Should I stay in this broken marriage, part 2?

Question

To clarify further, I got married at 19, have never really lived on my own before. We have two kids, now 21 and 24, both living on their own. He wasn't always like this, we've had good times and bad times. I have just realized that even the good times were not nearly as good as they should be.
Health issues: 2 herniated discs lower back from car accident '01. Sjogren's Syndrome since '03. OA since '77. Fibromyalgia. Hypothyroidism. A few lesser things. Unable to work, denied SSDI once. On the positive side, I have been losing weight since Aug; joined a gym, trying to regain what health I can. Not sure he's even noticed the 38 lbs yet.
As to proving myself, I have been, for almost a year now. I don't let anyone walk all over me anymore. But, it's been hard, getting everyone to see that I am a different person now. Words mean little, actions say more. I let him, his mom, and then our kids, walk all over me. Now I don't. Counseling is too expensive, now; he won't go.
Thanks all.

Answer 1

Hi again, ( I read and answered part 1 of your question, so I am aware of what you're dealing with...and it's very difficult)
Your health problems seem severe, and you have alot to deal with, but it sounds like you are making much progress, by working out and losing weight. You are sure to feel better, so keep going and doing as you are. Your better health will result in many improvements, physically and emotionally...it just takes time...so persevere.
I'm glad you don't let anyone walk all over you anymore; that is a great step forward. Counciling would be good, but if it's too expensive, see if you can find an organization that would allow you to at least help yourself, even if he won't. You will gain from it. At least help yourself; and you will be the winner, even if he doesn't go. You must strive for complete control over yourself and your feelings...
We cannot control another person, it doesn't work! BUT....getting yourself and your feelings brought to the surface, so you can deal with them, is alot of progress towards setting yourself free....so you can make the right decision about whether you should stay with a man who seems to show no feelings or affection, or whether you are strong enough to move forward with your life. Don't stress yourself out right now about which way it will go....The answer will come, clear as a bell, when you make steps forward, with feeling better, both mentally and physically...and I should add...spiritually! So remember to allow God and His will, to help you work things out for the best for you.
God Bless you...

Answer 2

If you are not happy then no of course you shouldnt stay. And congrats on your weight loss i know how difficult it can be. You will be a changed person in no time and dont ever let anyone step all over you ever again. Be strong and keep your head up,,you can do anything you put your mind to. But i think if you arent happy then you should get out. You will see once you are on your own how less stressful your life will be. And you might actually have some piece and quiet. Im sure being unhappy contributed to a few of them illnessess. Good luck and congrats.

Answer 3

I went and read part 1. You are only trapped if you want to be. For starters, find somewhere to get some mental help. Second get a lawyer on that ssi issue, there are plenty out there that will take your case on contingency, meaning you don't pay till you get paid. Last, don't let anyone run you down. It is not easy, but sometimes while we are striving for personal growth and improvement, people feel threatened and try to hamper it. For me when I encounter this, what ever or whomever is in my way has to move. If they or it can't or won't, I move. Sometimes reality bites. I can relate to your position, as I have many debilitating issues myself.

Get on it and Good Luck!!

Answer 4

Sounds like you have been together a long time . It ahame to throw it all away ,If something is broke try harder to fix it . A period of seperation might not be a bad idea though that would allow you both to see what thing will be like with out eachother
IT also allows you to work on those problems with a little space to do some thinking . Good luck but remember things are not alway greener on the other side.

Answer 5

Sounds like you've been in the relationship far too long,cut your losses if your heart is not in it. Sounds like you,ve done all you can do. It takes two to tango, and he obviously doesn't want to dance. Move on with your life while you still can.Your children are now adults,they will understand, if they don't they're very unsympathetic to your feelings.However set down and give them a good explanation of the whole situation so they don't get blindsided with it.God bless.

Answer 6

Why would you stay in a relationship that you don't want to be in? You've obviously grown a lot as a person, and the next step in standing up for yourself is to leave this man that you're unhappy being with.

Answer 7

I do not think you should stay in this marriage. I think that even though you have some health issues you will be fine on your own. Go out every once and a while and flirt, it will make you feel better.

Answer 8

I didn't read part 1 but I know that there are free counseling services everywhere. Get some and feel better about yourself. Your health will improve and you will be happier for it.

Answer 9

try life on your own. You might find it very rewarding, and you can probably gain some more respect from the whole family. It doesnt mean that you and your spouse will end things for good, but it might just wake him up!

Answer 10

You can never be so far down that you can't get back up again.