Has anyone else had this problem?

Question

My husband watches our four month old most nights when I go to work. About the time I leave, she starts to cry. Acording to my husband, the rest of the night she is inconsolable and crying hysterically and he has tried everything to calm her down (rocking, singing, cartoons on t.v., feedings, diaper changes, etc.) But the minute I pick her up, she stops crying. My husband is taking this pretty hard and I don't want him to be discouraged. Has anyone else experienced this before and what was the problem, then outcome? All opinions welcomed, even if you are not yet a parent.

Answer 1

This is called seperation anxiety. It takes a little time and patience to condition your child to feel safe when you are gone. What worked for me was leaving my child for small amounts of time and returning. I started by just leaving the room for a few minuites and then coming back. Reassuring her that I was returning. Then, I started going out the door for a minute or less. Every day I would try different amounts of time and different processes such as leaving the room and going to another or going outside. It didnt take long for her to begin to feel safe and comfortable. She gradually began to realize that I was always coming back. It also helped when I would give her to my husband when I was around and he spent more time holding her and doing things for her as well.

Here's a great article that helped me:
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/145.html

Here are some other links for additional insight:
http://www.webmd.com/content/article/79/96216.htm
http://www.allaboutbaby.com/infants/separat.htm
http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/development/separation_anxiety.html
http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/infant/infantquicktips/separationanxiety.html

Answer 2

If I was to venture a guess the child is just still attached to her mother, when your breast feeding or bottle feeding during the day if at all possible have the husband there as well and have him talking and cooing and all that adorable **** parents do with thier babies and have the both of you doing the lovy stuff with the baby instead of just you and maybe that way the baby will become more accustomed to getting those kind of attached and comfortable feelings for you both and not just you.

Answer 3

My babe was the same way and the reason was so simple. We weren't putting her to bed early enough. Evening was the worse time for our babe. Maybe try putting her to bed earlier. Or let Dad hold her even when you're home so she doesn't associate being with him as you are gone. My husband feels like a tool b/c our babe cries when ever he did anything. But if i did it she'd be happy. Does Dad give her a bath at night? That job is given to my hubbie. She cried most times for about a month but now she loves it (she's 5 months now). Let you hubbie know that is it normal and the only solution is to spend as much time as he can her so she bonds with him. GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

Yeah it is happening to me rite now. My 2 year old son is stuck up my wifes butt all day. She works at night, so I obviously watch and care for him while she does. As soon as she walks out of the house he freaks outs a screams and crys ect... The way we are remeding this is everytime he does that, I put him in his room and close the door untill he stops. And it seems to be working, he has been getting much better about it. But I just remind myself that in a few years, when he wants to play sports and al that "guy" stuff he and I will become closer

Answer 5

You've heard the traditional remedies - things that smell like you and practice with short separations - but I'll throw out a weird suggestion.

When my son was having crying fits, it was hard to get through to him because he couldn't hear his favorite cartoons/songs over his own crying. Two words - hard rock. Dancing with him to loud rock with a solid, relatively fast bass line would distract him enough to break him out of the crying routine. This is not to say he had taste. His favorite song off one compilation CD seemed to be Billy Idol's White Wedding.

Answer 6

That is pretty bad seperation anxiety it's never happened to me but I can understand it must be horrible.
YOu should probaby give her some practise at being alone with daddy, try just being in another room while they play, then go to the shop, and gradually make the times you are away longer.
Hopefully that might help.

Answer 7

My little girl did this at about the same age - when I started leaving her in day care. She had just started to bond with me, then felt deserted I guess.
I know it sounds awful, but you just have to get on with it. She will settle eventually, it took my daughter a couple of months, but it is very, very hard on both you and your husband.
I wish you both the very best of luck!

Answer 8

tell your husband to take a shirt that you have worn that day with her, and when you leave he can lay the shirt on him and then when she starts crying hold her, she may smell your scent and calm down a little. if there is nothing physically wrong with her she is just attached to you and the only way to improve this is with time. eventually she will feel safe with him as she does with you and she will know that daddy can keep her safe and warm too. good luck

Answer 9

i am a parent of 4 children my oldest 9 then my middle son 6 then my youngest son 2 then my baby girl 5 months and my 2 yr old and my 5 months old daugther are so used to me being the one to feed then change them putting them to bed and so on its justthat we carried them for 9 months so people a little less then 9 months but there used to us and then we stay home with them in the frist of there lifes and so there used to us and thats who they want my husband thinks are kids dont love him cause of the reason try leaveing him or her with the father more offten and get him or her usedto eing with daddy more

Answer 10

At that age, and younger..my husband complained of the same. he dreaded me leaving her saying she cries so much.....she outgrew it now theyre ok together (shes 9 monhts now) ... she only cries if she sees me and hasnt for a while and i turn without picking her =)