My ex boyfriend and his ex wife stayed close friends after their divorce and talked daily about everything. Everytime she had a problem, he was the first she would call and he would always go running when he needed her; even though SHE wanted the divorce. I put up with this for three years and a month and a half after I moved in with him, he broke up with me to go back to her. The entie 3 years I told him it was inappropriate for them to be so close and that it was disrespectful to me but he didn't want to hear it and I got accused of being jealous and insecure. But I felt my concerns were ligitimate or I wouldn't be here now. Despite my better judgment, I became friends with her because it was easier to join that fight it since he wouldn't stop his friendship and I loved him. He told me he loved me too. But I never think it is right for ex's to be so close. What do you think?
2006-12-14 08:20:41 · 20 answers · asked by thewhalehunter12 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO WAY, because things like these happen. Exes shouldnt be close, and that is why they are exes. Unless ofcourse they have children, but even then, they shouldnt be that close to call upon each other for answers and advice in their lifes situation. I mean, it is just bound to happen for all those feelings to arise again. If he kept running to her to try to help her on her lifes trouble, then its because he couldnt let go off her and somewhere in him he still loved her, kids or no kids.
2006-12-14 08:28:16 · answer #1 · answered by Leyanis 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I happen to be in that position right now, recently divorced Oct 12. I think that it's good for divorced parents to be friends as long as their other issues are totally resolved. Meaning that they are positive they no longer want to be a couple. You should have read the signs earlier, they were there. I do feel very bad for anyone in your position, because it is very unfair. I can only guess these two had to have alot of drama in their relationship, sometimes couples need that. The tip off was being accused of being jealous and insecure, it's part of the pay off sometimes for people, male or female. I don't see this ending well for you. What I don't understand is why you don't think more of yourself? Aren't you worth being the most important person in the world to someone, instead of being second. Love is complicated and there are no simple answers, If you feel that this is where you want to be in ten years go for it, if not then re-evaluate this. Sometimes ex's aren't always totally ex's, and you have to live with them a long long time. Better make sure they are both on the friendship page without hopes for a future on either's subconscious. Good Luck
2006-12-14 08:46:38 · answer #2 · answered by stiklette2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right. I too had the experience of this problem but it was me and my family who still had ties with my-ex husband. That can only cause problems. Although I did make sure to end the situation and even fight with my family to not have him around all the time out of respect for my now husband. It is a matter of respect and love. You should have not allowed it. If kids were involved then I could at least see calls about the children not each others lives. Sorry bout the break up, but that shows he never stopped loving her.
2006-12-14 08:54:48 · answer #3 · answered by just me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
confident, if it incredibly is a unsleeping determination on the two events' section and employer boundries are set. no count if it incredibly is (as is so often the case) a count of unrequited love on the component to one or the different, there'll ultimately be a prepare harm. i've got been good acquaintances with a woman for a decade now, yet for many of that element we've each been in contact with different individuals. although, during the sessions whilst have been the two available on an analogous time, we had to be very careful, on condition that we the two had to maintain the platonic friendship. there have been countless occassions whilst one or the different individuals have been extremely vunerable and it could have been common to flow the boundries we'd set, yet, so a ways, we've prevented crossing the line. the actuality that we are additionally professional collegues has helped on condition that that could create an entire nother can o' worms if we grew to become romantic.
2016-10-05 07:51:11 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be nice if ex's DID remain close friends.
Let's face it, you spend several years of your life with a person, and during that time - even if it all goes wrong in the end - he/she is part of your family (in fact, probably closer to you than any of your family). Then when it ends, you're supposed to break all ties, as if that huge chunk of your life never happened?
I was very sad that my first husband couldn't keep in touch with me (because of his new wife's jealousy), even though we parted on good terms. I would never want him back, but he was my best friend as well as my husband, and it's sad to lose that kind of friendship.
Having said that, it does sound as though your ex bf still harbours some feelings for his ex-wife. That is a different situation altogether. The fact that he went back to her after you'd been together for a while - that says a lot.
2006-12-14 10:17:10 · answer #5 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That was your first mistake, you let him go see her and talk to her on the phone, you are talking about two people who were together and spent their lives together....They got a divorce and she kept talking to her and he became what she wanted a best friend and her lover and then he kicked you to the curb and now she has her husband back....
I would never allow my hubby's ex-girlfriend to come around and talk to him over the phone...
I don't know what you was thinking letting him have private conversations and him going to her house and spending quality time with her...That's what's wrong with us women, we let things go on too long...We need to realize, a week is too long....
All I can say is just move on and learn from this experience and never let an ex come into your lives unless kids are involved, even then, you have to watch what you let go or you will lose him again...
2006-12-14 09:32:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how I would feel if I was in your shoes, but I want to remain good friends with my ex. We became best friends and as such he knows my "deepest and darkest secrets". Not staying friends is not an option, and not because he knows my secrets, because I'm comfortable confiding in him.
Now if he had another women in his life, I would give the closeness over to her, out of respect to him, so he could build the same relationship he built with me.
Sorry I was not much help.
2006-12-14 08:26:03 · answer #7 · answered by Buttons 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in total agreement with you. I don't know how you stayed around so long. Your gut feeling was right all along because they ended up back together, right? You are a strong woman for putting up with that S#*@....not me girl. If my man was talking to his ex and going to her with his problems, I wouldn't trust that one bit and I'd probably walk. Why would someone who supposedly loves you put you through that and disrespect you like that? You're better off without him!!!!!!
2006-12-14 08:27:29 · answer #8 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have kids then YES!
If not its a hard call. It all depends on why you split and how close you really are. I can see why a new person would find that a bit odd if your still really close to your ex?? You have to think about how you would feel if the table were reverse.
2006-12-14 08:23:22 · answer #9 · answered by Sanalota 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ditto! I would not think it was ok. Once you love you will always have feelings. Why would someone get divorced and still see the person - - it's just crazy. If kids are not involved - - no way. I would confront him. End the relationship before it's too late.
2006-12-14 08:25:30 · answer #10 · answered by Neo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋