I love my husband, but I am not in love with him anymore, WHAT DO I DO?

Question

We have been married for over a decade have children together. We met in high school. We had a rough marraige, I did everything you could think of to stay together. I have been a good wife and mother. About 1 year ago I met a man and we became friends it has been 2 years now, friendship lead to an affair. I now have feelings for this man. I don't love him. I think I just like the sex. I now have a hard time having sex with my husband. I know I messed up. I just wish I could fall in love with my husband again. ( For the record I have been to counseling and all.. but I refuse to admit to infedelity. Anyone's advise will help.. Thanks

Answer 1

tell him and be honest its better to find out from u than someone else

Answer 2

Family value break down! Too many family's fall apart this way. Is this the message a supermom wants to send to her children? I'm truly sorry your feelings for you husband has changed... This friend that you had sex with... knows your married and had no respect to the sanctity of your marriage vows. If you divorce your current husband what makes you think he will respect his own vows. A marriage is the union of two people, both have to work at keeping alive.-- at some point every marriage will become disenchanted, that doesn't mean it can't again become the romance you once had, but you both have to work at it.

If you current husband doesn't abuse you, physically or mentally, I would count your blessings. You may think the grass is greener somewhere else. But your chances are it won't be. Also think of how your new lover will treat your children should you leave you husband. If you're the one who had the extra marital affairs, you husband may have a good chance of getting full custody of the children.

I would seriously think this through before you make any kind of decision. Before thowing you current life away.

Answer 3

You have given yourself an answer. You aren't IN love with your husband. This would make it difficult to allow him to make love to you, even harder now you have a lover. Can you imagine the hurt and pain he would feel if in another two or more years he found out you were having an affair and had being doing so for so long? You should tell him that you're unhappy, have been for a long time, and you think you should both call it a day. Who knows, you may just find that the spark is still there, it just needed a little friction to get it going. In the long run, it's best for all concerned if you did the right thing. At the moment you're sneaking around and living a lie.

Good luck to you and all around you.

Answer 4

Wow our history is so similar. First of all I don't think there is any reason to tell your husband of so many years that you don't love him anymore. That would just be unnecessarily hurtful. Never tell him about the affair! That would be just plain stupid. Before you walk out the door you have to find what is missing in your life (and I don't mean the man between your legs). We can not depend on our husbands to fulfill our life. They do not have a clue what we want although we have told them over and over (my husband is a workaholic and never remembers my birthday and our anniversary, although I did get a broom for Christmas last year, because he had wrecked mine using it outside) Get a hobby, pamper yourself, loose weight, make a life away from home with new friends (I joined a dance club) start a company of your own. Do what ever it takes to make yourself happy. If he doesn't like your new lifestyle (him not being the center of your attention when he wants it) then let him divorce you. Take exactly half of everything and share the kids 50/50. That is my advice.

Answer 5

Stop the affair, come clean with your hubby, and work on it.

You say you still love your hubby. Then stop doing what you are doing because people who love each other, don't have affairs!

Over time, the feeling of "being in love" fades, and I think you know and understand that. If you are looking for an excuse for the affair, this isn't it. And you know it.

Further, refusing to admit to what you have done is weak. Are you this weak? I hope not!!! Admit it, to yourself, to your counselor, and to your husband. Work it out and say goodbye to the man who has wrecked your life. Sex is not love. And sex cannot replace the years you have spent with your husband, and the issues you have been through together.

Do the right thing. You know in your heart what that is. You married this man for a reason, and if you still love him, do what is right.

Answer 6

Hello, To fall in love again with your husband, you must first of all LOOK AT HIM AGAIN (with new eyes if possible) because you have probably forgotten who you have next to you day after day after so many years together : this is very usual for "old couples". Make the effort to take a new glance at him and maybe you will ... discover again the wonderfull man you have close to you and whom you "don't see anymore"... To help, plz try to change your former uses and take a new breath with him by changing some simple things from your life ! Worth it trying ! Maybe you also will discover a new sex relation with him and will not need being cared by another man you admit you don't love ...
Good luck : really worth it !!!

Answer 7

You first and far most need to be honest with your husband, if he finds out you slept with someone else and it does not come from you.. that would really crush him. Track back and think how you fell out of love with your husband? Did he stop doing the little things like kissing, holding hands, making you laugh and smile? If he did you should of told him when he changed that he was not the same man you met in high school. Instead of letting lead up to an affair with this other man. Girlfriend you are going to have to make the first step and admit to wrong doing and if he forgives you then you have to work on gaining his trust again! Also you have to delete the other man out of the picture if you are serious about getting things on track with your husband.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

Well, ask yourself if it would be okay for your husband to be having "sex on the side" would that bother you? You know the obvious answer, as long as you are fooling around with the other guy your husband will not be as exciting to you! LEAVE THE DUDE! After that you need to see about some counseling for the both of you. Start dating each other and spending time together (everything you have been getting elsewhere) and remember why you fell in love with your husband and why you got married!

Or you could just tell your husband and see if he wants to have a "piece on the side" and you could just go on each of you getting your sexual fulfillment from someone else!

Answer 9

First, stop trying to *live* the soap operas you watch on TV.

"I'm married I don't love him but I love him so I cheated on him and I love the other guy no I don't but d*mn the sex is good but I think maybe... geezus! Your life is OUT OF CONTROL. And it is out of control because *you* made it that way.

Until you can admit to being an unfaithful, trust abusing betraying sleep-around wh*re, nothing will improve. Because this is every bit as much about changing your character as a person as anything else.

To do that, you need to stop thinking just about you, you, you and what you want and how you can lie and cheat to get it. You are extremely selfish and immature. I say this because this is what I tell guys who cheat and I don't think women should get off the hook any easier than men when they break their wedding vows.

Tell your husband right now that when you kiss him you have another man's come on your breath. Notice you "have a tough time" screwing your husband -- but you still screw hi, right? Well what a perfect time to tell him he's sloshing around in another man's come - right when you're doing the deed.

See it's that betrayal, that you making those kinds of decisions for him that is the damage of cheating. Not to mention how you're tearing yoru family apart. But you don't care about that, right? As long as you get some strange dick.

And *enough* of this fairy tale notion - I love him but I'm not in love with him. You either love someone or you do not. *You* wouldn't want someone to make that retarded distinction, would you? "I love you but I am not *in* love with her. Now blow me, my darling mistress."

So - own up to it, take your medicine, endure the consequences, and if you meet a guy through cheating, you will lose him the same way. Enjoy.

Answer 10

hmm well what can I say. Well first off I'm not gonna judge you as though im sure alot of people will read your question and write something smart or nasty and start judging you..thats not what you need to here. But my advise to you . Is to be honest with your husband. Give him that respect. Let him know how you feel maybe its something on his part that he needs to change to make your marriage work to make you happy and make you not want to be with this other man..And for yourself you need to do some searching and see and find the reason you feel in love and married to your husband in the first place. I will say Ive never been in this situation..so your husband may leave you or he may stay for the love he has for you and wants to work it out..but in the end honesty is best..I will you luck..

Answer 11

I dont think you loved him in the first place but more on the lines of lust. You dont say that you love someone and later on you dont. Love has been tossed around so much that the true meaning of it has been lost. I would end the relationship and the both of you move on. Maybe hell find someone who will actually be there and love him FOR REAL and youll find mr right. Staying together is just going to make matters worse and hurt him more later when you finally tell him. Have you tried talking to him? You should tell him how you feel let him tell you how he feels about the whole new guy thing "CHEATER" once a cheater always a cheater. I feel sorry for this new guy. Are you going to tell him you love him and then later on leave too. Who am i to say im only a 17 yr old but then again ....