need help from all you moms about blended families?

Question

I'm newly wed to a divorced dad of a 8yr old son.Jim's exwife is very bitter about this and jealous of me(he did not leave her for me).I think i have made the situation worse by getting involved in the childs school.I attend parent/teacher conferences with jim and other functions.This has really pissed his ex off as she feels she should be the one going with jim not me.She has sent a very nasty letter to the school board saying i am not to have any contact with her childs school.Have i over stepped my bounderaries as a step parent?Should i just back off for now?Jim likes me to go with him but if she is going to make a stink about it he will not stick up for me,as he feels it will just hurt his son.Also for you stepmoms out there how involved are you in your step childs life?She is also mad at the fact that jim and I have our own b-day party for his son.She feels Jim and her should be giving the party for their son together not me.

Answer 1

I am a step mom.

We have separate functions, due to the fact that the ex is very bitter and their is no way to communicate with this woman. She can't be reasoned with - so we do as we want, and she does the same.

We go to pt conferences, she goes to one. The school can not refuse you. If you are involved in this child life - YOU are just that, involved - you are a step parent. There is no law in the US that the school board or JUDGE will impose on you to stay away, Unless you harm the child.

Your not "taking over", you should be considered a BONUS PARENT.

Tell hubby that standing up to his ex will not affect his child - if anything, it will let her know that she can not use the child as a pawn and let him be a dad.

Good luck.....you have just begun to biggest battle of your life....you need to let him deal with her and only be there for the child and him.

Answer 2

Hi, I am sorry to hear that things are difficult with the ex wife. I am a step mom and I did go to the kids schools when they were young. It was very uncomfortable but the ex had to accept it. We also went to birthday parties that were held at party places and paid half. If my step daughter had a dance recital - we were there. That child is your family now whether she likes it or not. You have the right to have parties, go on vacations and do all things possible to make this child happy despite coming from a broken home. And when you have more children they will be siblings and be at those soccer games and birthday parties too.
The problem here is Jim. If he is anything like my husband he is suffering from such divorce guilt that he does not stand up for his rights as the father. He has to set her strait or he will wind up divorced again once you are fed up with it all.

Answer 3

There are no hard rules on blended families, tho when children are involved, you hope that all involved will put their own insecurities aside, and do what is best for the children. Nor should the ex still think that everything should be done together as parents anymore. You and your husband should talk this out, and do what is right for you and for the child, and your life together. Ex should work thru her anger, and move on with her life with her child. Just remember that the child is watching how all the adults are acting in this situation. Hope all set a good example.

Answer 4

o.k. hear me out......I am the mother of the child in your situation. The soon to be step mother of my children, does not respect boundaries........... not that I am saying you are like her (God I hope not) but she ( the lady you speak of ) is his mother. Your role as a step mother is to support your husband and his decisions regarding his child. If there is a parent teacher conference you can go, but if the situation between the father and mother is strained, it may be best if you bowed out. Be there for the child, and the husband. Be careful this is a thin line. You are there in a supportive role, and by all means back up the mother to the child as much as you can. You are all involved to benefit the child, keep your focus on that. Children have a way of blaming themselves for what happened, no matter how illogical that may seem. For the birthday party, why not have two.......one at her house and the other one with you guys. That means he gets two special days.

Answer 5

She needs to attend the functions at the school then if it is bothering her so much. If the child lives with you full-time, then you are just stepping up and making the poor kid feel good about your new blended family. If the kid likes you and enjoys you spending time with him, then that is her problem if she can not handle it.

I have 2 step children that do not live with us. One is great, the pther is like her mother and she was evicted, by me, from our home for helping herself to anything and everything that she pleased including breaking into locked rooms, at the age of 19.

I have a 14 year old son and his dad actually appreciates the fact that my husband is buds with my son and that my son has a good man around.

Answer 6

well it depend who;s has the custody for the child and yes i;m a step-mom to and close to them but we get the kids only on weekend and every things is OK so far i guess bcz she kids real mom don;t know what we do or where we go lol it better that way and no jealous issue

Answer 7

she isn't married to him anymore....and so things are going to have to work differently...if jim is primary parent...that attends the school functions, then YES of course you should be there...and NO it is not appropriate for YOUR husband to have a party...with his EX..regardless of WHO it is for....she needs to MOVE ON...STAND your ground...and make sure your husband..STANDS UP FOR YOU..!!!!

Answer 8

For your husband to allow this, he is obviously still angry at his ex as well and is using you to hurt her and you are playing your part very well. Put yourself in her shoes. I am sure that you will see and act differently.

Answer 9

Sorry, but I have to agree with her. No way would I accept another woman trying to play "mommy" to my son.