I was married to my ex for 15 yrs.and finally had the courage to divorce him. I stayed in this marriage this long because of the traditional upbringing I had, among many other things. During that marriage with him, I encountered physical and mental abuse from him. He was very controlling. I was always on my best around him, and at times did not know anymore what and how to do to please him. I am now very happy with my new husband who now loves and respects me. What bothers me though is that I recently found out that my ex has started joining a pen-pal magazine and is seriously involved with a nice innocent girl overseas who will be coming to the States very soon. Is it still my place to warn the new girl? I have good friends that are still in contact with my ex in a business manner and that is how I find out about things. I just feel sorry for a young girl's life being messed up.
2006-12-14 12:22:00 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, it is not your place to warn her about anything. You would look like a shallow person trying to get revenge if you tried to warn her about his behavior.
Just let the friends know what you know and ask them to keep an eye on her and to give her the support she may need.
2006-12-14 12:25:40 · answer #1 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you want to help but the truth of the matter is, it is not your place. Think back to when you had such strong and loving feelings for your ex husband, now imagine a woman coming to tell you that he use to abuse her. The fact is that people often believe what they want to believe, "oh she's probably a bitter ex-wife he sweet (ex) would never do something like that" is probably how she will write off your warning. Or she might start to believe you but once she ask your ex husband he will do everything to convince her that your crazy and don't know what your talking about. Most abuser and controlling men are charmers so it won't take anything for him to convince her that 'he would never do something like that'
2006-12-14 12:34:20 · answer #2 · answered by moks 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-26 20:06:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly if you say anything you will just look like the bitter ex and he'll just deny everything you say. You can certainly try though. If you are as sincere as you can be it will show and you can feel better at least warning her. If she chooses to stay that's her choice and she'll have to learn the hard way. It's not really your place but if he ended up really hurting her it would be on your conscience. So I say give her the heads up and then back off.
2006-12-14 12:51:28 · answer #4 · answered by copper_eos 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can understand how you feel, but it's no longer you place to interfere in his life. It's possible that although he was that way with you, he might have learned a lesson or two and may be different with this new relationship. Enjoy your life & your new marriage and let bygones be bygones.
2006-12-14 12:24:54 · answer #5 · answered by mstrywmn 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a catch 22 situation because if you do tell then maybe she might think that you are jealous and she might rebel or if you don't then they might say that you should of said something!! If you feel that you think you have to say something just to get it out in the open and to tell this inocent girl the truth then go for it!! If she doesn't believe you then you have said your bit and it is up to her to realise and get to the know the real him!!
2006-12-14 12:29:51 · answer #6 · answered by pqr 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No. You sound somewhat controlling also. You have managed to keep yourself well informed of issues that are really none of
your business. If you are so happy, live and let live.
2006-12-14 13:29:37 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. US of A, Baby! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she will not believe u, and u need to just focus on your life now, and your husband, and forget what has passed. revenge isn't as sweet as u think it might be.your away from that life now, let her make her own mistakes, and stay far away from the whole situation.
2006-12-14 12:38:21 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. are you going to do this with every girl he meets and dates? That'd be impossible. Live your own life, and only give your advice on this if asked. Otherwise, you'll go crazy and your own life will pass you by.
2006-12-14 12:26:04 · answer #9 · answered by Dark Helmet 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
nah stay out of it, you will be seeing as the bitter ex. So no matter what you say it will not be heard. She will need to experience on her own.
2006-12-14 12:24:34 · answer #10 · answered by Cyrinos 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋