2006-12-14 01:57:00 · 13 answers · asked by pink princess 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's your ex... therefore the only thing you should have to "cope" with is the part of the relationship that affects your child.
If it's to the point that it's not a safe environment for your child, you need to look into getting supervised visitation for your child. Get someone with authority involved.
If it's that he's always calling you to gripe or vent or whatnot... he's your ex.. therefore it's not your problem anymore and he should be aware of it.
2006-12-14 02:02:39 · answer #1 · answered by Suzuki_Mouse 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The first natural question that comes to mind is why would you get angry, bitter, and hostile about this? I'd imagine when the decisions were made about sharing time, you were in agreement. Unless, there's a serious violation of living up to his end of the bargain, you shouldn't be really feeling the way you feel.
Having said that, I can understand there's an emotional side to this. You naturally want the child more than you currently do, and you just don't want to share - period.
A couple of ways that might help you are:
- Try and empathize with your ex and understand he has the legal right to the child as much as you do
- Look at it from the child's angle: the child needs a father as much as he/she needs a mother. It is only in the interests of the child having both parents in their lives that you do this sharing.
- It might help to look for other avenues such as keeping yourself extra busy at work or doing a few things you always wanted to do for yourself, etc. That way, you have lesser time to worry about and feel angry, bitter, and hostile against the child's father.
2006-12-14 10:06:11 · answer #2 · answered by houstonian352000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't change a person's anger unless he's willing and able to work through it. So....raise your child the best way you can.
Do everything in your power to not come up with some answer for why your child's father is so hostile. As the child gets older, he/she may begin to lash out or suffer from this man's hostility but your child will benefit HEAPS from your stability and non-judgementality in the situation. Now is the time to take your stand and not let someone else influence what you know to be the best thing for your child. It's a shame that your ex may be sabatoging your efforts with his bitterness and saying things behind your back about you to your child but don't stoop to his level. I promise you I have heard many stories in my career of adult "survivors" of bad divorces and the parent who was the most emotionally stable always wins out in the end and the adult survivor is greatful that their stable parent had the strength and guts to stand up to the tyrades and not end up in bitter fights, nit-picking each other to death.
Kindness heaps coals upon your enemy. Keep your well-being in check with frequent small indulges like affirmative self-talk ("I'm doing the right thing. I can get through this.), hot baths with candles &/or music to drowned out the day's stress. You'll need something to revitalize you through this period. Don't be afraid to give yourself that.
2006-12-14 10:23:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have learned over the years not to take anything personally. I know that sounds easier said then done. It can be at first. It's his problem not yours! If he is treating you and your child with disrepect that's a different story. If he is negative to you just say things like, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Give the ball back to him. He is playing a toxic game with you and as long as you pick up the ball (so to speak) he will continue to throw things out to you. Just keep saying things like I"m sorry you feel that way, or that's too bad and he will slow down on his toxic crap. If he is doing this to your child then it's time to go back to court. Don't let him get away with using your child as a pawn. Ask your child, if they are old enough questions about their stay with dad. If your child has been pulled into your ex's selfish ways it's time to stand up to him which may cause more problems. That is why I say go back to court and let them figure it out. Make a new tradition for you and your child this holiday. Good luck
2006-12-14 10:07:39 · answer #4 · answered by Rosa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will assume that you are referring to your former husband. Why does he display Constant anger, bitterness and hostility? Find the reason and you may be able to reduce his anger.
Does he have visitation rights? Are you interfering with his visits?
Are you teaching you child to hate his Father? He would discover this fact through your child's actions and words when they are alone.
Do you have a replacement for you ex living with you? That could be the reason also.
Why not just ask him why he is acting the way that he does?
2006-12-14 10:06:43 · answer #5 · answered by Sentinel 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't have to cope with his crap. Keep conversations short and to the point..."our child will be ready to be picked up at 3:00"...end of conversation.
The less you communicate with him about things other than your child, the better. If the conversation turns nasty, hang up. You have the power.
2006-12-14 10:03:35 · answer #6 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think first of your child and what is best for them, not yourself. Get a life of your own, find someone different.
Visit a local church with a singles group.
Life will get better, chin up!
2006-12-14 10:25:18 · answer #7 · answered by Geri H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex is the same way and I choose to ignore him (the ex) and put all my effort into my son to make sure he doesn't grow up to be like his dad.
2006-12-14 10:24:59 · answer #8 · answered by wyattj23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
STAY POSITIVE. ITS HARD BUT SOMEONE HAS 2 . DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR CHILD, EVEN THOUGH HE WILL EVEN MAKE YOU OUT TO THE BAD GUY IN THE LONG RUN YOULL COME OUT ON TOP
2006-12-14 10:07:14 · answer #9 · answered by that girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is the child angry, bitter and hostile???
2006-12-14 09:59:15 · answer #10 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋