I am in love with a semi-functioning alcoholic, he works most of the time, but he doesn't stay at jobs for more then a year or two at a time, he drinks beer constantly and admits he is an alcoholic. He doesn't really have anyone who truly cares about him but me. We have a son together, but because of his drinking, and the behavior that accompnies it infidelity, too much out in the streets, I am no longer with him. My questions are, How do I help him without being with him. (Everytime I cave and go visit him it's the same, "you don't know how much I care, I miss u so much, I can't breathe without u") He knows I am in love with him, so I personally think the things he says are cruel. But, I have unconditional love for him, and just want to help him without traumatizing my son. SUGGESTIONS?
And why doesn't he love his son enough to stop drinking?
2006-12-13 20:20:13 · 13 answers · asked by verywisefor28 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He has to do this for himself. You can't change anything, or make it better. You need to focus on your son, and let dad fall or decide to stop drinking.
2006-12-13 20:25:26 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has an addiction and this addiction owns/controls him so thats why he cant stop drinking. The most important thing here above all is that he must first admit hes got a problem and really want help to overcome it. Because with this he will never change, no matter how much you help him. His addiction is stronger than you or your love for him and therefore over rules you. Your son unfortunately is stuck in the middle of this mess and would probably admire you for trying to help his daddy and if hes old enough to understand, just explain the situation to him and tell him that you and him are going to help daddy get better. Dont hide things from him. Get your husband to admit his problem and seek help otherwise things wont change and will probably only get worse. Good luck and Merry Christmas
2006-12-13 20:33:35 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well my father is a ex alcaholic and my mother spent her whole life trying to stop his drinking and he didn't stop till she died from cancer.. My point is you can support him and try as much as you want to stop his drinking but the truth is he will only give up when he wants to. The only thing you can really do to help him is be honest with him about his problem, offer to go to alcaholic anonymous with him just for your sons sake if not the relationsships. Give him brochures on dangers of alcahol and anything else related. Get some proffesional help for you to both sit down and discuss the effect his drinking is having on other people. Its not that he doesn't love his son enough to give up it's that he is so addicted to alcahol he convinces himself he is doing nothing wrong. Anyway i hope this helps a little I feel for what you are going through, alcahol is such a terrible drug.
Good luck with everything..
Merry x-mas
2006-12-13 21:24:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really symphatize with you. The situation you found yourself is a totally helpless situation, far beyond human help. He has habit he caanot stop by his power or human power, alcohol has hel him captive and he needs a higher power to set him free. The good news is that that power is present to set him free if he is willing to accept it. And that is the power from God through His Son Jesus Christ. I don't know of your faith or religion but the hard truth is that you need Jesus in your life to able to draw your friend to Jesus. He is Lord and only Him has the power to set free. The Bible says that all power belongs to him and at the mention of His name every knee must bow and every tongue confess that He is Lord. All the powers of the heavens and the peoples of the earth belong to Him and He does with them as He pleases and it would please this loving, caring and merciful savouir to set you and your friend free. seek spiritual help from a minister of the Gospel close to your neighborhood and you would never regret it
2006-12-13 20:41:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i didnt know better i would think u were talking about my little brother lol seriously the best thing u can do for him is be his friend and try to get him to go get help. sometimes a physical dependancy is hard to beat especially if you feel you dont have anyone on your side. its not that he doesnt love his son maybes hes just ashamed of himself and doesnt want his son to see him weak and vulnerable and not the perfect role model he wants to be for him my bro has 3 kids by two women and he wasnt seein his children for a while it wasnt that he didnt love them he didnt want his kids to see him that way he was in a physically abusive relationship with another drunk believe it or not it was the mother of his children who came to rescue him from her and hes currently stayin with her and 2 of his children and the woman he was with until then was the woman he cheated on her with they had ben on bad terms up until a few mos ago hes grateful to her for being his freind and more then ever hes realizing where he was messing up hes just glad it wasnt too late before he got out of the relationship he was in because of the girl he was with he got himself into all kinds of trouble he would have never gotten into had he stayed where he was to begin with since hes moved in with his ex and kids he sees a reason to change his life not everyone would do that for thier ex and thank god for her cause now hes got a chance to make some positive changes in his life hes a really good dad to his kids when hes around which looking at his dad is an amazing thing his dad was never there for him til he was old enough to work for him and then he called his father by his name not dad encourage him to seek help be his friend but dont feed his addiction
2006-12-14 01:14:32 · answer #5 · answered by kissfan1979 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GOOD FOR YOU for leaving him!!!! STOP trying to help him, you can't!!! You are thinking of your son, which is what you should be doing!!!! Stop contact until HE decides to get it together!!! Wow!! So refreshing to hear from a girl with the brains to do the right thing in this situation!!! Your son does NOT need to be put through this nightmare....neither do you. It's up to HIM to straighten up, or lose you both.....HIS choice!!! DON'T BABY HIM!!!
2006-12-13 20:26:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that he love you and he loves your son, too.That is not the problem.He is sick.You have to convince him, somehow, to stay in a place for a while so that he can be helped.If he insists that he is fine and that he doesn't need any help, then stay away from him and protect your son from getting hurt.
When he is ready, if he ever be,he will ask for help.There is nothing more you can do.
2006-12-13 20:32:22 · answer #7 · answered by amandarosallyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
RUN! As fast you can. You think you can be martyr and save him? Sorry but he has to save himself. You cannot change anyone you can only change yourself. Both my parents were alcoholics as well as my second husband and they are all dead now. Let me tell you I tried everything, EVERYTHING!! Therapy, Al-Anon, prayer, begging, threatening, everything..it only works when they want it to. You are an enabler and co-dependent. He uses your love for him to manipulate you into staying with and doing things for him. You have to also consider the child, what's this life going to be like living with this drunk? Embarrassment, fear, uncertainy, anger, so many negative feelings come when living with a drunk. You need to to "let go and let be". I know this can be hard but love has nothing to do with his problem except the love of his drink.
2006-12-13 21:11:57 · answer #8 · answered by jesshispet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you're in this situation...
An Alcoholic needs to admit that they have a problem and that they need help. Unfortunately, they don't always listen that they need help!
It's probably best that you're no longer with him ---and that really is the best for your son...
2006-12-13 20:34:40 · answer #9 · answered by Nikki 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alcohol has nothing to do with love....when he need it he need it...now a days there are lots of medicines available to stop drinking habit without telling the alcoholic..u can use those medicines...all the best!!!!!!
2006-12-13 20:25:37 · answer #10 · answered by sureshflourish 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋