My Husband and I have been seperated for 3years. He has talked about finalizing this seperation by doing the divorce papers, but has talked and talked and nothing. Now he has moved to another State for at least a year for work and a Change. In the past year we have been intimate and been there for eachother, then he moved. The divorce never got handled. I don't want it, he was the one pushing the issue. But this past year did not realy puch it. He told me he still loves me before he left. Help!!!!!!!!! What is going on in his mind?
2006-12-14 08:38:12 · 34 answers · asked by SWF 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are two possibilities here.
One is that he does still love you and is regretting the split, but he is too afraid of rejection to actually suggest getting back together. Instead, he's waiting for you to make the first move.
The other possibility - and I'm afraid I think this is more likely - is that he's being a typical, territorial male.
Most men feel possessive about their wives, even after they split up. They can't bear the thought of their ex taking up with another man. By delaying the divorce, he keeps you on a string, and therefore you're less likely to go out and find someone else. It also means he can drop in for sex occasionally too, which must be very handy when he's between girlfriends.
It's time to stop being a meek and dutiful wife! You've allowed 3 years of your life to slip by while you wait for this man to make your decisions for you. How many more years do you want to waste?
If he doesn't want you any more, then you need to move on with your life. Stay friends if you want, but you MUST NOT be f*ck buddies. Keep the same distance you would with any other male friend, otherwise you are just messing with your emotions and preventing yourself from moving on. If you do still have feelings for him, it may be better to declare a three or six month "holiday" when you agree not to contact each other, just to give your emotions time to settle down.
If you really want him back, then you need to challenge him about the possibility. Ask him to tell you, straight out, whether there's any chance of getting back together. If he gives you a vague answer, don't accept it. You have to be assertive and stand your ground - keep at him until he gives you a straight answer, one way or the other.
If the answer is "no way", it's going to hurt, but it's better to know.
If the answer is "yes", then immediately start discussing how and when you're going to get back together - don't let him put it off.
It may help to do an assertiveness course. By the way, has it occurred to you that YOU could file for divorce?
2006-12-14 09:01:20 · answer #1 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you for real? You're still putting out for him...why do you think he isn't getting a divorce. Sorry baby but for someone who sounds as though they have some brains I'm afraid I have to question you with a statement like this.
What? you don't think he's knocking off some other piece out there over the past few years? because if you say 'no' then you're deluding yourself.
So...choice is yours. You asked for an opinion and there it is. I'm no kid. I've been around a long, long time and I've dealt with people on a daily basis and am a pretty good judge of character.
I'm telling you that this is what's going on and the reasoning behind it. If you chose to continue onward so be it. But....t'ain't going to change...not after 3 years.
2006-12-14 08:47:46 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the same thing with my husband. He and I separated 5 years ago and he lives with his girlfriend and her children. He refuses to get a divorce because he says there is still a chance for us. He still makes the mortgage payments on the house on time and everything, I still have complete access to his finances (joint bank account), and he gives me money even though we have no children. The only time we argue is when I bring up the topic of divorce. The only thing I can tell you is that he really loves you and is afraid to divorce you because he feels there may be a chance for the two of you to be together again. Kinda like my husband.
2006-12-14 08:56:41 · answer #3 · answered by arrizona 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes! Guys are so complicated at times! I know you love him, but he has the best of both worlds right now. He has his freedom and the ability to do whatever he wants while he is so far away from you, but by not pushing the divorce he can hold on to you and know that you will be there on his back burner! I am sorry if that sounds harsh but when you are in the situation it is hard to see what is really going on. I have been there before and in my experience you need to do something to shock them, like maybe you pushing the issue of divorce, see what his reaction is to that.
2006-12-14 08:44:31 · answer #4 · answered by MommyX2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you asking the world this question instead of asking him? Are you waiting for him to get on Yahoo Answers and post his response?
You need to ask him straight up what is it that he wants... if there is no straight answer, then you have some decisions to make. If you have kids with him (or help raised your kids since they were little) then that complicates things a little. However, what you cannot do is put your life on hold until he decides to come around... Perhaps you need to file separately and have him been served with the papers... Regardless, the first step is for you to take action and not just "sit" there for an answer....
2006-12-14 08:47:31 · answer #5 · answered by Hector 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He didn't find the greener grass, but he's still looking. His commitment to you has clearly ended. His willingness to use you until something else comes along has apparently ended too since he's left the state to make a break he couldn't make with you nearby. Old patterns die hard. Loneliness is hard to face. memory of why you left fades when it's not revived daily. Take care of yourself and move on. I know firsthand what it's like to be the X's booty call of convenience and shoulder to cry on. It's unfair and it's unsatisfying. being by yourself is better, believe me.
2006-12-14 08:50:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is going on in your mind, don't worry about his. He does what he wants about the divorce that you don't want, comes around for sex and leaves. If he moved to another state for a change, give it to him in the form of divorce papers.
2006-12-14 08:41:44 · answer #7 · answered by Debra D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he wants to keep you around for the rainy days or when things get dull. he know he can come back to you and have sex and some warmth but yet he wants to come and go as he pleases and no commitments or headaches or him having to make any decisions he wants to be care freer still loves you in his own but wants to be able to play the field and keep his options open incase something else good comes along yet doesn't want to give you up just quit yet.
You need to make some decisons on whats good for you. not whats good for him
2006-12-14 12:33:31 · answer #8 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you ready to be burnt again ?
You should know him by now. You should know if he actually still feel for you for real.
If I were you, I will not put myself in the waiting mode. I would rather prepare to be divorced and move on.
He may be dragging his feet, but your are being dragged along. Move on and find someone better and go on with your live.
2006-12-14 08:41:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you can't make a cat bark! Men don't like confronting serious issues and/or conflict of any kind. You must confront him head on even though you may not like the outcome. You can't live your life in limbo. It appears to me that he is too selfish to consider your feelings if he has just up and moved without addressing the issue. That in of itself speaks volumes to me.
2006-12-14 08:56:11 · answer #10 · answered by sassinya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋