I found out yestedray I am 5 weeks pregnant. I broke up with my ex of 1 year about 7 months ago & was seeing this other guy. Last month, I slept with both of them in one week, which i know is totally disgusting. My new guy would just die if I told him I am pregnant and I'm not sure if he is the father or not. My ex is moving on with his life as well & wouldn't mind either way to be involved anyway, so I'm not even counting on including him in any decisions for now. I have 3 options: 1) Abort (even tho its kills me to even think of this option) to save everyone the scandal and hurt etc.. , 2) Be honest with both of them and tell them I want to have this baby, with or without their support (I'm guessing they both are going to be quite cross and upset with me - and they have every right to be) or 3) Tell my current guy he is the father and theres no doubt about it. I just have this enourmous sense of giult right now- all my fault, i know. I'm 27.
2006-12-13 20:59:13 · 15 answers · asked by Isabella B 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Well in general you have three options: choosing the baby or choosing your friend, choosing the truth.
There is no way lying. You wouldnt enjoy pregnancy (well, I guess there are times when you actually enjoy it, buying baby clothes etc). You wouldnt look forward happily to the day your baby gets born and you would constantly observe it whether it resembles this man or the other. In your head your baby would turn into a suspect, even though it should be loved loved loved. So chosing your baby would mean to break up with your friend now. You could contact him again after the baby is born and when you have verified that it is his child.
Chosing your boy friend would mean abortion. Simple as that. I have nothing against abortion, but it should only be used by women who were raped, work as prostitutes or most likely expect a highly handicaped child and dont feel they can cope with this fate.
But honestly, your boyfriend would hate you if he would find out and you would hate yourself for the rest of your life because you think you killed your first child.
The last option is the truth. Tell him you are pregnant but you dont know from who. But before you should decide whether you want to keep the baby or not. Tell him that you regret this step and probably will for the rest of your life, but you will love your baby more than anything. Let him chose what he wants to do.
For us men thats quite a pride issue. Honestly, I would hate you for having slept with another man and made a baby. I would want to break up with you because I would never know whether you would show up in a year and say "here is your baby, you gotta pay for it for the rest of your life!" So tell him that he is free to decide and that you will rise the child without asking for financiall support if he wants to leave. Then he is free of obligations and can decide with his heart. 85% percent chance that he will leave. You were illoyal and you force him to support, rise and take responsibility for a baby that stems from his male competitor. He must be a very strong and great man to accept that burden. Honestly, I wouldnt.
But if he would leave you, then you would live in pain for a couple of weeks.. but then there would only be one thing that is most important to you. YOUR sweet little loved baby that is more attractive and interesting than all men together.
A german
2006-12-13 21:34:06 · answer #1 · answered by Gorilla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, probably which you can pinpoint who you believe the father is. For those who keep in mind your last interval, and the way long your intervals in most cases are, you will have to be capable to slender it down do about three possible days of concepetion. If you did not have sex with them within the equal week, then you will have to certainly be competent to calculate it. Nevertheless, despite the fact that that you can determine whose baby it is, you should still come clean. Supply the organic father the possibility to come to a decision whether or not he wishes to proceed a relationship with you. Not to choose, however obviously what you did was incorrect, and when people cheat, there are consequences. Often in lucky circumstances, couples can work out there differences, learn to believe again, and make it together on the other aspect. Good luck to you, and i'm hoping for the sake of your child, you'll get all of it straightened out earlier than it's born. (if you would like support identifying whilst you conceived, let me be aware of!)
2016-08-10 01:23:15 · answer #2 · answered by rosebeckjr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whichever you feel most strongly about, you can live the lie if you choose but think about it in the long term, could you live with the lie forever, probably not so how long can you keep the secret, when is best to tell, will you and the new guy last for the forseeable future? which do you want more a baby or a man?
all these questions need answering with a definite answer before you make a desicion. i had an abortion in july and couldnt drink on my 18th because of the medication they gave me, best desicion i made in my life, but i had my boyf o support me through it.
yo i reported that git above me.
and i already have a daughter, and there is a big court battle over her, so abortion = good plan for me see.
2006-12-13 21:04:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow!! Tough call.
I think I'd go with 2 and bear the consequences, but if you're not sure you can bring up a kid alone - and it's hard work! - then 1, but I'd say you should still discuss it with both guys to see how they feel about it. You never know, one or other of them may be surprisingly supportive if you make it clear you do not expect them to be under the circumstances. I would not go with 3 as these things always seem to come out in the end with dire consequences for everyone!
Good Luck!!
2006-12-13 21:08:07 · answer #4 · answered by Skidoo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, might be you'll pinpoint who you feel the daddy is. If you bear in mind your final interval, and the way lengthy your durations by and large are, you must be ready to slim it down do approximately three feasible days of concepetion. If you did not have intercourse with them within the equal week, then you definately must most likely be ready to calculate it. However, despite the fact that you'll investigate whose youngster it's, you must nonetheless come blank. Give the organic father the possibility to come to a decision whether or not he needs to preserve a courting with you. Not to pass judgement on, however surely what you probably did was once unsuitable, and while individuals cheat, there are penalties. Sometimes in fortunate occasions, couples can paintings in the market variations, gain knowledge of to believe once more, and make it in combination at the different aspect. Good good fortune to you, and I desire for the sake of your youngster, you are going to get all of it straightened out BEFORE it's born. (if you want support determining while you conceived, permit me realize!)
2016-09-03 17:09:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
even tho you may some people upset the truth is always the best. if you lie you will have to carry this for a long time and to abort because of a scandal etc is for the wrong reasons. you made a mistake and feeling guilty but i feel honesty is the best policy besides you have another
being to think about your baby. god bless and good luck
let us know what you decide
2006-12-13 21:18:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hun, I understand that this is a very hard descision for you to make. However, depending on the state that you live in, you might not have very much more time left to make your descision.
I really would recommend doing the best thing for your life. I had to have an abortion because of medical reasons, and I have found an amazingly suportive after abortion group.
There is a prenatal DNA test avalible, but it does carry a high risk of causing a miscarriage. It might be a good helper for you to make your descision.
If you think that the best descion for you is to keep your baby and raise it by yourself, then I'd say go for it.
Honestly, you really need to know what's best for you.
good luck with your descision, and your welcome to email me if you need to talk.
2006-12-13 22:02:20 · answer #7 · answered by lemonheadaddict 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good to see you know you have been silly, I agree an abortion is not fair on your baby, plus it would haunt you for the rest of your life,never knowing what your baby might have become. I also agree that telling both of them would make them both extremely angry with you, it could cost you your relationship with your new bloke, thirdly you should definitely not tell your new bloke that he is the father without proof because it is totally unfair to him & in fact both men, one walking round being ignorant to his child the other no matter how much he loved the child raising another mans kid. Which brings us to the only real solution, you should pay the price, tell the pair of them, get dna tests, & hope your new guy is the forgiving type. I wish you & your baby the very best for the future & hope everything works out for you.
2006-12-13 21:14:02 · answer #8 · answered by Because I Said So 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you can afford it, I believe there are some kind of DNA testing to find out who the alleged father is before you say anything to anyone of them. You can safe a lot of griefs that way. If the father is your current guy, then, happy ending. If not, an abortion might not be a bad idea.
2006-12-13 21:30:53 · answer #9 · answered by angelfalls 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well to say the truth....1) abortion....that shouldnt even cross ur mind i mean u messed up not your baby why even think about killing it for ur fu*k up i mean come on be real own up to what you have done i myself was raped when i was 12 yrs old i have a 11y/o son that i would lay my life down for doesnt matter how he got here if god didnt want him here he wouldnt be that simple....2) any man can be a father it takes a heck of a good man to be a daddy you should tell both the guys and then do a blood test cause what would happen down the road something happens to ur baby and it needs like a blood transfusion or something, u try to give it to her/him but ur the wrong blood type
3) ok daddy dearest to the rescuse right.....but wait u lied and told the wrong guy he was daddy not only do u have a broken hearted old man and he most likely leave you on spot but you could very well have a dead baby on your hands it's alot to think about when u cant be faithful to the one ur with...momma always told me if ur happy at home u'll have no reason to roam... you DO NOT have to be with the father of the baby just for the baby but you should be up front and honest with both guys and do a blood test cause u might think it would be good just to lie but the truth will come out in the end it always does so do you really want to go 6,8,10 years down the road and some how the truth comes out and ur child finds out who they thought was thier daddy really isnt thanks mom.....for NOTHING......one guy at a time hon it's not worth all the heartache to go wh0ring around cause look you didnt just do it to yourself but both dudes and the BABY too.... i am only 24 and i have more sence then that
2006-12-13 21:38:08 · answer #10 · answered by J M 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋