How do you cope in an interracial marriage when your spouse doesn't want to accept her family is biggotted?

Question

My wife is black and I am white. The problem is her mother's side of the family. When my wife is with them, she becomes, for a lack of a better term , ghetto. But, when she is with her father's side, they act more like normal society; ie. dignified and with couth. Thanksgiving was a nightmare for me. Her mother's side started telling white jokes at the dinner table and then after, put in a DVD of a comedian who went on for over 30 minutes "cracker bashing." Her father just recently moved out of state so we are stuck with her mother's side. I begged her not to commit us to Christmas dinner with her mom, but to no avail. I tried to express my feelings, asking her how she'd feel if she were with my family and they started telling "*** ger" jokes. She said she understands, but insists on putting me through this again. Any help on this ratially insensitive group would really help me. It's causing quite a strain on our relationship.

Answer 1

She needs to speak to them. Its reverse discrimination and unfortunately happens. If her family is as "ghetto" as you claim, they probably will not hold back even at her request. Maybe she would understand that you feel uncomfortable and you can make an excuse to go visit your family at Christmas. But she honestly should be putting your feelings first and recognize you are uncomfortable and either limit the time you guys are there or don't go at all. She can always just stop in and say Merry Christmas and be on her way.

To the guy that said she shouldn't have to cut off her family, you obviously know nothing about marriage. She choose to leave her family and "cling" to her husband. If she didn't mean the vows, she shouldn't have took them. He comes first, then family, etc.

Answer 2

If I were you I just wouldn't go with her. They obviously don't respect you and your wife is really no better if she doesn't care that you are uncomfortable being there. People tend to act like their surroundings but she seems to be taking it to extremes if she acts ghetto with one side and civilized with the other.She needs to find out who she really is and stick to being that person. She also needs to take a step back and look at your needs and wants. She may not think so, but when you marry someone, that person comes before the family. She can't put her mom over you. Especially something as petty as spending holidays with them. You can tell her you and her can spend some time together on Christmas and then if she wants to go to her mom's she can go alone. Tell her that you're not going to sit around being bashed by her family because it's obvious that they're racists.

Answer 3

You need to let her see how it feels...She doesn't care because she is being her....Before you married her did you not meet these people?

I know that I have whites inside of our family and it is a real sensitive thing because when we looked at a Malcolm X, it offended her so we just don't do things like that if it would offend any race...They are not respecting you....

Why not just not put yourself thru this mess and walk away if they are looking at comedy like that because they are not respecting you and your feelings....

I guess it is different from a black person because people tell jokes about blacks all the time but when that "N" word comes into play then it is very offensive....

Is your family racist?How is it when she goes to your family's house?Do you go....You remind me of the Bernie Mac movie with Ashton Kutcher....

I wish I knew what you could do about it but if you was to start being around people who use the "N" word, your marriage may be over and it will complicate things....

Maybe you can just sit her down and tell her how it feels.....

Answer 4

If your Wife truly Loved You, she would not subject you again to such treatment by her Family. Explain to Her that you Love HER, and Married HER, and not Her Mother.
Refuse to attend the next Thanksgiving with her Mother. Suggest that you both travel to her Father's place for Thanksgiving, or start your own custom of having Thanksgiving at your Own Home, minus her Mother and all. If she refuses, she does not truly Love you because she would not subject someone she loved to such terrible treatment. I also am married to a Wonderful Woman of a different Race, and I had to make such a decision. After our 45th Wedding Anniversary, I KNOW that I made the RIGHT ONE!

Answer 5

I am in a interracial marriage. The answer is simple: don't go. Stand up for yourself! You will not put up with that type of behavior period! Make other plans to spend time with your family or friends but don't go to her mothers! Grow a pair and put your foot down. She and her family will be upset and probably talk crap, but she and her family are wrong. Remember, they will get pissed, but there is no other way. Do not feel bad because they are upset because they are wrong.

Answer 6

Well, if they act that way, let her know, you prefer to refrain from such gathering, without being mad. If they like to incorporate you, they should be sensitive to your needs. Leave itup to them to decide.

Simply avoid what hurts. Once they promise quit, go again. Leave that to them. Your wife may have a strong sense of love and belonging in that "aura", she needs this, it has roots and meanings. To you, it is not the same. Explain this, you understand, and allow her this time, but you prefer to be left out for reasons of injury. Simple as that. Do not grudge, do not allow her to hold a grudge, setlle this in advance.

Answer 7

You need to talk to your wife about her family! It seems to me that her family doesn't show and have any RESPECT for you-especially when it comes to whites. Her family can't love and accept you for who you are because you're not Black. Her family needs to get over the fact that the both of you are together and there's nothing they can to about it! If this continues, I think its best you ignore her family and keep your distance! Actions speak louder than words, and her family is very rude and ignorant! Good luck to you and I hope my advice helps!

Answer 8

If yall are gonna be married then yall need to get an understanding and she wrong as hell for not taking up for you with her family and by the way I AM A BLACK WOMAN!!!
If I was you i would not go to through that mess again not with the, people

Answer 9

Try to raise your mother in laws consciousness about these things. Explain how when she does X it hurts you every bit as much as if someone were to do the opposite to her. And if your mother in law still insists on continuing her racist behavior you have every right to cut her out of your life. Both for your sake and for any future children you might have (or already have, you didn't say)

Answer 10

Being a made from a white father and black mom myself, I actually have a pair suggestions. initially is the hardship-unfastened asserting, in case you are able to no longer beat them connect them. In different words do no longer look too deep into what they are asserting. in the event that they are being goofey and not severe in simple terms snigger on the jokes in the event that they are humorous. They understand you're white and you're in actuality kinfolk now so which you will ought to take it with a grain of salt. multiple black kinfolk's make jokes approximately whites. My uncle who's black is married to a white female and she or he has been the brunt of white jokes, she tremendously lots laughs it off. the different option for you is to perhaps refer to her mom faster or later and hint to her that those jokes make you sense uncomfortable.