How do I handle this?

Question

I'm pregnant, and my mother-in-law, who drives me nuts, insists that she be told the second I go into labor so she can come up to the hospital. She makes me a nervous wreck, but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. Also, I want my mom to be up there( she lives just next door), but she can't stand my mother-in-law either-so much that I don't think she will come to the hospital if my mother-in-law is already there. I don't want to hurt any feelings, but I don't want to make a stressful situation for myself even worse. How would you handle this?

Answer 1

Ahhhh i'm in almost the same situation! When my sister had her baby the whole family went to the hospital when she was in labour and this annoyed her loads so i have decided that NO ONE is coming to the hospital to me until after i've had the baby. Like you i don't want to hurt anyones feelings so i have come up with a cunning plan!!
I'm allowing them to THINK they are coming over when i go into labour but i'm not ringing them when i go into labour, im going to ring them AFTER the baby is born and tell them i tried ringing but the labour was sooooo quick and painless that i hadn't time LOL Also if i can i'm going to blame the midwives and say they said i hadn't time to ring anyone HEHEHEHEHE

Answer 2

How about trying to get everyone to compromise. You dont have to keep either of them away from the hospital. Just ask your mother in law to come for just a little while maybe once your close to giving birth, or after you give birth, while your mother is with you all day before that. So that way both of them have the chance to be there. Explain to your mom and mother in law as well that there going to be around each other and the day is already going to be a stressful one for youl, so please keep the peace and get along. and if they cant then you mother in law will simply just have to wait until you are back home before visiting you. Because you do not need this stress. Its not good for you or the baby during birth.

Answer 3

I had sort of the same situation once, my mother in law said she was going to come to the hospital to make sure I did.t scream or swear. I said by all means you can come but I will not let you in the room I will make sure I tell the midwives that you will cause me too much stress and not to let her in. She didn't come
I can understand her excitement at her grandchild being born it would be the same feelings as your mother has.
Tell her you will ring her when you go to the hospital but there is no point in coming right away as the labour could take a long time and you do not feel comfortable with anyone in the room except for your mother and husband. Speak to your doctor and let the midwives know when you enter the hospital as they will not let her in as this will cause you too much stress and will only delay the labour causing you and baby more distress. Tell her you will ring once the baby is born as you and your husband want to spend a little time alone at first to bond with your baby and to recover a bit. If she can't respect that then tell her straight. It is your time not hers and she needs to realise that. Good luck and I hope everything works out. Lets us all know how it went

Answer 4

This is a time that is about you, your husband, and the baby. Trust me you will not need any more stress going on in labor and delivery than you will have already! Have who you want to have with you, and any hurt feelings will just have to be gotten over.
Tell her that you already have your support system in place, and that you appreciate her concern and her enthusiasm for the upcoming birth, but that you are a little uncomfortable with her being there for privacy' sake. Giving birth is a very personal experience. Emotionally, yes, but let's be real and admit that not all of us want our bodies exposed to the inlaws, not knowing what we will be screaming or expelling from an orafice next. No one should demand the right to be there.
If you just want to avoid the situation-call her the minute the baby is born-She will be too excited about seeing and holding the baby to be angry.

Answer 5

I wouldn't have either there. They can show after the baby is born. If you feel that you can't do that either, well trust me you really won't care who is or isn't there. All that will be on your mind is controlling your pain and GETTING THE BABY OUT! You will feel like crap and you will not care for visitors till after you sleep and recover some. So don't sweat it. Oh ya, almost forgot.... the nurses may not even let your mother-n-law in other than to say hello and that's it. They may both have to wait in the famous waiting room. Good luck and don't stress. This is the small stuff!

Answer 6

What an awful situation for such a joyous occasion in your life. I think you should tell them they can come up after the baby is born. Just make the birth an 'immediate family' occasion, you and your partner only. If they are reasonable I'm sure they will understand. Besides, your mum and mother in law have both had babies. Surely they know that the last thing you will want is people all around you. You'll be exhausted!!! You'll probably only want your partner there anyways.

Answer 7

Can't you have the baby before you call? Wait until the baby is ready to pop out. Ok, Sometimes we must do what is right even if you do not want to do it. This is a situation where if you do not allow her there, you will just be starting a build up of anger in your family's. I was there when my grandson was born. As soon as he came out, I left for a couple of hours. I went back and stayed a short time. The thing may be to allow her there but tell her that you and your husband want to be alone as soon as the baby is born. Hide your mother until the mother-in-law goes?

Answer 8

oh been there done this one and it sucks, i hated my mother in law and she showed up anyway, i told my husband i just didn't want to see her face or i would have her kicked out. this is an experience that you don't need messed up, birth is stressful enough. ask the hospital they may only allow 1 or2 people in anyway that is YOUR mom and YOUR hubby. call your mom first, and worry about mother in law later. this is your experience she has already had hers and if she can't understand that then it is your husbands responsibility to talk to his mother. If all else fails your Dr. will probably do you the favor of telling her she can't be in there due to the # of people already there, if you explain the situation to him/her. Their main concern is you and the baby not your mother in laws feelings. Don't let her push your mother away, and on the other hand tell your mom about all this tell her you want HER there no matter what. She is your mom she should be able to suck up her dislike for his mom on this day, after all her daughter is having her grandchild .

Answer 9

Sounds like my situation. It's all about you and your husband. Tell everyone nicely that they can visit after the baby is born. If you would like your mom to be there tell her. If you don't want your mother-in-law to be there tell her that it's important for just you and your husband to be there.

I feel it's an intimate thing between a husband and wife. It should be kept as that unless you feel otherwise. Stick to the truth. No one can hate a pregnant lady! Good Luck and Congratulations!

Answer 10

I think you should tell them that you want this to be private and that they can be the first to visit the baby after he/she is born. It would help a lot if you can get your husband to back you up and talk to his mom. That is how I have always felt and i let everyone know about it from the get go. This is a scary experience that is already stressful, if they can't understand that and hold it against you, then it's their problem. It's about your comfort.