do you like the beginning of this story I am writing? Constructive?

Question

criticism only please!The fall

Main character: Break Thompson
Wife: Clara Thompson

When Break stepped out on the porch, the sun was just rising. The Two pit bulls Break kept for security were fighting, The smaller dog charley was loosing the fight but refused to submit.

It was a ordinary midwinter nebraska morning, windy and bitter cold. The sky was a hard slate color in the light of the rising sun.

Break felt worn down this morning. He had had a rough run of it lately, Two of his best men, and several others had been killed in an ambush the week before. Break himself had been wounded, not serious just a flesh wound but it had become infected before he could get back to the compound. He fought a fever for most of the week but finally the wound was on the mend. His wife Clara had cleaned the wound for him and Bandaged it. He had killed seven men that day, and his group had won the fight, But the loss of men was a hard blow to his group. The battle still troubled him because he had not seen this group before, and they had fought so viciously, Not stopping when a man was obviously dead but continuing to mutilate the victim. They had seemed crazed, also they had all had an open eye branded into their foreheads. Branding was a common thing among the roaming groups of savages that traveled the country now, but never had he seen a group of men branded in such a way. Their leader must be a terrible mercilous man to drive men that hard. Most likely Break would meet this man some day. Though he didn't welcome the prospect. He had finished many bad men in the six years since the collapse but he never enjoyed the victory of it. It was all necessary but had seemed a waste to him.

Life had become a series of necessities in the years after the collapse. It had been the last world war, world war 3. Four billion had lost their lives in the war, and untold millions more afterwards. Most from the viral agents used by the american government and others. What once had been taken for granted now was life and death matters. Break shuddered at the thought of how he himself had once squandered such things as food or water, how he had taken for granted the ability to drive down to any restaurant or grocery store and buy virtually anything he wanted. The very thought of such waste now was sacrilige. Especially water, now so very rare that it was hoarded at the cost of many lives. If you had water you were rich in this world. He pondered this fact often. The first year or two had been the hardest and bloodiest for Break and his family. In the beginning they hid and had to kill nearly everyone that happened near them for fear of being discovered, it had been hard but necessary.

Answer 1

You are "telling" too much. Great writers "show" the reader what he needs to know.
"Break felt worn down this morning" Don't tell the reader how he felt. Show us by his statements or thoughts, or better still, by his actions. Maybe even by his wife's observation.

"group" is a very vague term. This is obviously a unique setting, so choose a more specific term. Gang, renegade band, mercenaries, anything not so common and vague as group. If you let the reader go too long without facts, they will lose interest.

Don't say WW3. "The last World War" is a good phrase, and sufficient.

You also have some capitalization issues, and about two dozen missing commas. I realize this comment is nitpicky, but it makes it much harder to read with typos and incorrect punctuation.

Best of luck, it is a good start.

Answer 2

The first few sentences don't drive me to want to read more. It is really erratic and random. The background and "ah ha" don't come until the last paragraph. Seems like you're all over the place. Focus on a couple of things at a time

Answer 3

I didn't like the first half of the story. It was back and forth and made me want to stop reading it. The last paragraph was the best and easier to follow. Good luck!!!