Should I leave him?

Question

We have been married for 4 years and trying to get pregnant for 3! We found out about 6 months ago that my husband has no sperm and can not get me pregnant. I do not want to adopt knowing that I can have my own, I want to experience pregnancy and have my own child! Our only other option is a sperm donor, but I don't like the idea of having some random guys sperm inserted into my egg! I've been wanting a baby for so long, I opened my own Daycare and I'm with kids everyday and it kills me to know that if I stay with my husband I may never have my own! I love my husband but I want a family! Any advice would be helpful!

Answer 1

um why would u do that to ur husband?!? have u stopped to think about wut that would do to him??

Answer 2

I believe you should seriously re-think your feelings on that subject of "a random guy's sperm". At these sperm banks, donors are very closely scrutinized and every possible precaution is taken to ensure that the men are mentally and physically sound. Thousands upon thousands of women have successfully conceived, and given birth to perfectly healthy children from donor sperm, and the odds of a child inheriting any sort of "bad" gene are not one bit greater than they are from a couple who are able to make the baby together. When you think about it, if anything the odds would be less, because a couple's genetic material and background do not even undergo the kind of vigorious screening that they do on these male donors.
You love your husband, and it certainly isn't any fault of his that he has a fertility problem. If you decide to opt for sperm donated conception, that child WILL be your own, and there is no doubt in my mind that your loving husband will accept and love that child not one bit less than if it had been his own sperm that helped to make him or her.
I think sperm donation is absolutely a win:win solution. YOU use your own eggs, you will be able to stay with the husband whom you said yourself, you love, and you will have the family that you so long for.
One more thought I'd like to add. When you said those marriage vows, you didn't say "for better, or worse - unless something comes up I don't want to deal with- " Think how you would feel if you ditch your husband, and marry some other man who can give you the children, but turns out not to be much of a husband. It's always a possibility - and I believe a much stronger possibility than you giving birth to a "damaged child" through a donated sperm. If those two things were horses, I know which one I'd put my money on to be a winner

Answer 3

does he have no sperm or a low sperm count? i think that you should stay with him. i know that you really want a child and i get that. but imagine how he will feel if you leave him because of this. what if it were you. what if you had a problem would you expect him to up and leave you without trying other things. if he has a low count there are ways of extracting the sperm and then injecting them into an egg. if you love this man than i think that it would be a mistake to leave him because he has a flaw. you can go to sperm clinic and pick sperm based on the looks and intellect of a man. you can meet the donor to if you wish too. i really really suggest exhausting all other options before you leave him. plus if you do you will have to meet someone else, court, marry and then start to try for children. it will take some time and it seems like you want a child of your own badly. just think about your decision long and hard before you make the move to leave.

Answer 4

I guess your options are limited, seeing has he has no sperm.. but if you two love each other as much as you say you do Love him, really sit down and think about a sperm donor, maybe there is someone in his family gene pool that might be able to help out as strange as that sounds, at least you then know the donor, and it is not a "random donor", but you sound like a caring person, as your husband must hurt by this also, I wish you the best with your situation. And while you may be disappointed right now with your situation, maybe you should rethink your commitment, if your are willing to leave him over this.

Answer 5

Well this must be very hard. your husband must feel horrible as well. You two need to stick together and really consider your options. I know you say you don't want to adopt, but there could be a baby out there that is meant to be with you and your husband. You would make amazing parents and you should really consider it. I know couple that have adopted and it just as amazing as having their own baby. This is not a matter you should leave your husband over. If you want to experience pregnancy than really consider a sperm donor. I would get really stay close to your husband and don't let this tear you apart because you are going to be wonderful parents together however you decide to do it.

Answer 6

I'm sorry that things worked out that way for you, but don't leave your husband over this. I know you are probably emotional right now, but a child is easier to get than a good husband. I know you don't like the idea of a sperm donor, but it might be your best option if you are certain that you don't want to adopt. Try to keep an open mind. At least you would be biologically linked to your child. Don't punish yourself or your husband for something that he has no control over. And don't completely rule out adoption, either. There are so many beautiful children out there that need parents as much as you need a child. Good luck to you and your future family.

Answer 7

Damn girl! Just because your husband cant give u kids doesnt mean leave him. That would be selfish and low of u. Why not try the sperm donor, if hes cool with it than u should be fine with it to no one has to know whats the difference if u leave him and get pregnant by another guy? Its the same!! and that way u can be pregnant and experience it. Theres nothing wrong with that. Theres thousands of options out there to get pregnant. U two need to sit and talk the options. Good luck!

Answer 8

As hard as it may be, in your scenarios, you are leaving yourself no options other that leaving your husband. I think it would be great if you could come to terms with finding a donor. Did you just marry this man for his reproductive capabilities? I doubt it, or you would have had him tested before marriage. You know, as harsh as it sounds, life doesn't always turn out as we planned, but try to keep yourself open to other possibilities. And who says the next man you'd meet would be able to help you have children? Or if you will meet someone to have a family with? Being a family is about more than shildren, it is sticking by each other when it's hard to do. Your husband is your family, not just a sperm donor.

Answer 9

If u realli truly love ur husband then it would be realli dumb to leave him just because he has no sperm. I understand that u want a family but things can't always go the way u want it to. Think about the other options. U mite not like the ideas but sumtyms it may be best. Don't destroy a good marriage over something so silly. Just take a chance. Sit down and tlk to ur husband about the diffrent options out there and think real hard about it.

Answer 10

You have only four options.
1. An unknown sperm donor.
2. Adopt a child.
3. Divorce him, and find another man who is capable of
impregnating you.
4. If you REALLY Love your Husband, 1 and 2 are your only
choices.

Answer 11

Quit being such a drama queen. You're almost acting as if your husband has done this to you on purpose. As you sit here bemoaning the fact that, because of present conditions, you can't get pregnant you never once mention how your husband feels about it. Don't you think that this bothers him too?
And I find it interesting that for each solution to the problem, you've already got an answer - NO!, laying it all back on him.
As you sit there, pining away for that dearly beloved wanted child, sighing as you watch all the other children running and playing around you, think about this - if you were really serious about having your own kids, you'd use whatever means possible to obtain them - and not put up obsticles!