My wife and I have both know she is bisexual for the past 10 years. She has never acted on the desire for other female companionship to this point. We have 3 kids and are in our middle 30s now. To keep this short lets just say that the desire to explore this side of herself is becoming more of a priority for her. Point of clarity here: I am not talking about a three way or watching her. My question is do you think it is something she should explore or would that most likely lead to disaster
2006-12-14 01:53:59 · 17 answers · asked by Brian 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
That is about the toughest question I've seen here, and I've seen a lot! So much depends on the specific nature of your relationship with her. She has been open and honest and forthright, and that's good, and you seem genuine and empathetic and all, BUT yes, there might be dangers, it's hard to say. Talk with her more, that's what. Maybe you two can come up with a strategy that will be feasible, even if it does not personally include you in the experience.
2006-12-14 02:49:59 · answer #1 · answered by Cassandra Des 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really is nothing you can do if she is bisexual. As you mentioned, you've known this for the past 10 years. At some point you both must have realized that this would happen. You could try counseling but in the end it really boils down to what she chooses to do. This is her inner struggle and she needs to choose to either be faithful in your marriage or to pack it up and change her lifestyle because she can't have it both ways (assuming you don't want to "share" her). It could become a disaster for you because you love her and you have children together but it's better to have it figured out than to have a hurtful resentful marriage and cause a strain on the children. It's a difficult situation to be in, and I wish you both the best of luck.
2006-12-14 03:00:15 · answer #2 · answered by rokthunder 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My concern is that she is not happy with the marriage for some reason. If she is Bi and happily married she has no reason to roam.
This leaves 2 possibilities,
1. She is unhappy in the marriage
2. She is actually a Lesbian
Having been a gay man that got married and had children I think my view on this is correct.
My suggestion is to sit down and have a good 2 way discussion with her concerning her feelings and desires. Just as important as talking is LISTENING. You might also seek some marriage counseling to see if it helps.
2006-12-14 02:00:45 · answer #3 · answered by Tegarst 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Look at it this way, would you have any question what you would do if it were another man? You seem to accept her bisexuality when it is just a term. When you now are looking at her acting it out, you seem to have issue with it. I think you need to either totally accept it and face the consequences(such as why mom is always with the other woman) or make the decision to hang up the wedding bands.
2006-12-14 02:13:14 · answer #4 · answered by ringo 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Tough call but I'd say yes, even more so if it were a 3 way etc but even if not still yes. If you say no she may go & do it anyway at a later date & keep it from you, at least if you know about it there "should" be less of a bad outcome. You never know she may not even like it.
This advice is only for this situation, not if she want to mess with another guy, thats just wrong. Hypacritical maybe but thats just my thoughts on the matter.
2006-12-14 02:00:27 · answer #5 · answered by MrBret 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I understand her feelings as I have had them. I grew up in a strict Catholic environment and felt guilty about exploring my feelings for other others. b ut then I did, in my late 30s. Fortunately, I was divorced, single at the time. It was very exciting, at first, since it was so forbidden. However, after awhile, I began to reappreciate men. For me, though I am bisexual, I find I live better with men than other women. My sexual feelings for a woman seem to end in a short time after spending a few weeks with her. I think that there is a continuum where completely heterosexual is at one end, and completely homosexual is at the other end. Most people are not completely at one end or the other as is commonly believed but someone between , however afraid to admit any feelings for same sex.
Once I resolved my feelings about other women, it helped me to find the kind of man I really wanted. I did and am now happily married to a man for over 11 years and very faithful to him. And I am very content with my life now.
I am not necessarily recommending this for everyone but just telling you what worked for me. I did not receive anyone's guidance in how to do this. It was my own unique experience. I think we all need to venutre in our lives and discover what is right for ourselves. Being with women as a partner actually helped me to understand the role and problems of men better and so has really enriched my life.
Only the two of you and especially her can decide on how to proceed with this. I do know that many married women explore their sexuality with other women with husband's consent (and some without). Many of them return to their husbands I suppose and others d o not but I do not know the stats on it.
2006-12-14 02:09:41 · answer #6 · answered by Greanwitch 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i was married to a woman for 17 years . i knew i was bisexual but i tried to stomp down that side of me. i tried getting the "cure"
from religion. jumped from church to Church for 10 years.
the only thing i accomplished was i learned how to dance with the Pentecostals and of course i learned how and why I'm going to hell. i Finlay hated myself and resented her. do what you think is right but remember this SHE DIDN'T ask for this and she probably hates herself for not being the wife she thinks you need. if you have kids and decide to split love them they are Innocent bystanders in all of this. email me if you want.
2006-12-14 02:48:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It would definitely lead to disaster. Would it be ok if she wanted to sleep with another man? The bottom line is, cheating is cheating, regardless of the sex of the person. Eventually, you would be left out and hurt in the end. Being married is supposed to be about manogomy. I see lots of men I want, but that doesn't mean I should be with them if I am in a relationship.
2006-12-14 02:06:00 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Chick 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
the most important part of these questions is what you think too.are you prepared to stand by while she explores this, will you be waiting for her if things dont work out for her with the ladies?
i say you ask her to choose, you or women, its hardly fair to put your relationship at risk just because she wants to play with girls.
2006-12-14 02:11:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Ok - My mum decided she was bisexual, and my dad allowed her to see other women. Now they are separated. There is a lesson in this.
2006-12-14 02:13:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋