my boyfriend is 20 and we want to get married....
2006-12-14 05:44:32 · 24 answers · asked by carmenisa_boy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Someone else ask a similar question and here was my response:
I think that it is possible for a woman to be ready for marriage at a young age, but there is one thing about marriage that makes it hard (THE MAN). I am just assuming that your fiance is probably the same age as you and I can not stress enough the fact that HE IS NOT MATURE enough to handle this responsibility. I don't think men are ready until about 29 maybe 28. I bet you the men on this site will even agree with me. It isn't their fault, they just mature later then us ladies.
You say that you have gone through a lot and that you have experienced life. Make sure your partner has done the same. You don't want to be married to someone that eventually comes to you and says, "I need to discover who I am."
If you are bound and determined to get married...at least do this:
Sit down with your fiance and have the following conversations.
1. Have an open conversation about sex. What do you like? What do you expect in the future? What is your definition of fidelity? Are you satisfied with our sex life? (side note...if you are too embarrassed to have then conversation then you aren't ready for marriage.)
2. Have an open conversation about money. How much do you make? How much do you expect to make? How do you spend money? What are your future financial goals (ex. own a home, buy a car, go to college)?
3. Have an open conversation about family. Do you want children? How many? How do you expect to raise them? Where do you expect to raise them? How do the two of you feel about your perspective in-laws? How big of a role will they play in your life?
4. Have an open conversation about your life up to now. What have you gone through? What baggage are you bringing to this marriage?
If you can't have an open conversation about any of these issues then you are NOT ready or your partner is NOT ready. A part of being an adult is being able to recognize your motive behind an action and being honest with yourself about your decision process.
Just remember the only thing you have control over is your own actions. You can not control someone else and you have to have complete trust that you are picking the right partner for you. Nobody gets married thinking they are going to get divorced, but sometimes people don't evaluate the other person in the equation enough.
2006-12-14 05:53:32 · answer #1 · answered by Gonzo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess it is ok, but probably not the smartest decision. At 17, you have so much of your life to experience. You will change so much!
Why not wait? Experience life together. If it is true, it will last whether you are married or not. Allow yourselves time to mature before you make such a permanent decision. Trust me, you don't want to end up in an unhappy marriage!! You will quite possibly find yourself in a situation where you have children, very little education, and you feel like you are trapped in a very unhappy life. Give yourself more opportunity than that. What is the hurry? You have your whole lives to spend together. Get a good education, find some financial stability, be sure that you love each other enough to go through all the rough times that you will face together, and then get married.
I realize that some people mature faster than others, and I am not telling you not to do it. I just suggest that you think really hard about what marriage means, and don't go into this with some fairy tale image. It is very hard!! The love and lust begin to wear off as time goes on. You begin to rely on the trust, respect and commitment that you have to one another. Be sure that you try to understand what that really means before you go into it.
If I had to put an age on marriage, I would suggest that you wait until you are at least 23 - 25. You will know better then who you are and what you truly want out of a relationship.
Good luck to you!!
2006-12-14 06:01:17 · answer #2 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like the three people that said yes were all around your age and doing the same thing. However, everyone who said no was older and had more years of experience to draw upon. If you are smart you will understand that maturity comes in time and that 17 years of life is just not enough time to gain the maturity needed for a HAPPY marriage.
Waiting to marry does not take away any joy from your relationship. So you really have nothing to lose by waiting.
2006-12-14 06:10:21 · answer #3 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!!!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!
You are young, you have your whole life ahead to make those decisions. Why rush into things. I would hate to see you sorry in the long run. You should complete your schooling, maybe college and have some fun before you decide on marriage. Believe me, I married at 19. I was not ready, looking back. I had a open road ahead and was in too much of a hurry to get married, have kids, now, I wish I'd done things differently. I am not sorry about having my children but I am sorry about marrying so young.
Please reconsider.
2006-12-14 06:26:28 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are too young. What kind of career could you have at 17? Cashier at McDonald's? I'm not trying to be mean just realistic.
Finish your education, get your real career on track, save enough money so you can survive for a year if you lost your job and DO NOT GO INTO DEBT!
Remember always pay yourself FIRST (which includes savings) then all bills.
Let your relationship continue to blossom as this process takes place. You will come out WAY ahead in the end.
2006-12-14 05:56:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was 20 my wife was 17 when we married 49 years ago.We have had good times but many many bad times.At that age you have so much living to do.There is a good chance you will end up in divorce.I was wild and not ready to be tied down.I cheated on her so much because the wild side of me.It wasn't until 27 years that I settled down and knew what I had done to her and our children as of new years eve we will have 49 years to gather and the last 27 have been the happiest in my life.To answer your in portent question you have a life time ahead of you I do not recommend getting married at that young age.I was lucky to have a understanding wonder full wife.Good luck in what ever you do.& God bless you.
2006-12-14 06:01:41 · answer #6 · answered by I'm Jerry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that getting your education should come first. You never know how your marriage will work out and it would be a good idea for you to have at least your first degree to fall back on. Once you get married you will get a lot of unexpected costs pop up because you never planned for them. I don't think that you are too young but you should plan ahead for your future if you do decide to get married. If not, I'd wait a few years and try college out and then get married.
2006-12-14 05:56:35 · answer #7 · answered by angelicasongs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that is perfectly fine because i am 17 also and me and my boyfriend(he is 20 also) are planning to get married next year in october. If you feel that he is the one for you then go right ahead.
2006-12-14 05:50:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should wait until your 18 or older. I would also hope that you've been dating for awhile. Because sadly it probably wont last if you've been dating for a few months or a year. I've been dating my boyfriend for four years, I still dont know what I wanna do. My aunt got married at 15... they're still married and in love!
2006-12-14 05:51:12 · answer #9 · answered by Jess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what I've heard, you have to be with somebody for at least a year to see if its really love. I know someone who got married at 17; he regrets it now because of all the responsibility, and he cant go out and have much fun.
2006-12-14 05:51:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋