Amended: My husband changed my personality...how do I get it back?

Question

I am married my husband 5 years ago, from the second day into our marriage he started being abusive. I slowly lost myself in that treatment.

I forgot to mention we have kids together, though he does not want to be apart of they lives,.

Now I am beginning my divorce, which I am so excited about. My question is what can I do to find myself again, to get back to the real me? Thanks for your help!

Answer 1

Let's be real, your husband can't change your personality. You choose to allow yourself to be changed.

Own that first, and you will be well on your way to becoming a more healthy person.

The best suggestion I have is to ignore you husbands faults and work on your own issues, WITHOUT blaming him or saying he changed you.

You will be a much better person for this.

I'm not saying he is without fault. What I'm saying is that you have to focus on what you have control over, which is yourself.

If you claim your husband changed you, you are admitting that you GAVE control to him.

He can't take control, unless you give it.

So, I respectfully ask that you own your part, and forget about assigning blame to him.

Answer 2

You have to give yourself some time away from the situation for that to happen. It WILL happen, however. You "lost" it slowly, so you'll get it back the same way.

I was in a relationship like that for 8 years. He was emotionally abusive (not physical), but he delighted in making me feel "less of a person" because it made him feel "more of a person" for some reason. On the day I woke up and realized I didn't want to spend the rest of my life like that, I left him. Fortunately we didn't have kids together because he was too selfish to be a good parent OR a good partner. It didn't take me too long to "recover". That was a very very long time ago, now almost ancient history. I found a wonderful guy, and we've been happy together for 26 years. We now have grown kids and grand kids, and life is good.

It's out there for you too. I promise.

Answer 3

My mom went through the same boat you did, and the touble is I was around 14 when they divorced. You need to first worry about the children....they know they aren't a priority to your husband, but they need to know they are your priority. There's not much advise people are going to really understand it's one of those to each his own types of things. Your work is definetely going to be something that will help you keep your mind off things. Other than that, I just have to say I'm sorry and I hope you can find a way to come to peace with things. I have been the only man in my mom's life for 6 years now, and it's difficult for me, because it's not my position, but I knew she cared for me when I was younger, that she was the one who was always there and I stuck by her side. I will never talk to my old man again, and I haven't seen or spoken to him since they divorced. Abuse is something I never want in my life or my mother's again. SO good luck and stay strong, part of the real you is found in your kids....

Answer 4

Time! The worst answer ever, but the only answer. You won't change back to who you were or are, over night. Basically just behave how you want, do what you want, and be who you are. The main thing is, when you start to think Should I wear this? Don't take into account, what HE would have said, or what you think Others my think. What do you THINK on the clothes? Do you like them? Wear them! Do you not like them? Then don't wear them.

It's just going to take time, just take care of yourself and your kids, and now that the abusive factor is gone, you will be fine. The most important thing to remember is not to go bouncing right into another relationship right away. You would be much better if you took 1 year off from dating.

Answer 5

first ,let me say that I have complete sympathy for your situation, and allow me to do a little helpfull corrections,1),you are mistaken by quoting he changed your personality,he can't do that,however you may have allowed him to influence and break down your character,and that can be salvaged and repaired.2)My reccomendation for you is to get more involved with the church and the bible,as well as self help devotionals,family christioan counseling would also help even if it's just you and the children attending.3)if he is physically abusive,detach from the relationship immediately and seek help.4) if it's emotional abuse then through counselling you can learn how to buikld a stronger character and fight against this type of treatment,It is actually a choice of yours wether you will accept it or not. Congrads on being excited for gaining your freedom you are actually off to the first step.Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 6

The real you has changed from the experience. The thing to be careful of is that a lot of people harken back to the day when the weren't married or had kids. This was typically more of a carefree time. You will still have kids that you need to care for. Don't go to the previous you but a new and better you.

Answer 7

Don't go back to being the old you. That is how you found yourself in this mess in the first place. What is it about you, that allowed you to give up every piece of yourself to please an abuser. Why did you let him control you? Fix that. Then explore what it is in life which makes you happy. Protect yourself and your children. Learn to be strong! You must explore and find out how to make You Happy! Put as much effort into this, and the past is just that past, then you will find out how Truly Fabulous you are. I bet you have been supportive and strong for others many times, now be that support and strength for Yourself. Good Luck! Have Fun!

Answer 8

First realize you never lost the real you, you simply evloved into someone stronger, wiser, capable of dealing with hardships and continuing to love and live with boldness and dignity. Get to know who you are today by taking time for yourself. Set time each day to write in a journal how you feel or what you did, make time to see something new even if it is a new shopping store, remind yourself daily that you love yourself and that you are a stronger person for every hardship you faced. Be proud of yourself for coming through it all and are able to face life with hope and excitement for all the possibilities that await you. You are not ever lost, you just need to become more aware of yourself and push forward to continue to create the life you know you deserve.

Answer 9

My advice would be for you to surround yourself with the people and things that were in your life prior to your husband and at a time when you were the happiest. Do keep in mind that the "old you" was also the one who became involved with an abusive man so some adjustments must be made from that person to the new version as you move forward. Good luck and Bless you and your children as you move ahead.

Answer 10

Just give yourself time sweetie. It will take you about a year to begin to feel like yourself, and please do not get into any close realationships during your recovery period. You will most likely repeat your past mastakes, and you sure don't want to do that. If you get so horney, just find someone and work it off and don't let yourself get emotionally attached. Be your own woman for a while, and then you will be your old self, just a little wiser !!
PS, it wil be hard with the kids and all , but hang in there dear!! G