My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 yrs. We have 4 children together plus one from a prev. relationship. He doesn't celebrate Christmas, I certainly was not made aware of this before we got married. If I knew this info. I would of had second thoughts. He won't let me and children get a tree, wreath, lights nothing of the sort. I don't think that is fair to us. He knew when he was dating me that I celebrate Christmas and it was favorite time of the year!! Every year around this time I ponder on leaving him because I am so unhappy.Is this something to get a divorce over? The only thing is the children ages 8,4,2,1 and one on the way in Feb. I am a SAHM, (stay at home mom), I have no income whatsoever. Would I be able to take the risk of being a single mother with 5 children to care of? One last clue I am a christian and he is a reborn muslim(not orthodox but nation of islam). He joined after we got married. I feel mislead, but I do love him. It is our conflicting religon.
2006-12-14 06:59:30 · 25 answers · asked by devk22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok first off my biggest concern is how the hell did you NOT know that he doesn't celebrate Christmas when you've been married for 4 1/2 years..you have got to be kidding me..you should of known about his not celebrating Christmas the first year ya'll were together.
2006-12-14 07:06:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't personally think you should leave him just because he doesn't celebrate Christmas. It's not a the tree, wreath, lights or all that decoration stuff anyway. It's about the Birth of Jesus. However, the fact that he became a reborn Muslim after you married is the real problem especially since he knew you were a Christian and would want to celebrate Christmas. There should be a compromise since you did not join the Muslim faith. But I would not divorce him for that reason alone. Try talking to him or at compromise like maybe putting up a tree with Muslim decorations, I don't know.
2006-12-14 07:20:55 · answer #2 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave and then what?? Fine you end up celebrating Christmas and a divorce with 5 kids each year after. Find common ground,
have one specific room dedicated as a Christmas room. Marriage is all about finding common ground, then walking that ground together. If it becomes "my way or the high way" You might have some deeper issues besides December. 8,4,2 and 1 with one on the way?! Get an IUD or some form of birth control and give it a few more years now is not the time to be thinking the "stressfull" thoughts of divorce. Focus on your well-being and the kids ex. the one on the way this type of stress can cause pre-clampsia which can lead to premature birth. Just let him know this is something you need to talk about. As a Christian you know that God hates divorce expect for the case of Adultery- Have the kids write him a letter, that usually works every time :)
Good luck!
2006-12-14 07:38:30 · answer #3 · answered by FuGiez1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Were you under the assumption he celebrated Christmas before you got married? And, if you weren't, why didn't you ask? Also, if he became Muslim after you married, and your belief system was so important to you, why did you continue to have children together? To not allow you and your children to celebrate Christmas is completely selfish and rude, but I must admit completely in line with his belief system- there is no room for tolerance of differing religions within the Muslim religion. You have a big decision to make here. Your religious beliefs differ dramatically. This is an area that you will have to decide (as will he) whether you and your children celebrating Christmas is worth ending your marriage over. If both of you are devout believers that "God" comes first, then there is really no future ahead for you because you will both believe that your religious beliefs should come before your marriage. As for the question of can you make it on your own? Of course. Where there is a will, there is a way, and regardless of the fact that you have been a SAHM for the past few years, you can go get yourself and education and be able to support your kids. I believe because you have stayed home with them for so long, there may even be some leeway legally for him to pay for you to go to school as part of an alimony package (of course this would differ from state to state and you should research it). Either way, he will have to assist you with child support until the children real legal age. I do believe his joining the nation of Islam after you were married should have been discussed with you as it altered your life dramatically, and yes, I feel you were misled if he did not discuss his intentions fully with you. I feel for you and wish you the best. You are in a very difficult position. Take care. *hugs*
2006-12-14 07:22:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he has decided to join the nation of islam, you are no longer compatible. It will be very difficult to raise 5 kids alone, even with child support. But, it would be even worse to stay in a marriage that is not good for either of you or the kids. It will just get worse when he begins to take control of everything as his religion believes he should. He is already controlling you by not letting you celebrate christmas.. wonder what is next. If I were you, I would chance the single mom thing and never look back.
2006-12-14 07:06:15 · answer #5 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps counseling from both religions may help. I think you both need to meet in the middle. It should not be all one way or the other. Why not celebrate both religions on their chosen days. It is very unfair of your husband to not allow Christmas esp for the children. Suggest celebrating Christmas and that you would be more than willing to celebrate a muslim holiday with him as well. But I think if you meet with representatives from both religions and ask for suggestions, maybe they can make him see he needs to give a little. I dont think it is reason for a divorce but if your unhappy then maybe there is more to your unhappiness. Keep in mind also the place of a woman as a muslim as you think things through. Although some things have changed, men are usually in control.
2006-12-14 07:07:53 · answer #6 · answered by sweetlaughter434 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HELL YA DIVORCE HIM!
Im in the same boat, at leats when it comes to money issues, I too am a SAHM and I hate it, but only because you dont have any money, I love my kid.
I never celebrated xmas a child cuz I was a JW, but I do know, and even though it still feels weird to me, I do it for my son who is 2.
You would get a nice sized child support check everymonth too if you divorced him, my dad pays 950 a month for one child who is five (after me of course, Im 26 now) so you'll get alot.
Plus if you own a house together GET A LAWYER, ecause he will have to sell the house and you would get half of what it is sold for or if anything, half of the accumulated value since you have lived with him, like if he owned the house before you came along.
Look into it, this isnt fair for you.
2006-12-14 07:10:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This has to be openly negotiated. Figure out what you wish for the children.
The best is to teach both religions and to celebrate all holidays from both religions, explain their meaning, back them up with holy scriptures and the Quran.
Be an open family, allow the children to feel internal strength and not internal division. A loving father will be peacefull and fair in this topic, if not, then you have an issue, and I recommend a religious counceling session, possibly with 2 rep[resentatives to help negotiate an equally acceptable solution.
If that fails, I would leave. Your God is as important to you as his.... right?
2006-12-14 07:10:16 · answer #8 · answered by schnikey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man you married has to be in there...somewhere. You need to have a serious talk (possibly with a medator). Explain to him how hurt you are that he would try to make you deny your GOD. Marrage is a sacred thing, loved by God, but if he is trying to turn you away from God, something is wrong. If after talking he doesnt agree to let you celebrate your own beliefs,with consideration for his as well, then you should leave. If you are truely a christian leaving for the right reasond, God will take care of you honey. Hang in there and let God speak to your heart!
2006-12-14 07:15:51 · answer #9 · answered by Amanda C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he knew when you married that you celebrated Christmas, then he has no right to change his mind after the fact. Get a tree anyhow. Celebrate the holidays. If he does not like it, throw him out and tell him to get his own life. He still has to support you and the kids.
2006-12-14 07:14:11 · answer #10 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋