How do I fix this lie?

Question

I am in such a mess.I have been divorced for three years. I lived with my parents for a while three years ago when I left my husband. My ex threatened my life & was heavy heavy into cocaine. I had a three year old & was pregnant with 2nd. I was scared for my life, he said he was going to hurt me & the child. I live in a country club gated community. Well, about a year later, I moved down the street in the same country club with the kids to a house that my dad bought for me & kids to live in. He said I was not to ever allow the ex into his house. So, to make things easier I never told the ex we moved down the street. It is the same town, same country club but a street over from parents. I did not want to provoke a fight with him. He has supervised visitation w/ kids due to drug usage, so I always bring kids to him b/c I am the supervisor. Also, he is not allowed overnights. But now, this lie has gone on & it is three years later. How do I tell him? I am so afraid of threats again

Thanks all for the replies. My oldest child is six and I am afraid she is going to tell him and then he is going to flip out on me for lying but I don't want to tell her to lie. What do you think?

Answer 1

He's your ex that treated you and your kids like crap...why do you feel compelled to come clean with him? You did what you did in the best interest of yourself and the kids. You don't own the ex anything. If he brings it up, tell him it's none of his business.

Answer 2

He doesn't deserve the truth--You are protecting you and your children---He doesn't need to know where you live --well he thinks he knows already and that's good enough--you keep your secret safe and that will insure your safety as well as the safety of the children--Drug users are a scary breed--they don't have respect for them selves so how can your expect them to respect you or your property--they will steal from their own parents children and other family members--They put their needs first regardless on who it will hurt --so why are you concerned with this?? You don't need to feel guilty about anything --He is the one that threw away his family he choose the drugs over you --so be it he made his bed so he can just sleep in it--Do not listen to his lies--do not let him make you feel guilty--you have been the responsible one --you now have a good safe home--Parents that so obviously love you and the children--don't throw that away--
If you think that telling him the truth will set you free think again--how do you think your family would feel if he did know and came to your home and harmed you or your property?? How devastated would they be?? These are the ones that love you HE DOES NOT --He LOVES the drugs--DON'T EVER TELL HIM !! PLEASE
God Bless you and your children --I hope that whatever I had to say gave you some relief from the guilt that you should NOT even have to begin with --

Answer 3

In this particular situation, I think continuing the lie is a good idea- especially if you are still afraid. If your ex threatened your and your children's lives at one time, it is a good idea not to gamble with "will he or won't he do it again?". Three years is not very long with addictions are involved. Has he gotten help? Is he rehabilitated? Does he have any reason to tell you the truth in these matters? (drug addicts are very prone to lying) If your conscience is bothering you about lying to him, I would try to change my thinking so that it doesn't. The decision to keep this information from him is to protect you and your children and that makes the lie justified. Be safe, don't be sorry. Perhaps when your children are much older, truths can be told, but not now when they are so completely dependant on you to protect them. Take care.

Answer 4

You said, "I never told the ex we moved down the street." To not tell something is not a lie -- it is witholding information. You are prudent to withold this information. If you have ever stated to him that you still live with your parents, it would be OK to tell him that you no longer do live with them. However, you should not, under any circumstances, tell him where you do live. By the way, congratulations on being so moral -- your conscience makes it hard for you when you feel that you are not being entirely truthful with someone. That is a very refreshingly moral stance these days. In the interests of safety, however, please remain silent about your current address.

Answer 5

First, the safety of you and your children are most important. If I were in your position, I dont think I would want him to know that I have moved especially if he is still on drugs. There is always that possibility that he might try to come to your home while he is under the influence, which would not be a pretty picture. I would continue to take the kids to see him and leave it at that. I went through a similiar situation myself and I take my daughter to see her father as much as possible, but he does not know where I live and I plan on keeping it that way.

Answer 6

Your "dishonesty" has been to protect you and your children. Do NOT feel that he ever has to know the truth. That would be like telling the four year old how to play with a loaded gun. Have some sense woman! You have every right to your fears- cocaine addiction can result in HIGHLY dangerous behaviors in the user and these can be permanent, whether the person stops using or not.

Answer 7

Because of the nature of his violence. You don't owe him explanation of any kind. He gets to see the kids supervise. Let him think whatever. But now you run the possibility of the kids telling him and even then it's none of his business. He should be happy that he sees the kids at all.

Answer 8

i assume the wonderful element you're able to do now is tell the fact consistently even whilst it may land you in difficulty. believe is a few thing thta must be earned and takes a mutually as to enhance. it can be a mutually as until now everybody trusts tht you're no longer mendacity, even though it is going to take place for you. until now you be attentive to it pple will forget approximately the guy you have been and in basic terms rem this guy or woman youve improve into.

Answer 9

Are you just out of your mind, HE HAS SUPERVISED VISITS, APPARENTLY THE COURTS DEEMED IT NECESSARY FOR WHATEVER THE REASON......HE DOES NOT EVEN REMOTELY NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU NOW LIVE ALONE. THIS MAN THREATEN YOUR LIFE AND YOUR CHILD'S LIFE THAT THERE MY FRIEND IS REASON ENOUGH TO NOT TELL HIM YOU LIVE ALONE WITH JUST YOUR KIDS....GATED COMMUNITY....IS NOT GOING TO STOP HIM, IF HE REALLY WANTS TO HURT YOU......THINK, Before you say another thing.

Answer 10

He does not need to know u live alone!!! You owe him no explanations!!! You have done well with your kids, now do right by them. DO NOT TELL HIM!!!! This is not a lie, it is a security system!!!!