How do you tell a father that his divorce is screwing up his son?

Question

A guy I know seems clueless that his recent divorce and remarriage is affecting his son. I talked with his ex-wife and the kid is about to go into counselling. He and his new wife act like everything is great and the kid is in pain. Personally I'd like to embarass him (and the new wife since I know they had a long time affair) and tell his employer and mutual friends. Okay knowing how important a father is to me, I'd like to bust him in the jaw. So the question is how do you say this so that he ponies up to his responsibility? Not to throw money and see the kid once a month.

Answer 1

Since you didn’t say HOW the father is screwing up the son, just that it’s due to the divorce and remarriage, then I’m going to assume the child is simply unhappy that those things have occurred. It’s not abnormal for the child to feel that way, but it’s something the child has to learn to deal with. And since he’s starting counseling, he (hopefully) will be learning to deal with it. Apparently, the situation is being handled. And by the way, it’s really none of your business.

EDIT:
After re-reading your post, you did mention some HOW’S. You said: “He and his new wife act like everything is great and the kid is in pain.” You don’t know what going on in Dad’s mind or what private conversations he’s having. Just because someone acts to others like everything is ‘great’ doesn’t mean they believe it is. You also said he sees the kid "once a month". For all I know there could be a reason for that. The reasons could be many, but don’t bother telling me what you THINK they are, because you don’t know for sure. Again, it’s not any of your business. But frankly you sound like the bitter ex-wife to me. Not that I'm condoning a man leaving his family for another woman (if in fact, that is what happened).

Answer 2

This is a selfish man. That is why he has so little concern for his ex or his son. Telling his employer will get you nowhere. As long as he is doing his job, the employer doesn't care what he does with his personal life. Fighting won't be good, either. However, if you really want the man to help his son, tell him that you know for a fact his son is in counseling due to his father's departure from his life. So he ISN'T fine. The kid is in pain, and you thought he might want to know so he could arrange to spend some more time with him. (I hear you that he had an affair, but you don't know his side of the story. Maybe she was a cold fish, a nag, I don't know and neither do you, really. We didn't live with them.) The boy is what counts here. Tell him you thought you were helping to let him know about his son's problems and that you are sure he'll want to help his boy and you hope he'll call him soon.

Answer 3

Hopefully the counseling will help the kid thru this time. It's rough but kids have a way of pulling thru these times. It's better the parents aren't together rather then be together and possibly arguing where the kid could possibly hear it. If you know about the father having a long affair with this woman he married I'm sure his ex knew about it as well. So I'm sure if she's like most women would be she's probably happy he's out of her life.

Answer 4

What is your relationship with this family?
If it is not blood stay the hell out of it.
Sad as it may, the relationship, or lack thereof, is not your problem.
I do know that sticking you nose into his new marriage or worse his employment will put you in a very tenuous position. It could ultimately result in your being involved in legal action.

Answer 5

This is none of your concern. You'd be wise to stay out of this. Although you have every right to your opinion this isn't your life so keep away.

What matters is that if YOU have a kid you'll know what NOT to do in that relationship.