I am married my husband 5 years ago, from the second day into our marriage he started being abusive. I slowly lost myself in that treatment. Now I am beginning my divorce, which I am so excited about. My question is what can I do to find myself again, to get back to the real me? Thanks for your help!
2006-12-14 02:46:36 · 21 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've always believed that the person that you are with brings out either the best or worse in you. Now that you are out of the abusive situation, you will return to what you were before, only stronger from the experience. Just don't let what one man did to you ruin the idea of love and marriage for the rest of them. There are some wonderful men out there.
2006-12-14 02:50:14 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, congratulations on taking the big step of getting out of this abusive relationship. You definitely deserve better treatment.
Your personality is in your DNA. That is who you are. Yes, circumstances have forced you to wear-on a different personality over the past 5 years. But, just being independent again, just being yourself, slowly you should see that personality of yours come out.
One thing for sure though. Over the years of experience - both good and bad - your personality does change a bit. Your experience shapes the way you think and act. You will tend to be a bit more cautious, a bit more suspecting even, and certainly more mature and less brash about making decisions.
That's a part of your personality maturation process. Embrace it. Trust yourself. Develop a certain level of trust among the people you really care about. Over time, you'll see you getting back to your old self. Time also plays an important role. So, give yourself some time before you make any major life changing decisions. Hope this helps :-)
2006-12-14 03:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by houstonian352000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW. my husband and I have been married for 5 year as now too. We are at the beginning of a divorce and I have changed also. I think that once we get away from all of it we will slowly find our self again. It is going to be hard and take some time. We will be OK though, We are very strong...
2006-12-14 02:56:30 · answer #3 · answered by lady bug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take some time. Slowly as you become more independent from him you will see and feel yourself relax and your old self will come back, but it will be better this time because you know and have learned from the whole experience. Hopefully the return of yourself will also include the part of the new you that knows to never ever allow another person control you that much. Good luck honey and congratulations on your strength to get out of the marriage.
2006-12-14 02:54:08 · answer #4 · answered by wartytoadjody39 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your situation but Congratulations for having the strength to move on. I read some of the other answers and I want to tell you that you are strong. Stronger than any person that would say that you cant change yourself if you let him change you. Let me tell you from experience, we dont let them do anything. Someone that would even think of saying your are not strong are weak because they have not been there and had to deal with the situation. I can tell you that you will return to being who you were by surrounding yourself with friends and family who knew who you were and you will become that person again. When I am with my family and friends, I am who I am, but with him I have to be that person that he has belittled and abused. Good luck you will be fine. God will be sure you are and remember we all have to meet our maker and that means him too.
2006-12-14 03:44:19 · answer #5 · answered by If we don’t stand up for ourselves, NO ONE will 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't blame him for your personality changing...sounds callous, but the sooner you let go of him, the sooner you can be you! You do have EVERY right to hold him responsible for abuse, however; but again, unless you let it go, you won't be able to regain your former self.
Secondly, you're older, wiser and more experienced now. You really can't go back to the old you. Try focussing on a new you. Explore some things you haven't explored before. Get involved in some social groups, find hobbies. There's a lot around you to experience - Just do it!
2006-12-14 02:55:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might seem harsh but go out and party. The best way to find yourself again is get out and be a social person. The real person really comes out with a few drinks and around a fun enviornment. Make sure your ok with this first. You will be a buzz kill if you are still hung up over this guy. And it will turn people away.
2006-12-14 02:53:10 · answer #7 · answered by Tyler C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing will be to talk to a friend or better yet a counsellor. You will need to understand what changed and why in order to get the road map for how to get back to where you came from. Another person's perspective will be very helpful as you do this, especially if that person is trained to help people who are in your position. Best of luck to you. You are still in there somewhere. Be patient and positive.
2006-12-14 02:58:46 · answer #8 · answered by PDH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make a list...write down all things you liked to do before you got married. reading, shopping, hanging out with friends, concerts, goin to the park..etc. if you can, maybe get a pet like a dog or cat...they are the best therapy to relax. play with them, go for walks..etc.
if you still have friends that you talk to...ask them to do those things with you. ask for their help in finding yourself again...if they were there before you got married and still there, they are the perfect tool to help you. hope this helps!
*edit*
don't jump into another relationship right away...i would wait at least a year or maybe tad longer. you need time to find yourself again...dating will only complicate things. wait till you make yourself happy and know what you are about before you involve a guy in it. if you do then when you are ready and find the right guy...things will go so much smoother!
2006-12-14 03:02:07 · answer #9 · answered by Get_R_Done_n_Dallas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
won't take u long to find yourself once u get out of this nightmare. he has kept u beaten down for so long, and u couldn't really be yourself, but now your free, and life will get better. not too far inside is the person u used to be, but kept hidden out of fear. just know u are a good person, and u have a purpose and people love u, just not him. get some therapy, join a group of other's just like yourself, that have had to suffer just what u did, and in helping them, u will be helping yourself.
2006-12-14 09:59:35 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋