How do you begin to change yourself after many mistakes?

Question

Okay I'm a sophmore in highschool and stuff had been really hard lately i want to change out of my ways because im not doing good i lost my mother 4 years ago and i think im still upset about that i drink and i smoke and im currently going out with someone thats almost 4 years older than me. I am sexually active and i shouldnt be i want to change into a better person i just dont know where to stop my dad knows what i have been doing and he hates it i cant talk to him about anything at all because i dont feel comfortable i have an older sister but she doesnt want to hear it. I do do good in school but i know i can do better like i used to i still miss this boy i went out with for 2 years but i cheated on him and he hates me because he could never trust me again i would give my life to have him back because i was a good person when i was with him he helped me change but now im back where i started. . i just wanted to know if there was anyone out there to give me some advice or to talk to

Answer 1

First I would begin with my appearance. If you currently prefer suggestive clothes, cover up. If your hair is dyed a color that is not natural, fix it. If you are covered up in piercings, take them out. If you must smoke, do it in private, never ever in public. Stop drinking, AA helps. Take control by realizing that you are young, beautiful, talented, even if others can't or won't see it. That is there problem, not yours. I wish you luck. Loving yourself is the best Christmas gift you can give to you.

Answer 2

I'm sorry, I wish I was there to help you with missing your mother, my son's father passed away 2 years ago, he's having the hardest time coping with that (even with counseling).I was never close to my older sister at all while we were teenagers. As far as she goes, don't worry- my sister and I are the best of friends now and I love her so much. Things will change there, just give it time.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to your father, just tell him how you don't, tell him you need him (he is all you have right now) Tell him you would really like to have some help dealing with the issues at hand, mainly your mother I think...he may open up and respond to you reaching out. Try to quit the smoking and drinking, if anything, think of it this way, it will age you and no one wants to look old before their time. Being sexually active is not good either, the younger you have sex the more it increases your chance of cervical cancer, so remember that when you're about to____...you know?
Good luck, keep your chin up and realize that what you do now can affect you for the rest of your life, make your goal be to have a GREAT life that you can be happy in and prosper! Make your Mother proud.

Answer 3

OK killer, you drank from the cup of adulthood before you were ready and the contents are a lot more potent than a 14 year-old can handle. You can fix this though. It will take some discipline, but at least it's not too late. First, identify those things in your life that you know are bad, or that you just aren't ready for, including people, make a list. Next identify what is positive and healthy in your life, like your father or your field hockey team, that kind of thing. Next, avoid the bad stuff by increasing the time you spend doing the positive stuff. The fact that your mom has died is terrible, but you cannot let that be your excuse for the things you do. The reason you are sexually active is because you are trying to regain that acceptance and love that you got from your mom. We all need to feel loved. You should not be with a guy that is that much older than you when you are under 18. It is illegal for him to have sex with you, he can go to jail! The reason why it is illegal is because it is unbelievably easy for him to manipulate you and control you, at a time when your skills with the opposite sex should be slowly and naturally progressing through interacting with those of similar age and skill level. The age thing isn't a big deal later, my gf is 21, I'm 27, and we have a happy and healthy relationship as equals. But at your age, you don't physically have the mental ability, which is formed through experience, trial and error, to deal with the sexual advances of an 18 yo boy. You will be much happier and better off, in the long-run, if you date someone within a year or so of you. That gives you the opportunity to learn together, not play catch-up. Stop trying to be a grownup. There will be plenty of time for that later. Enjoy being a kid! It is OK to get help. It is good that you sought advice on this issue. The easiest way, believe it or not, is to be honest. I know how awkward it can be to talk about stuff with your day, but I think if you tell him "Dad, I need to talk to you." sit down with him, tell him you need him to JUST LISTEN. Make him promise not to talk, or interrupt you, till you say it's OK. Then, just dump it all on him, what you've done, what you're ashamed of, and the fact that you want to change and you need his help. He will be upset, but the fact that you came to him and asked for his help should amaze him. Suggest spending more time together and doing things as a family. The most important relationship a girl will ever have with a man, is with her father. He is her model for a male companion. If your relationship with him is good, then your other relationships with men will be too. If not, well...you go on Jerry Springer. Good luck! BE BRAVE!

Answer 4

I kind of know where you are coming from, but only through other peoples experiences. I am a really good person to talk to and love to help others, so here goes. The guy that you still love will need time to get used to the idea of accepting you in his life. I'm not saying he will take you back, but give him time and don't push the idea too much. I also recommend that you seek GOD, because you will realize what you have been searching for is in His Word (The Bible). Finally, I just want to say, try to begin to talk to him like friends again and slowly move into a relationship. Without GOD, I believe you might not get him back, and with GOD you might, and you may be criticized for it, but true belief and faith will make you stronger. I hope you will consider these ideas when you begin to change. If you would like help with anything else, just e-mail me. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Admitting there is a problem is the first step to finding a solution. Maybe you should consider counseling as a means to fully define the problem help come up with solutions. I think you should stop punishing yourself for the sins of the past and work on not doing those things you feel were wrong.

If you want to, you can change. Just try not to repeat the self-destructive patterns of the past.

Answer 6

First of all understand that you are a good person you just need to change some behaviors...good suggestions from above but also you should find yourself a really good sunday school class and church to attend that will help a lot also! Thats what helped me I had very troubled teenage years so i know what your going through Good Luck Sweetie It will get better!

Answer 7

Well, based on the fact that I do not know the exact situation you're in, I cannot really advise you, but can give you suggestions. First, think about the things that you want to change about yourself and write them down. Then try to think of a way where you can take small steps in order to solve your larger problems. For example, it seems to me like you need to break up with your "boyfriend." I'm not saying you have to, but it is just my opinion. Anyways, start off by telling him you need a break and that he needs to give you space. Then, you will eventually get to the point where you can break up with him. But you must remember to do give him space too. If you keep calling him, then he will get the wrong opinion of your intentions.

Changing yourself is very hard to do, so you have to seriously set your mind to it. When you make a decision, you stick with it and do not change, else you will just confuse the hell out of your life.

As for your old boyfriend, take it slow. I know I would be pretty pissed at you for doing something like that. But, he will eventually forgive you. It may take a while, but keep trying. I don't mean bothering him about a relationship, but just letting him know that you like him as a friend, ie say hi to him when you pass in the hallway. Enough positives can overshadow a negative, but never completely erase it.

Drinking and smoking are pretty bad things for someone your age to be doing. Gradually try to quit. I had a little drinking problem for a while, but after I set my mind to seriously cutting back, and took it slowly, I now do not drink nearly as much as I did. I still do, but not to the extent that I did. Quiting something completely is difficult, but definitely doable

But, in the end, I think you should go to see your school counselor and talk to that person about what you mentioned here. It is a very hard thing to do, but these people do this for a living and enjoy it and really would like to help you. I don't like going to see my psychiatrist, but she helps me, so I force myself to do it.

Just remember, one step at a time. You will eventually grow up and out of the "funk" you're in.

Answer 8

First of all stop beating yourself up over decisions you made that you think are bad. You have to stop defining who you are by the "bad" decisions you have made. You are young and you have a lifetime to put yourself on the right path so stop telling yourself that you don't deserve good things in your life. Counseling might help you too and I'll bet you anything that your dad would be willing to help - in fact, I'm sure he'd like nothing more. Just ask him the question you are asking us, he'll be relieved. I would if my 16 yo daughter came to me.

Answer 9

Be yourself.
Evolve.
You can not turn back the clock.
Learn from your mistakes, do not repeat them, and move on.
Tell your old boy friend how you feel.
No matter what happens, what bothers you now about the past, will be out of your head.

Answer 10

Seek help of your coucilers at school they can probably get you in touch with some people you can talk to about your problems. Also if you are doing drugs talk to your counciler at school as well. They should be able to get you in contact with people you can talk too and people that can help you with your smoking drinking etc..