Will an abusive husband ever change?

Question

Dated for 4 years, on a seperation. Ordered through court to get domestic violence classes, what are the chances he will change and stay that way? He hit me in the beginning a lot, then we got a few counsiling sessions, it stopped for a year and a half, he did it again and we are no longer together... Talking about it but not at the moment. Have a 2 year old.... Please give your input.... thanks

Answer 1

Protect yourself and your child...stay away from him!

Answer 2

I work in the Domestic Violence field and have for 4 years. It has been my experience that counselling specific to Domestic Violence can help. However, it will only help if he admits to the abuse and acknowledges that what he has done to you is wrong. If he still makes excuses or denies that this ever happened, or does not admit to all the facts, then all the counselling in the world will not help him. This is not your fault or your problem. He is the one that is in the wrong. Nothing you do or say warrants physical violence. You have a history with this person that is not easy to let go of, but I suggest you seriously think this over, especially since you have a child. I would suggest counselling for yourself. If you do make the decision to be with him again, start it out very, very slowly. And like I said if he denies, downplays, or makes excuses, he will NOT change, trust me.

Answer 3

It is possible, but not likely that it will change. Unless an entirely new coping mechanism is learned, and even then there are no guarantees. One thing for you to be very aware of is the possibility that you will unintentionally get involved with another/other abusive men. My sister had an abusive boyfriend, same thing with the court ordered stuff. Both of the men she has been with since have a history of violence towards their girlfriends/wives. She married and divorced one, now she is on to a new one who has threatened to kill her and broken the window of her car trying to get at her. She won't leave though, because he hasn't actually hit her. Please get help to ensure that you move on with a fresh start, you do not want your child to grow up in that kind of environment.

Answer 4

Possibly, but I would be concerned about the 2 year-old as well as yourself. It was a terrible ordeal for you to have to go through. If there's even a chance of it happening again, think about how your child will feel as he/she gets older, and sees their daddy hitting their mommy. Or worse...what if he hits your child?

My opinion would be to not live together again. That way you don't have to worry about finding a place for you and your child to live if he does become violent again. If you feel like things will be ok, try living close to each other, but not in the same house/apartment, and see how that works.

Good luck. You sound like a very forgiving woman. Forgiveness is a wonderful trait. Just remember that you deserve happiness, and never deserve violence.

Answer 5

IN one word NO. Men that do that will always do it. It's some type of control, power thing with them and won't give it up. The best thing you can do is get rid of him and get on with your life. Because he hits you, he will hit your 2 years at some time. He will have a bunch of excuses on why he does it but that doesn't stop it from happening again and again. He may say that he won't do it again but watch out, he will get mad some day and start all over again. Some day it may get to be more than just hitting. Be careful and don't trust him.

Answer 6

seen it to any times . wants the hitting starts it's unstoppable and even when they say they got help any little thing well bring the hitting back I say stay gone and never return if he hit you after a year you could only imagine how many times he wanted to hit you before he actually hit you again . it took a while because you were smart enough to call the police next time you wont get that chance . and if for nothing else your son even tho he is 2 he see and trust me kids remember far more then we give credit and if he grow up around this you might be creating a monster do your son a favor and stay gone think of your son every time you want to take him back good luck

Answer 7

My boyfriend was like that but he will not hit me all the time he stop for a while but if i get him really up set he will scare me like he will jit me and thats not good cause they dont be thinking when they are angry I think you should leave him alone i have a 2 yr old boy and it just a shame what he see and does when we fight it affects the child more than anything you should have some time away from him and stop giving him chances cause it will get worse cause he stop putting his hand on you for a while dont mean he want do it again and than it will get to the poing of fatal

Answer 8

Don't waste your time, if he has not changed in all this time then it is best you leave now. I think you have to think of your child now and stop thinking of your heart and wants. Your heart still loves him and you still want to be with him. Well now it is time to think into the future and think of your child. They don't need to see an abusive man let alone it be there own dad. They some how connect and think that is what they are made of. Leave for your child's sake, seeing how you haven't left for your sake. The first time should have been the only time but it has not been and you also know your own pattern of taking him back. Be strong and go forward with out him.

Answer 9

Abuse is an addiction,He's going to need counseling for the rest of his life if he is to control the abusive tendencies.Discontinue the talks about getting back together.He needs help with that and you can't help him.As long as he stays in counseling he has a chance on changing.Although setbacks are bound to happen whether he gets help or not.He has to learn how to be by himself so he can get himself together,in order for the counseling to work properly.You and your child are better off with (him not being there).He will not only abuse you,but your child as well.

Answer 10

NO!


He will not change. At least not for long. I thought my b/f would STOP hitting me too. Guess what......Last week he punched me in the face. Still hurts. Got my eye, cheek and nose all in one shot. Says he's sorry and it won't happen again. He has said that so many times. Now when he says it won't happen again i do not believe him any more.
The question is......Do you love him enough to continue taking the abuse? If you stay with him the abuse will most likely continue.

Answer 11

It's possible (remotely possible, like me winning the lottery when I don't buy the tickets).

But do you want to spend every day of the rest of your life wondering if this is the day he'll get angry and hit you again?

I would not want to waste my precious life that way. I would also not want to raise a child in that environment -- you owe your child a better life than that, don't you?

I would recommend that you seek counseling for yourself to udnerstand why you found and have stayed with a man who harms you. Good luck.