I have a follow up question to my original. I appreciate all of your input, because Im really struggling with this. I ended the friendship awfully. My friend continued to call and IM me, but I dodged him (REALLY rough patch in my life...drugs, drinking, ashamed to face him and let him see what I was doing to myself). Then got back with now hubby and continued to dodge...he just stopped calling after a while. I feel terrible, and I want to let him know how sorry I am for letting his friendship go. Its been 4 years and Im not looking for anything, but I feel its important for him to know that what I did was terribly regrettable, and that I will always cherish his friendship.
2006-12-14 05:18:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
you def. have an issue on your hands.. first off I'm sorry to hear that your going thru all this losing a friend is hard, giving forgiveness is even harder but you know what.. saying I'm sorry even 20 years later will still mean alot from a friend who really cares about you.. not everything ends in a fairy tale we all know this.. but you have to do what makes you feel ok with yourself because right now I'm sure your just thinking about it alot, I mean he is your friend and I can tell you care about him alot too..
I think it's a good idea just to apologize and tell him how you feel wheather it's in person or in a letter.. sure it would be better in person but I know how hard it is too, to see there reaction.. let it all out whatever it is.. you'll feel peace within yourself.. who knows it might get you us to talk about what happend.. and it will give you a chance to gain back your friendship.. if there's no conversation and you don't hear back from him.. give him a couple of days don't call him or have someone ask him for you on how he's doing.. just let it be.. and if he still doesn't then you have to take it in.. whatever the outcome becomes...
just know a true friend is a forever friend, who can forgive..
Best of Luck Girl
2006-12-14 05:28:46 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Miss Mimzy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One of the 12 steps is making amends. It's an important step, for reasons you are now aware. Many people, most people, find it difficult to move on because of regret.
It does not matter how the other person reacts to your apology or whatever, it only matters that you have tried, sincerely to apologize for whatever wrong you feel you have committed against this person or these people. That will clear your conscience and allow you to move on with your life, which you have not done even though you may think you have.
Face to face is best because, if you write you will want to follow up with a call. If you call you will want to look him straight in the face to see how he reacts. Skip the slow and painful way and go directly to the quick and painful way.
Good luck.
2006-12-14 05:26:10 · answer #2 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's the thing, at this point he probably could care less about all the wrong things you've done wrong. He just wants to make sure his friend is alright. Don't be ashamed of all the wrong things you've done - think of talking to him as a way to voice what your feeling inside (shame, regret and sadness over the loss of a friend) at the end of the conversation you would have dealt with all three of these emotions and would feel a burden lifted off your shoulders.
Everyone makes mistakes in life - no one is perfect.
Don't chastise yourself for mistakes you've made in the past. Just pick up the pieces and look at the trials you went through were lessons learned and move on. Forgiveness is at times hard to give and at times hard to admit that you need it. Don't feel guilty - forgive yourself for slipping up and move on to better things ahead.
If he's a worthy friend he'd forgive you.
God Bless and Good Luck!
2006-12-14 05:26:21 · answer #3 · answered by Sasha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would write a letter at first apologizing and stating the reasons for what you did. And I would extend an invitation to either start your friendship over or just to discuss what happened. If he declines then at least you spoke your peace. Good Luck. I have lost several friends to similar situations, and the true friends came back
2006-12-14 05:21:38 · answer #4 · answered by anchorali2001 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would try writing him a letter. That way he has no chance to walk away, or hang up the phone, or anything of that nature. You say what you need to say to him and leave the ball in his court. He may not want to speak with you, so be prepared for that. Just know that what you had to say, he now knows and I hope you feel better after doing this.
2006-12-14 05:23:26 · answer #5 · answered by babyj248 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"Its been 4 years and Im not looking for anything, but I feel its important for him to know that what I did was terribly regrettable, and that I will always cherish his friendship."
Tell him exactly that ask him if he'll forgive you. If he says he does, then great. If he doesn't then I guess you'd have to move on....
2006-12-14 05:22:27 · answer #6 · answered by swelwynemma 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest writing a letter. Explain that you hate the way things ended and felt like you needed to apologize in order to have closure. Then ask for forgiveness.
2006-12-14 05:21:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
so basically you didnt want him to see that you were throwing your life away...? He could have tried to help you if you would have just let him in on whats going on with your life at this time, if he was truley a good friend then you should have been able to let him help you he wouldnt have judged you.
2006-12-14 05:24:55 · answer #8 · answered by *[Hanna]* 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well then call him and let him know what went down stop beating yourself up and tell the man. Who knows he could still be hurting.
2006-12-14 05:22:53 · answer #9 · answered by SexyRed16 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start re-reading your post where you say, "I feel terrible.....those last few sentences are what you tell him. Don't you see that when you "write" out your problems, you usually write out the solution?
2006-12-14 05:24:15 · answer #10 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋