and it can be irritating when you wanta quickie and you think they are busy but then they knock on the door saying "I need more juice" or "Can you put it on spongebob?" but you can still get some! And the benefits are seeing your husband be a dad. That is a side of your husband that you will love and that will make you love him more.
2006-12-14 13:57:43 · answer #6 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a child (as mostly all of us are) you know that your parents may bicker, but if a couple truly love one another, they know they can get through it. They can overcome any hardships. Having kids will not make you guys less focussed on one another, it will only make you guys have to trust, love, and depend on another more.
2006-12-14 13:31:53 · answer #7 · answered by mr x krazy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kids enhance a marriage. Spouses kill it. Both need to be completely devoted. No more softball on Wednesdays, no more bowling on Tuesdays, no more 60 hr work weeks. That's why marriages fail when kids come along. It's no longer about you, it's ALL about the kids.
2006-12-14 13:19:10 · answer #8 · answered by Jim C 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. Having kids actually strengthens the bond with your partner. Also love for your children is different from love for your husband. Remember now, love is not sex and sex is not love !!! Food for thought
2006-12-14 13:57:32 · answer #9 · answered by spider 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it won't, unless you let it. Your marriage is what you make of it. If you have kids, just make sure you and your husband spend time together with each other, alone.
2006-12-14 13:16:11 · answer #10 · answered by T'Vral 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋