I posted this yesterday but removed it by mistake.?

Question

Im 9 months pregnant and people are driving me nuts telling me what to do wit my baby, my mom is one of them, I appreciate so much everybody's advices but literally telling what to do is just too much, I imagine when the baby is born, she's taking a week off work to be with me, im exited I know i will need her but she has to let me make my own mistake and learn after all she wont be here everyday and i'll have to deal with this. I told her this in a very good way, I have one semester left to get my phycology degree so I know how to talk to people but she got upset and told me Im ungratfull now she only calls my husband and doesnt talk to me. But I dont regret telling her that, she does that with everything when she visits, tells me how to do things in my own house or what to use to cook and not to eat certain things or how to drive, she thinks im still a baby
She does the same thing with my sister and her two kids and always critize her parenting. My sister always told me it was bad but I didnt really know untill now. She tells her what to feed them and how to dress them. I guess she acts like that because she didnt raise us we grew up with my grandmother but I know I will freak out when she does it to me, Im very independent and dont like pople telling me what to do, but at the same time I dont want her to feel bad

Answer 1

Let her know that she raised her kids. Ask her if she thinks she raised her kids well. If she feels she did a good job then tell her "if you raised me so well, let me raise my baby. if I need your advise I know you are there to ask." You will go through alot emotional changes now and when your baby is born. You need to be able to tell people to back off when you need them to. I have my mom and my mother in law and a friend with older kid who like to tell me what to do. When to start my son on solid food and that he should sleep in my bed because that is what they did. What worked for my friend (mother or mother in law) may not work for me. The times where different and we are all different people. I talk to my mom all the time about my son and what is going on. I also talk to my mother in law. Sometimes it is nice to have there thoughts on something. But both my mom and my mother in law know I will do what I feel is right. Good luck with your new baby. And good luck with the proud new grandma.

Answer 2

i would just tell her how you feel and work out some boundries. A lot of it you just take into one ear, and let out the other. She obivously wants to be part of your lives now, but has no idea how best to do that, so she's controlling you both in your parenting instead. Iam sure she thinks she some how helping her grandkids avoid what her children grew up with.

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Ive been waiting for you to post so I could type an apology. The day you posted the movement thing about the baby, there was anotehr person with another A name who posted the EXACT question, and THAT person also asked the same thing the day before. I thought it was you, when i answered your question.

The answer still stands, but given those circumstances, and not the repeated questions I thought it was, it should have been answered in a better tone, and not so matter-of-factly.

I didnt realize it until the crazy vigilante person posted a hate question yesterday and I yahoo.searched for the particular questions and found the askers names were different.

I jsut wanted to apologize for the one time I answered a question without candy coating it and making it flowery and kind. I would have done that if I had realized you werent the one asking over and over. Since naturally wondering about a spazzing fetus is something that crosses a first time pregnant mom's mind, especially when so many doctors arent very convincing when they reassure us.

I think after nearly 5 months we can all move on now. Especially since the two of us are due here in a couple weeks and will be busy not sleeping and caring for new babies.

Answer 3

Listen to her, then ignore her and go your own way. You HAVE to make your own mistakes, it's nature's way of making you a better mother in the long run.
If she thinks you are listening, it might calm her down. Once she has left you (and that week may feel like WAY too long!) just do things your own way.
Advice is nice - in small doses. NOT when it is rammed down your throat.
I would guess she feels a bit guilty about not raising you too, so that comes out as being over-protective about her grandchildren!

Answer 4

I know exactly how you feel my boyfriends mom is exactly the same way. I could take it if it were my mom but shes not. You are going to need her help and maybe her advice is use full, but she shouldn't try to control everything. Talk to her again explain that you appreciate her advice and do want her help but that you also want to gain experience on your own like she did onceor how she could have if she would have raised you.

Answer 5

Well Audrey, hold your tongue until you can't anymore. You have the right to raise your child. She already did. Sounds a little overbearing - good luck. Since she is talking to your husband, maybe he can bridge the gap. He can be loving, but firm telling her to knock it off -- her daughter is about to have a baby. Maybe she needs to take some time off and stay away for awhile, give her some time to think. You sister might step in also. My prayers go out to you, it is going to be rough. Good Luck sweetie and God Bless on your new little bundle. Merry Christmas!!

Answer 6

I'd flat out tell her that I appreciate the concern and advice but ultimately all decisions about the baby are mine not hers. Doesn't sound like she's in a position to be giving you advice on being a mother anyways if she didn't raise you.

Answer 7

Maybe it's not the best idea to have your mom stay with you when you first get home with your new baby. Why don't you have her wait a few weeks and then come to visit. That way you will of gotten into your own routine of how you are doing things.

I would NEVER want my mom to stay with me after I came home from having a baby. It's stressful enough those first couple of weeks home. You DON'T need more stress than you will already have.

Your Mom will get over it. Just tell her that you are a Grown Adult, and you want to do things your own way!

Answer 8

I have the same thing going on but with my mother in law,but i think the best thing to do is,just stand up for yourself,your right it is your house and will be your child,yes she is the grandma but she does need to give you some space.maybe you can sit down and talk to her and figure out why she is acting this way.

Answer 9

Let her know how you feel. Maybe she should take a step back I mean after all you are having the baby not her. Let her be included but make sure she knows you have to make your own decisions.

Answer 10

i think your mom just has to come to terms that you all grown up and can make your own choices. i think it is pretty normal for a mom to do that. she might just be having problems letting you go. when she does it i would tell her that you aren't a little girl anymore. i would also tell her thanks for the advice anyways. i hope that will help you. congrats and good luck!