Help with a poem...?

Question

I like to write poetry. However i'm not very good at it yet. I can really use some constructive criticism on this poem.
It's about a man who loses his wife during childbirth and is left with his newborn baby daughter to raise which he calls his angel. It's not based on a story in my life, just something I made up.

Four days and seven minutes ago…
That’s when I lost my baby.
It was so sad, to see her go…
That I cried myself to sleep at night.
Sometimes I stop and wonder…
Why it had to happen to her.
But on the other hand…
Four days and seven minutes ago…
God blessed me with an angel
To watch over me when times are hard…
And to remind me that life must go on.

Please don't accuse me of stealing a poem off the internet. It came from my heart and I copied it onto paper. That's the only copying I did and if it's wrong, THEN SUE ME!

Answer 1

its a good poem and i must say you are very creative however u should not make use of ...,instead use commas.The imagery is good there's something i should point out.In line four i dont think the "That" is necessary.you are good,keep it up

Answer 2

Keep flying my love, the angel is right here,
Know I am by your side, my sweet kind dear;

We will wait, for you to come, visit us again,
In winter, summer, fall, spring, sunshine or rain;

The twinkle in her eyes reminds me always of you,
She smiles very often, plays yet seldom, cries too;

She looks around as if, you too are here with her,
Instead of you, I wish, I had died and left, I swear;

Fate always has its way, we can't change back the clock,
To turn around this event, pull me out of this fateful shock;

I would if I could but I know I cannot, leave angel all alone,
My face smiles back at her, yet my heart is shattered and torn.


I hope this works for you....

Answer 3

My love, my dream come true, my joy, my pride,
Why?why leave so soon, why not wait for the tide;

Our oath, we took, was togetherness,all the time,
So early you left us , though still not reached your prime;

If I could, I would, join you in your journey to the sky,
With your gift wrapped around me,although am thrilled, but I still cry;

Our pride, we desired, our prayers answered so fast,
I am here with our joy you brought , yet living in the past;

Do never forget my words, I promised that special day,
On you I lay my trust and faith, everyday come what may;

You have left us for now I know , but you still exist right here,
In my arms and my heart forever, rest now and have no fear.

PS: not completed yet...needs some fine tuning....will complete soon and correct any mistakes in the composition...

Answer 4

u got that from the internet u copy writing cow