My husband and I recently got married three months ago...both of us virgins. Still after 3 months and a LOT of KY, sex is still painfull. :~( I'm a very small 5'2 woman size 0-3 in pants!! So my mother and mom-in law tell me its because I'm so small and things will get better once I "get some meat on my bones!" But...I was wondering if anyone knew an actual cause or something I can get or buy to make things "sensational!!"
Thanks,
sad woman
2006-12-14 05:29:10 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you had good sex with him at all. If not you are probably still anxious and the fact that it has hurt in the past makes you nervous that it will hurt everytime. Try to relax make him start out really slow. Make out for a while kiss and enjoy being with each other this wiil help ease the tension and it won't hurt.
2006-12-14 05:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Since you were both inexperienced when you got married the chances are that you guys aren't putting in the necessary fore_play before progressing on to the next step. If you are extremely ready then there isn't any need for the KY at your age.
Pain can sometimes occur if you have fibroids. Get a check up with your Ob-Gyn and make sure your yearly is done and everything is okay. Make sure you tell doc about the pain.
Give it time. With experience things will become much better.
He will also learn some how to control "finishing" without being "finished". Don't give up and continue learning and exploring with your mate.
2006-12-14 05:36:15 · answer #2 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not providing enough information. Is this vaginal, anal or oral sex.
Vaginal: sex should not be painfull unless you both don't know what your doing (virgins until marriage, is one heck of a good reason) or your bodies have not adjusted to the sudden use of certain body parts.
Anal: This too should not be painful after the anus is "broken in". However, this anus does no self lubricate, the tissue is very easily damaged and it's extremely prone to pass infectious diseases. Lots and lots of lube should take care of some of the pain issues. However, I don't recommend this particular sex act.
Oral: Nearly impossible to be painful unless... You're biting each other, jaws get sore from the woman's mouth being open too wide, the tissue that connects the tongue to the bottom of the mouth is torn due to licking the vagina and friction of this tissue against the bottom teeth.
Suggestions: Get some books and or go to the doctor and ask.
2006-12-14 05:40:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear the sex thing hasn't worked out for you.
Your mother and mother-in-law are wrong about the weight gain thing - you getting bigger on the outside isn't going to make your vagina any wider on the inside!
You and your man should try going back to the drawing board on the sex thing - you're vagina is still too narrow and that's why it hurts!
You and your man are going to have to "train" your vagina!
You need to have him do a LOT of foreplay and oral on you (I mean like 30 to 45 minutes) and then, when you're really relaxed and horny, have him put ONE finger in you - with a LOT of KY.
Do that every time you guys get intimate until you're comfortable with his finger in you.
Then once that's comfortable, the next time you two get intimate, do the same thing, but use TWO fingers and a LOT of KY.
Then once you can handle two fingers, upgrade to THREE fingers + a LOT of KY.
Then FOUR...
By that time, (maybe a month or two later) you should be ready to handle your man's penis (again, lots of foreplay, lots of oral, lots of lube and lots of patience - it's your vagina, so YOU set the pace, not him!)
If he's not happy about the delay in letting him penetrate you, just give him oral after you do the exercises I described above - I'm sure he won't have a problem with that!
If that doesn't work, you might have a medical problem - maybe you have an inverted uterus or a collapsed vagina or something like that - if it still hurts, see your gynocologist and ask her what can she do to correct the problem.
Good luck and I hope you go from being "sad woman" to "happy woman"!
2006-12-14 05:46:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now that you are married and have a sex life, you need to get regular pelvic exams by an ob/gyn, which can rule out any concerns about painful sex.
Your size may also contribute, however. I am in my late 30's, had 4 children vaginally, and have been around the block a few times. But my fiance is...well, rather well-endowed, and sex hurt for the first couple months with him. My body had to learn to accomodate him, as your's will likely do, too.
2006-12-14 06:26:20 · answer #5 · answered by moniquebell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are still having discomfort during innercourse after 3 months it is time to see the Doctor. I know that this is a hard thing to tak about so if you don't already have an ob/gyn you need to get one now. Descide if a woman or man is better for you, then call your local physicians referal center and tell them what you need in a dr. BE Spacific. Then go and see HIM/HER. there are several different reasons that sex can be painfull. Some easially remadied others take time but it is important that you address this situation before you are ready to have Children.
2006-12-14 05:41:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It shouldn't hurt honey. There are dilators that come in graduating sizes, smaller to larger that can help open you up some. See a gynecologists about that.
I'm thinking maybe your spouse isn't giving you enough foreplay. You should be very wet before he enters you. Ky shouldn't even be in a newlyweds bedroom. He should go down on you and make you come before intercourse, so you'll be nice and wet and ready when he enters you. Good luck.
2006-12-14 05:34:59 · answer #7 · answered by Firespider 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are lubes and lotions that might help. But the most important thing to do is to take things easy between the two of you. Have a conversation and try to relax from having to have sex.
Stay intimate. And really go easy on how you approach sex. For instance, if you've always been under and he's the more active one on top, try reversing it and pacing it to your comfort. Holding him in your hands and delicately guiding him very slowly in a playful way can also help.
Over time, as your elders have advised you, it should get a lot easier and better for you. Good luck.
2006-12-14 05:36:10 · answer #8 · answered by houstonian352000 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Ask a doctor - sex should be pleasurable, not painful. If its painful, you might be doing something wrong. Ignore what your mother in law tells you and see a doctor about this - and don't be shy about telling the doctor everything - in order to help you they will need to know. Also, don't feel too bad about this, as you are not the first person to have this problem - I've heard of this before.
2006-12-14 05:33:16 · answer #9 · answered by Paul H 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well it hurt me for the first 6 months. Now it only feels good. But my boyfriend at the time was huge. We just kept doing it all the time and eventually it got better. Don't worry. It will get better. Try doing different positions. I find it's less painfull when I'm on top. Try different things. Good Luck.
2006-12-14 05:34:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The size of your vagina has nothing to do with what size pants you wear! That's like assuming the larger a man's pant size, the bigger his penis must be!
First, get yourself to the OBGYN for a complete checkup. You need to make sure all of your female parts are where they should be and in the shape that they should be.
If there are no problems there, then experiment with different positions until you find the one(s) that work for you & your partner.
2006-12-14 05:33:16 · answer #11 · answered by kja63 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋