I don't know what to do with my fiance -advice?

Question

We are having some ups and downs. He is depressed because he lost his job. He sleeps all day and doesn't leave the house. I try so hard to get him up and out of bed and to cheer him up but nothing is working. I am scared of what might happen if he doesnt get out of this funk. Its been going on for 4 months. He is not too happy with me because he asked that I "step it up" financially while he goes through this and told me last night that I haven't done enough $$$ wise. I had to go to school to get some training for a license so I should be making more money by the first of the year. That hurt me when he said that because I am doing everything I can to take care of him right now and several months ago he didn;t want me to have a job. How should i cheer him up? and should i feel guilty for not making more money?

Answer 1

Why doesn't he go get a job? If he is not actively trying, he should be the one feeling guilty for putting the entire financial burden on you. I would not marry this man unless he steps it up himself.

Answer 2

He needs to kick out of his depression now. Its been long enough to mope. Maybe he needs some medical help, atleast for now. Go to doctor and get him on depression meds. If he is unwilling to go. Leave him for a bit. You dont have to support him. It should only be temporary once he realizes hes lost you and now has nothing. That might make him get up and do something for himself. Sounds mean I know, but when he starts putting you down for not doing enough rather than being thankful for it, its time to put your foot down and tell him whats up. Good Luck.

Answer 3

What a freaking looser! Him, not you. He's a lazy jerk. He's learned the more "nothing" he does the more you baby him and work harder. Why would he ever want to go back to work. Poor baby lost his job. So what, happens to millions of people every day. Tell him to get a job in the next week, or move his lazy good for nothing baby crying butt out of your house. Geeze, you women let men walk all over you, and then wonder why they treat you like the weaker sex.

Answer 4

It sounds to me like he's severely depressed. Men have a tendency to get a lot more of the self-image from their work than women do.
Depression is a treatable disease, just like a hundred others. Ask him to go to his doctor and talk to him/her (meaning his doctor). Most likely, your fiance will get a prescription for some sort of antidepressants. Bear in mind that it make take a few tries to figure out which one "works" for him, and that it can take up to 6 weeks for them to become truly effective.
If you really love him, you'll want to help him get well, so he can get on with the rest of his life.

Answer 5

I think you've done as best as you can. Now it's his time (no offense) to get his head out of his *** and start being a man! I am not dissing you in anyway. A man has got to do what a man has got to do! He is awfully lucky if you decide to even stay with him after this and even consider getting married. For reals! If he is not emotionally and or financially stable now then I would think twice in even considering marriage. Marriage is hard work in it self.

Answer 6

Tell him if he is so worried about the money then he will find a job - even if it is not a lifeteme career until he does find what he is looking for - to help with the bills - but you are not his financial institution.... just like he should not be yours..... Your relationship is suppose to be a partnership - he needs to show he wants to a PART of this partnership! And by sleeping all day he is just using you and not wanting to do more!

Answer 7

He'd better shake this depression but fast! You may love this guy and want to support him and such but baby...if the burden of finances is falling to you and he refuses to either get help or look for work you'd best tell him he'd better straighten his act out or you're on the way out the door.
He'll drag you down into financial ruin like he is right now. Misery loves company you know. Let me put it this way...think you'll still love him when you're living out of your car together? That is of course if they don't repo it.

Answer 8

dont feel guilty you have taken the steps and made an honest effort to fill the income gap....he doesn't need cheering up, he needs motivation to get out and find a new job...he has the responsibility to provide an income to support the household....he is wallowing in in a victim mentality, If I lost my job I would not mope all day, I would be pounding the pavement and sending out resumes within an hour....tell him to grow up

Answer 9

I disagree with the answer above me- he doesn't need pills and medication-he's gota want to snap out of it. respect yourself and let him know not everything can be based around him. Don't let him make you feel quilty. You know what you gotta do to get yourself where you want career wise. If he isn't happy with you and not willing to wait....then why do you want to stay? Unless you're going on shopping sprees everyday I don't see the problem...And why has it been 4 months and he won't get out of bed? Tell him to start applying-the job doesn't come to you in your bed.

Answer 10

Having been through this myself, I know a person can get seriously depressed being out of work, especially for a long period of time. This time of year doesn't help, either. I know he was wrong to suggest you to step it up. Try to get him to refocus and get motivated. If he doesn't respond with much effort, you may want to reconsider that marriage.