It was a long term affair involving love letters and adventurous sex without condoms, (anal even, the OW told me) he has, at last, after many lies, admitted all of this! He seems deeply sorry and promises to make up for the hurt he has caused. I am trying to move on but find it hard as I now need to get myself tested for STD, have financial problems due to him being out of work for months and getting emails from the OW, she uses different addresses each time. I feel he has disrespected me in the worse possible way a man could do to a wife he allegedly loves so much! My confidence is at an all time low; my heart is in bits, I cry all the time and feel used and abused! Over the years, he has worked overseas and I have stayed at home to raise our children, I am beginning to think that this may not be the first time as I have had suspicions in the past but brushed them aside! Has anybody else been in this situation and can this marriage survive knowing what I know?
2006-12-14 02:33:04 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have not been exactly in the same situition but I can tell you that if you truly love him and I bet you still do, and if he's really going change, then it will work out. It might take days, months, years. Whatever he says to sooth your heart might not mean much because you are so hurt inside. I feel that only time can mend the pain if you just hang around long enough. Trust me, I know. But if you still suspect something and feels like he isn't changing then think about moving on to get out of all this drama. But do give it a chance if he's TRULY sorry. My husband did something similar to that and like you said, I just brushed it off. Then one day I finally caught him and he confessed to all the things he has been doing the past 6 years that we've been married. Again, like you, I felt disrespected, dirty, used, everything nasty a person could feel. The trust was no longer there. For me, when there's no trust, there's no love. We didn't talk for days. I wasn't sure what was going to happen to us but what happened is that we finally had a discussion about EVERYTHING. It was emotional. He told me he didn't want me to go because blah...blah...blah. All that sweet talk. I tell you, I did take a step back and realize that if he was this sorry and we're still so much in love with each other, then it's worth another chance and trust me, this will be the last chance given to him in this lifetime. Girl, like I mentioned, give it one more chance if you believe he is clean; as in not cheating on you. But also remember to love yourself and never blame yourself...ever. That's the worst you can do to yourself. Know when to leave and when to stay, k? I hope this brings comfort and guidance to you. Good luck!!!
2006-12-14 03:06:38 · answer #1 · answered by pangfvlx 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
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2016-02-13 04:22:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you torturing yourself with this person? Its time to move on and get a divorce. I think that you already know that this is not the first time that your husband has been unfaithful. I am truely sorry. I feel your pain. Go get a therapist for yourself and try to get some financial help so that you can live on your own without having to grovel to this man.
Remember, the sun will shine again one day. Just don't keep blocking the sun out by dragging out a bad relationship.
2006-12-14 04:05:41 · answer #3 · answered by Emitrav 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-04-21 10:45:51 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although I have never found myself in this situation, I think that you have to look at it like this. Will you ever be able to forget what he has done or will the mental images of him always be there. I think the fact that you know all of the sordid details of what has happened it makes things worse. He was supposed to be committed to you and he broke that committment the second he became involved with someone else. You have to start thinking about your own happiness and I think the best thing you could do for your confidence would be to leave him and start a new life for yourself. Easier said than done, I know, however, I think that it's the only way to move on from this.
2006-12-14 02:43:13 · answer #5 · answered by Princesspoison 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're marriage will never be the same again. I think you should end it now and get over the pain. The man has no respect for you otherwise he would have ensured he used protection whilst having his sordid sex with the other woman. Don't keep shedding tears over something that was killed when he did it a second time. Let him go and teach him a flippin lesson.
2006-12-14 05:47:46 · answer #6 · answered by 2dog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey....let him go......he is always going to cheat...he will say sorry but i just think he's sorry because he's been caught....file for a divorce and let the OW take care of him, he will do it to her eventually, if he works abroad then the old saying goes...there's always a women in ever port, he could be a serial adulterer, and yes...get a STD check and do not sleep with him again....once a cheater always a cheater....let him go, and you be happy without him...just make sure you get financial support from him for your children...how can you live day by day feeling like this...i feel sad for you because i have been in a pretty similar situation before...once i got divorced, my life got much better and i met a wonderful man after him, do not take this any more...file for a divorce and have it over with....don't let him hurt you any more...you deserve better
2006-12-14 04:26:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know the answer to this question already...but understandably you don't want to face it. Of course I can tell you what I think...but advice is cheap. (Shhhhhh! don't tell yahoo!!)
Maybe you know what you should do or even want to do but you are frightened of what you will lose in both physical and emotional terms.
Counselling is the best method I know of to search for your own solutions. When I have done it I have sat and heard my own voice telling things I knew...but never admitted to myself. It may be painful but maybe the sooner you start the sooner you can rebuild your life.
Best of luck to you.
2006-12-14 02:42:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself a lawyer and the kids and move on. He is a cheat. It does not matter how sorry he is. If you let him get away with it and nothing happens then next time it will just be easier for him.
Oh, and change your email address. Why torture yourself with the details of the affair?
2006-12-14 02:50:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
get your self a good divorce solicitor and get rid of this fool that is the only way to regain your self respect
By the way other will see you in a different light when you are more confident look out you may be in for a good time minus the ex husband
2006-12-14 05:22:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋