My wife is black and I am white. The problem is her mother's side of the family. When my wife is with them, she becomes, for a lack of a better term , ghetto. But, when she is with her father's side, they act more like normal society; ie. dignified and with couth. Thanksgiving was a nightmare for me. Her mother's side started telling white jokes at the dinner table and then after, put in a DVD of a comedian who went on for over 30 minutes "cracker bashing." Her father just recently moved out of state so we are stuck with her mother's side. I begged her not to commit us to Christmas dinner with her mom, but to no avail. I tried to express my feelings, asking her how she'd feel if she were with my family and they started telling "*** ger" jokes. She said she understands, but insists on putting me through this again. Any help on this ratially insensitive group would really help me. It's causing quite a strain on our relationship.
2006-12-14 06:53:17 · 16 answers · asked by William H 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
don't listen to the fools on here that tell you that you have to deal with it cuz they are wrong. first off a marrige only works if the 2 people who are married can work together as a team if not off the cliff the 2 will go......Your wife does not respect you as a man if she would allow her family to but on a dvd with a someone "cracker bashing" as you called it knowing you did not feel comfortable with it you go on to say " I tried to express my feelings, asking her how she'd feel if she were with my family and they started telling "*** ger" jokes. She said she understands, but insists on putting me through this again." <---- this statement here shows she did not take you serious enough the first time you brought it to her ears. If I were you I would not go to her families house again and when she gets upset stress it to her and tell her to make it stop when your there. if she over looks it she does not respect you nuff said. Look at that kramer issue blk people raised enough noise to get the issue noticed now he is crying he is sorry. that is what you need to do. cuz if you deal wit it and keep your mouth shut like some of these fools are saying it will keep happening. speak up and make some noise about the issue. I wish I was in your shoes I will show you how to handle the problem.....and just for the record I am blk
2006-12-14 07:19:17 · answer #1 · answered by romello20000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a product of a white father and black mother myself, I have a couple suggestions. First off is the common saying, if you can't beat them join them. In other words don't look too deep into what they are saying. If they are being goofey and not serious just laugh at the jokes if they are funny. They know you are white and you are basically family now so you will have to take it with a grain of salt. A lot of black family's make jokes about whites. My uncle who's black is married to a white woman and she has been the brunt of white jokes, she pretty much laughs it off. The other option for you is to maybe talk to her mother at some point and hint to her that those jokes make you feel uncomfortable.
2006-12-14 07:00:13 · answer #2 · answered by Bee Biscuits 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i am in an interracial marriage and my husband is caucasian and i am black. i have family members who make such jokes and i refrain from having my husband treated that way, so we go over when these relatives are not there. i would suggest letting her know how you feel once more and if it is at all possible drive two separate cars and when you've had all you can stand and you can't stands no more make an exit and let her stay the rest of the evening. it is hard enough when outside forces make you uncomfortable but family has no excuse. unfortunately, when you married her you married her family to a certain extent. however, you are not a doormat nor a child so she needs to sort out her priority to you,first, then family second. try to work it out . the world needs more colorblind love and i'm stepping of my soapbox.
2006-12-14 07:02:25 · answer #3 · answered by donnadarko71 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry man, to be honest that are Black folks out there tht feel the same way about thier family members. You know, the family members that you only see once or twice a year. I say you give her side like on or two holidays a year, buy and Ipod and take it with you when you go so that you can tune out whatever you want.
Then the other holiday you can see your family or chill at the crib. Tough situation your in man, you should have seen this coming before you married her though.
2006-12-14 06:57:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately you cant change other peoples views. I also believe that it is your wife's family and she should speak to them about their behavior if it offends you. You are her family now not them.
This is plain and simple about love and respect.
I was married and in a similar situation once, it ended in divorce. I hope you can get her to see the errors of her ways before too late. No matter what the race or religion you are a person with feelings and if her friends or family are being offensive to you then she needs to take responsibility for that and speak to them.
2006-12-14 07:06:30 · answer #5 · answered by cajohnson667 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar - though must less extreme - problem in my own family. My partner is white and my brother, every so often, likes to hold forth about the failings of "white folks." He also holds forth more unsparingly about the failings of "black folks" and others, so he doesn't come across as being anti-white so much as generally harsh sometimes. Still, I did tell him that I didn't want him making his racial remarks around me, my partner and especially our kids. He took it to hear and now very rarely makes racially charged comments around us.
I think it's time to put your foot down and tell your wife you've had enough and that you aren't going to visit her family anymore. I think that most black people don't think that racially insensitive remarks matter to whites as much as they do to blacks. I think you need to make clear that they do matter, that you are offended by them and that your wife needs to stand up to her family or you aren't going to visit them anymore.
2006-12-14 08:41:40 · answer #6 · answered by Rob B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have never got married in the first place. You obviously bought into all the media HYPE that "Ohh it doesn't matter so long as you love each other". Sorry that hollywood crap is an ideal of romanticized love over everything else. I think you are finding out that love does not indeed conquer all as the real world is not like Hollywood or a Beatles song.
Unfortunately for you I don't see a future long-term for the both of you. You ignored mother nature's instincts regarding miscegenation and will pay the price for doing so.
2006-12-14 07:36:57 · answer #7 · answered by Pookie Jenkins 1 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I know how you feel. My husband is Hispanic and I am a WASP.
When we visited his family, they said negative things about me in Spanish before they knew I understood them. Fortunately, he saw them for the racists they are.
Now we try to vacation away from either family on holidays.
2006-12-14 07:03:47 · answer #8 · answered by Buffy Summers 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first off id like to say thank you for asking this and pointing out that not only white people can be racist. furthermore id have to say just as if the situation were reversed you should A try to let it go B not blame your wife , its her mom she wants to get things to work out im sure and C if i comes to it openly tell her mother this. get in a fight if need be but warn your wife first.
2006-12-14 06:56:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to your wife and tell her how you feel, and if she insists on letting her family tell racial jokes, then tell her unfortunately you wont be able to come to any of her families functions.......she should put you first before her family.......if that doesn't work you can come to our house, we love everyone and dont tell racist jokes
2006-12-14 06:58:02 · answer #10 · answered by diva 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋