Would you marry him if you were me??

Question

To make a long story short....there's this guy who says that he loves me and constantly jokes about eloping with me. Lately, he's been serious about it.

Background: We started talking "online" (internet) like 5 years ago. I started emailing him when I was 16 but last year, I met him in person. He seemed like a nice guy but expected too much. Since then, we've been chatting on and off and might even get together to catch up on things.

He says he loves me and I believe him but I dont think I feel the same and I dont know what to do. I care for him alot but I dont think I'll ever get married unless I jump at the chance.

I'm only 21 and I know I shouldn't be in such a rush but I have this feeling that I wont have a chance to be married and try to have a family while I can. (No, I'm not dying or anything like that. I just feel like my time is short.)

If you were me, what would you do?

I'm gotten alot of answers so far and I'd like to clear something up....I have met him more than once in person and I DO really know who he is. I'm not jumping into this *** forward. I'm asking for other people's opinions!!! For all of you that want to be a big pain in my ***, go screw yourselves. I'm here to see if I can get some helpful advice FROM SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN IN MY PLACE or from someone who would like to help me out.

Answer 1

I did the same thing at 23 .all my friends were married and felt left out! I think when your desperate you do pick not so well.I would really look at all things with him.His job ect.honesty.I did divorce but have a great son that I raised from 10 on.So if you do have kids with him its worth it .U may divorce but u will have your kids. Good luck.............

Answer 2

Are you frickin serious????

NO....marriage is hard enough when you DO love the person you marry. It is emotional suicide to marry someone you aren't head over heels for. Then having kids just because you are afraid you will run out of time? Gawd woman! And an online relationship at that. If you had spent a lot of time with this guy to actually KNOW him you would probably have the answer yourself, but when you have only met this guy once or twice in person and the rest has been online, you have no idea who this guy really is. Even though you are 21, it sounds to me like you have a lot of growing up to do before you will be mature enough to have any business delving into marriage and ESPECIALLY raising children.

One clue to answer this question for yourself is.....you had to ask a bunch of total strangers whether you should marry him or not. If you have to get the answer from people you have never met, I think the answer is clear that you know you shouldn't. When you meet someone that you should marry, you won't have to ask anyone, you will know the answer without anyone's opinion but your own.

Answer 3

In all honesty, I think marrying him would be a big mistake.
Like you said, you're only 21. Take things slow.

If I were you, I would let him go. I would find a man who lives more around me. Meeting guys online are very dangerous; no matter how seet they are - they're still evil. but i'm sure you already know that so I don't need to begin that discussion.

So yeah, I would just let him go. Go out partying, let loose, you're 21. Meet a real guy.

Or maybe if you feel like your time is short then you should just not even bother with relationships and just have a great time until you actually meet the right guy. If you stick with this online boy, then hunny, you're time really will be short.

Make the right choice. ♥

Answer 4

I married at 18. I loved him deeply. We were too young to deal with the issues that come up in a marriage and divorced three years later. I think our biggest problem was youth. I did not know who I truly was. I began to discover I wanted different things, as did he. I am 23 now and am still discovering who I am each day. If you feel you may never have another change for marriage you need to think about how you view yourself. When you feel secure within yourself and worthy of a relationship that is when you will have something to offer someone else. If you truly love someone you should want to give them the very best of you. You can't do that if you do not know what that is. Divorce was one of the most painful things that has ever happened to me. It has been two years and my heart is still healing. You are old enough to make your own choices but consider not only your own hear but his as well.

Answer 5

My advice for you....and it comes from years of experience.... do not let him talk you into something you know is not right.
You need to be attracted to him....not just like him....for you to have a chance of being happy with him.
Attraction is not a choice. It is not something you wake up one morning and decide you will do. You either are or your not and it makes no difference what their feelings are.

I met my first wife through my sister. I was head over heals. We mostly communicated through letters as I was in the Navy then. When I got out I came to where she was and we begin to date.

When it was clear that marriage looked like a great idea....she told me she wasn't sure. Maybe we should date others and be sure about it.

I made the mistake of pulling on her heart strings and we were married. We had two children and an okay marriage as far as I was concerned. But she wasn't happy. infrequent sex told me that.

Many years later I found out she had seven affairs during those first years. It like to of killed me. I had to go through crises counseling to get through it. But we went on.

We were married 37 years and she found someone else on the internet. That was it and I left. I am married again.

He may love you very much but you will be doing him a favor by not marrying him until....or if ever.....you feel that way for him.
Just liking him is not enough. It will hurt him now but far better than later. Listen to your heart. It will never lie to you. Be true to yourself and you will be happy.

One final thing. I am sorry to hear how you feel about your life. That feeling can lead you to do things you should not. Have you ever talked to anyone about why you feel this way. I am 65 and from this perspective life is very short. But at 21 you have a lot of good years ahead of you barring any problems. We all have no idea what lies ahead for us. But the now is what is most important. Live for now and look for true love and you can't ever go wrong.

Answer 6

If you have any doubt at all you should definitely not marry him. You are still young and really do have plenty of time, i know that is cliche. Life is already complicated as it is you don't need throw a funky marriage into the mix. Be patient, and let love come to you. You know when you were a kid and you tried to get as many pieces of candy out of the dish that you could in one handful? The harder you tried to get some to tighter you squeezed the less you got. I know it sounds ridiculous but that is how life is. The harder to try to hold onto something the more it slips away.

Answer 7

No way. I think 21 is too young to get married, even if you were sure about it. I can tell you aren't sure at all. If you have to ask strangers whether or not you should marry him, isn't the answer obvious?

You say you feel like your time is short. If it is short for some reason, why would you want to spend it strapped to a guy you don't love?

Answer 8

Trust me, you're still young. Don't marry the guy if your not so sure you feel that you can love him like he loves you, and also to spend the rest of your life with him. Don't forced yourself into marriage if you're thinking that this is your only chance at marriage. You should marry someone for the right reasons which is that you love that person and you want to spend the rest of your live with that person. Thats pure committment. I'm 24 and I'm not married, and I don't want to get married until I'm near my 30's. You just began hitting your 20's and you should have fun and focus on making yourself happy and experience all the fun opportunities life has to offer you. Don't settled down if you're not ready yet.

Answer 9

Hi. Just from what you've said so far, it doesn't seem like you should marry him yet. I think that unless you are 150% certain that you want to, then you shouldn't. And you do not seem at all convinced yet. Why do you feel that your "time is short"? This problem needs to be addressed. In any case, you shouldn't marry a person just because you're worried that you'll never get married otherwise.

Answer 10

Do not marry this man. If you don't love him...you will only end up hurting yourself and him in the long run. No one knows how long they have to live....so we go with the assumption that it will be forever (or close to it). So, take this time to enjoy your young life. I honestly believe that there is a soul mate for everyone of us....and you will find yours. Life is to short and has to much to offer to just give in to the first relationship that "seems" serious. Give yourself a chance to grow and learn because marriage takes a strong commitment.