I've been with my boyfriend for two years and we've been friends for over five. I am really keen to settle down as we are both in our early thirties and keep mentioning marriage, to which I get little response. The same goes for children too. Am I being too pushy, is two years together too soon? OR should I demand marriage or leave?
2006-12-14 09:35:54 · 11 answers · asked by Sampter 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
2 years together and in your 30s sounds about right for all of that.
2006-12-14 09:42:33 · answer #1 · answered by BORED AT WORK 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
NO l don't believe you should demand marriage. Maybe he is just not ready maturity wise yet to take such a big step in your relationship. Then again maybe he never will be !! You need to sit down with him and have a serious talk about what you want out of this relationship and give him the opportunity to tell you exactly what he wants also. Be prepared for his answers as they may not be what you want to hear. Then again perhaps he does want the same as you but just not as quickly. Marriage has to be something that two people want, not just one. Atleast give him the chance to express his feelings and then decide whether you love him enough to stay or you want to leave. For some guys the talk of marriage and children is a very scarey subject. Best of luck to you.
2006-12-14 18:31:44 · answer #2 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being pushy, you have a legitimate desire to know and plan for your future.
Ultimatums are out of the question. You should talk to him about what you expect out of life, what you expect for yourself and what you expect from him.
If your wants and needs don't parallel each other fairly closely (don't expect 100% agreement), seriously consider moving on.
We all have choices, you can choose to stay in a relationship that may not be fulfilling to you and lead to dis-satisfaction, animosity, and regret. You could try and find a relationship that provides what you want and maybe succeed and maybe fail.
That's what makes life so much fun.
2006-12-14 17:55:10 · answer #3 · answered by deepndswamps 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U are not being pushy at all.
Obviously, it appears that u both love each other and get along well. As for marriage and children, talk to him about it. Share ur desires with him. Ask him about his desires and wishes. Discuss the issues with respect.
If it turns out that he doesnt want marriage or children, for whatever reasons and wants to continue 'living together' for good, then its up to u to decide if u will be ok with that. If u think u will be fine, then stay with him otherwise leave.
2006-12-14 17:45:07 · answer #4 · answered by arwa 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
If being married is more important than being with him and not married, then yes you should leave. If you can't see yourself without him, then hang in there. Maybe you need to just come out and ask what his feelings are about marriage. If all you are doing is dropping hints, he may not be picking them up. Us guys are thick headed like that. If you don't slam a sledge hammer upside our heads every once in a while to knock out the cobwebs, we just walk around in a daze and clueless. However, if you talk to him honestly about it, be prepared for an honest answer. Have yourself prepared for what you will say or do if he says he doesn't want to get married.
2006-12-14 17:43:08 · answer #5 · answered by Nuts 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
an ultimatum would be pretty much declaring your conditional love. not a good thing.
if you cannot get him to seriously discuss where he stands on marriage, then there isn't anything else you can do... if you really do love him and want to be with him, then you'll wait for whenever he is ready or you'll even deal with it if he never wants to marry... but if that's the case, there should be some kind of compromise where you have a ceremony to declare your commitments to each other. but again, you have to give him time. if you want to justify leaving him because he's not committed to you, then you can do that, too... but both of you need to be honest with each other.
2006-12-14 17:44:28 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are in your 30's dating for more than 2 years, its time to walk down the aisle or walk away.
2006-12-14 17:48:07 · answer #7 · answered by daprty1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not do the ultimatum if you want to stay with him. If you want marriage and children, looks like you should look elsewhere. He is obviously not too keen on it.
Good luck.
2006-12-14 17:51:10 · answer #8 · answered by ladygirl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think 2 years may be too early. i think talk to him and as long as he sees marriage down the road then wait one year then stary pushing......but talk to him and make sure you are both on the same road..
2006-12-14 17:57:13 · answer #9 · answered by maria p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are in love with the idea of being married. You already have your partner who loves you and enjoys you, why push. The honest truth is marriage only matters to God and the goverment. If you love this man, love him. Don't push him, because you don't want him to do it FOR you, you want him to do it WITH you.
2006-12-14 17:47:06 · answer #10 · answered by T W 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋