Does my marriage have hope?

Question

My husband out of the blue says he is done with me. He says I love you but I cant stand you. We have a 4 year old daughter and he is giving me money for her. He has figured out where he is gonna stay but has not moved out yet. I moved out so that he can have his space but he will not talk to me. He says he cant give me what I want that he has to work to 2 jobs and that there is just no time. Just one week before that he kept saying keep the faith and keep believing that things will work out, I love you and I love my girls meaning me and my daughter but out of nowhere this. I asked if he wants a divorce and he says yes and lives it like that. I told him if he wants it he should go get it because I dont want it to end, and he says he knows. So now what its been 9 years together holding on to each other and loving each other, the connection we had and out of the blue this is it.....Could he come back to me?

Answer 1

He could come back to you because you are wavering, you are accepting his neglectful role in your marriage, he has said horrible things to you, how can you look at your husband in the eye without hearing the words " I love you, but can't stand you" That must feel horrible!!!He has already fired off a lot of amo to maim you for the rest of your days. He loves what he has lost, that's it. He is in the process of moving on without you, he might have another girl, or another guy, or maybe he's a workaholic.You have moved out? Why for heavens name would you want to go back to that? Whatever it is, it is not worth you getting back to him. Forget about him, get the divorce papers yourself before you change your mind and become enslaved to his abusive passive aggressive nature. It is much better for your little girl not to be around parents who throw hate around like common mashed potatoes at dinner time Also if he says these things to you, he could easily be storing things up to say to your little girl when she is older. Or maybe he's already said a few things, or maybe he did something else? Is that why you moved yourself and your little girl away from him? Get the divorce kit.You will thank yourself later,. Be strong and hold on!!!

Answer 2

He told you he loves you but cannot stand you !! Where did that come from ?? He must explain why he feels this way. The fact that only the week before he was telling you to keep the faith and things will work out tells me that he is very confused about something in his life at the moment and he was trying to reassure you but also himself. I can't understand about the divorce part though. I would have thought he would only need time to sort himself out. I hate to say this but l think that he is either cheating, wanting to cheat or going through some sort of identity crisis. I honestly can't see anyone just throwing away 9 yrs together without a good reason. You really need to get him to open up and be honest with you and tell you exactly what's going on in his life at the moment. It may not be easy but he atleast owes you an explanation. Then you can decide where you go from there. Perhaps he needs some help sorting out his problems but you will not know that unless he confides in you. There is always hope for any relationship but there must also be honesty and trust. Lack of communication is also a main cause of marriage breakdowns. Speak to him and explain exactly how you feel and ask him for some honest answers. Tell him you are confused and hopefully you two can sort out this mess. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

I'm not sure.

If you've been married nine years, there should have been some kind of warning or change in his behavior where you could have seen this coming. The hints I see in your post are:

1. Last week, he kept saying "keep the fiath and keep believing that things will work out." In my opinion, that was a pretty strong warning.

2. He's working two jobs. How long has he been working like this, and have you noticed any changes in his behavior? I think I'd be pretty stressed working two gigs.

He could just be feeling overwhelmed with life right now. Maybe he thinks that "starting over" will change how he feels. Unfortunately, you can't make him do anything. Encourage him to talk to you. See if he will consider counseling. Even if you legally separate (and I say legally to protect yourself and your daughter financially and otherwise), it does not mean your marriage is over. But you can't be in a marriage by yourself, you can't force a partner to stay in a situation that he doesn't want to be in. He's not talking to you, so he's leaving you very few options on how to deal with it.

Give him a little space. Leave the door open to counseling. Consider going to counseling alone so you can make the best possible transition (temporary or otherwise) for you and your daughter. Understand yourself and your limitations, and just how far you're willing to go to save your marriage. Consider what you'll do if he's not willing to reconnect. He could come back to you, but he has to want to and he must talk to you.

Good luck..

Answer 4

I recently ended mymarriage of 29 years, why? because I thought like you are right now that he would change. This is gonna sound very harsh to you but, if he is telling you it's over, it probably is. There is a life for you and your daughter, don't you want to be happy? I am not saying that you should get a divorce tomorrow, but give the two of you breathing room, be apart for awhile and see if it is the right thing or the wrong thing. Trust me, you do not want to be second guessing the rest of your life wonderng if he's gonna leave. And you don't want to be miserable either, time apart will be good for both of you. He will either realize he honestly loves you or he doesn't. And you may find that you don't really care about him during the time apart, and decide that it's you who wants out. The best thing I can tell you is find out. This is an answer that is too important to avoid.

Answer 5

Other than the obvious he has some one else what did you do it is never just one persons fault were you a nag do you keep your self up do you keep a clean house did you take him for granted did you let your family get in your business do you give him what he want,s in the bed room as you can see we could go on all day like this so go back and be truthful with your self then go to your husband and tell him what you are willing to do to keep him 9 years is a long time and if you are a ***** stop it how do you treat his family and friends think about it. Iwish I could see who I,m talking to it would make things a lot easer because I don,t know what kind of a prson I,m talking to any way if your serious good luck

Answer 6

Yes. Im so sorry to hear this. I think you need to show up at his doorstep and tell him exactly how you feel. Go out on the limb one more time even if you look like a fool. You are doing the right thing by giving him his space. Just ask what you can do to make it work and if he still wants to be stubborn at least you can say that you tried. It sounds like he still loves you maybe he is just going through a small crisis in his life. Just let him know that you are there for him and that all you can do. Again im sorry but somethings are just for the best even though you may not see that right now. If you need me you can email me at [e-mail]

Answer 7

if u can resolve the differences, and communicate the problems, without the other getting mad. have u tried counciling? ask him what it would take to work it out, seems no one wants to work on it, and he may feel divorce is his only option. right now u can still change it, and make it right, just be the first to admit wrong, be the first one to go to him and tell him u love him, not just that u don't want the divorce. he could come back, but u need to go to him, why is he working 2 jobs? could he be all stressed out, and want u to get a job too, so he didn't have to work so hard?

Answer 8

Sweetie my heart goes out to you.But to tell you the truth it sounds like he has found someone else.Working two jobs isn't an excuse.My husband does and has for years.I stay home and care for our son whom has medical problems.No we don't get alot of time together but we enjoy what time we do get.I think that he doesn't want to tell you that there is someone else either because he doesn't want to hurt you more than he already has or he is just to chicken to own up to what he is doing.You can't make him stay with you and you can't make him love you. You have to let go and do what you need to in order to take care of yourself and you little girl.Sometimes men whom don't like the amount of responsibility they have think it is easier to find someone else that they have no responsibilty to care for.The only thing he has to do with her would be to have fun.I don't know if I am explaining this right.But lets just say he is with someone else.Has far has he is concerned all he has to do is show up and have fun.Weather his idea of fun is sex or just hanging out.That is all he has to do with her.He doesn't have to have a discussion about the mortgage payment or worry if he made enough money this week to allow for him to go out. He can hook up with her have his fun and not be bothered with any grown up responsibilities.Wereas being married isn't always fun and it cost alot of time and money.But what the men don't realize is when they do this they still have responsibility he is going to still have to work two jobs because he will have spousal support,child support and in some states half of what ever charge card and line of credit bill you two have together.

Answer 9

Actually I think I can offer a little hope. I have an aquaintence who used this program and it worked. Her husband was having an affair, had moved out, was done with her too. She did this ALONE. He joined her the 4th week. They are STILL married. This is not spam, honey (look at my profile).

Also, counseling just doesn't work. He won't want to go. My guess is there is someone else.

So, at least read thru the site. I think you'll be impressed. Email me if I can help. Gentle thoughts to you, sister.

Answer 10

First of all, you shouldn't have moved out. Now, he can say you left him, and you'll get less in any divorce settlement. You need a lawyer and fast. My guess is that he may have another lady on the side. He loves his daughter and he hates leaving her, which is why he's upset. But he's moving on fast. You need to know your rights, get custody of your daughter, legally, and get as much of your marital assets as you are entitled to get. If he doesn't have another woman, he is going through a very rough patch. No matter what, though, you need legal advice nobody in here can give you.