My boyfriend of 3 years has extremely low confidence. His mother was abusive (cheated on his father twice, used to beat him, brought home men and did obvious inappropriate things within ears reach), his father is passive-agressive (awarded full custody of kids but chose not to take them), his younger sister was put into foster care had child at 17 (loose cannon as well), and he has no male figures in his life. He's 27 now, and I finally helped him get back to school (one credit shy of graduating high school). He has no confidence, stutters when he talks to people, has troubel making decisions on his own which often frustrates me because I'm tricked into making them for him. He has no stable friends, but is a respected music teacher and excels at that and is an excellent boyfriend (besides decision making). Should he get counselling? He can't afford anything (neither can I). What should I do to help him? Please help, he's a great guy, with no foundation in himself.
2006-12-13 18:27:58 · 8 answers · asked by rocksnobb 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You could try to hone in on the kinds of things he uses as a crutch. If he is used to you making decisions for him, you should stop doing this whenever you can so that he is forced to step up. If he prefers to stay at home, away from social settings, try to get him hanging around other couples you know, or make sure he comes with you to parties. Taking small steps toward social interaction might help him gain confidence and form friendships.
Even though he has such a difficult background and resulting personality quirks, the best way to increase his confidence may be to continue to be a great girlfriend and to just accept him exactly the way he is. It is difficult when you know he could be so much more, but your acceptance of him just as he is might be the key to his confidence. If the two of you just focus on laughs and fun times and enjoying being together, you are already getting well into perhaps the best and most stable chapter of his life.
2006-12-13 18:41:03 · answer #1 · answered by - 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend has a low confidence.. that is your problem.. I think you can help him by showing how important he is to you, show how you care for him. Teach him also how to go with some friends, go out with friends. He act like that because of his family background, that is the main reason thats why he has no self confidence. Treat him fairly, have faith in him or trust him in everything he do. Losing confidence is no longer trusting in the ability to perform thats why show him that you have trust in him in everything he do or his decision. If his decision is not good tell him in a nice way. So that he will not misinterpret.
I hope my suggestions can help you on how to have a confidence of your boyfriend.
2006-12-13 18:44:51 · answer #2 · answered by finesse 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he needs motivation instead of acceptance. Find a hobby together like working out together, or just walking I love walking with the girl that I'm dating. It's healthy and you get things off your mind. I suggest walking for a long time. Gyms are good too. You sound pretty sweet he needs some kind of push. Hope this helps.
2016-05-24 00:30:23 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should help him et a job and posibly fromt here with the money tell him that its best to go to a psycologyst andor semianrs wich discuss problems. Talk to him thats posibly the best you can do.
2006-12-13 18:31:42 · answer #4 · answered by lilbigred12 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is he bothered by his low self esteem or are you? sorry, that was a question, but i wonder. we all have a past. some good, some bad, but we all have them. maybe your boyfriends past doesn't mean so much to him as it does to you. if he is the one who is seeking help for his low self esteem, he should be the one asking the question. if his low self esteem is due to his past, in other words, his mothers behavior and his fathers passive-aggressiveness, maybe you can help him move on. if he goes through his entire life blaming his mother, his father, or you for his lack of self esteem, it's just another form of evading. if he can't get professional help, he will have to take steps to help himself. you can't do it for him.
2006-12-13 18:35:08 · answer #5 · answered by iwondersoiask 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2006-12-13 18:29:15 · answer #6 · answered by Alexander R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get him to move out of the trailer park
2006-12-13 18:30:23 · answer #7 · answered by a_bike_guy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should work with him and stick by him through his trails and tribulations.
2006-12-13 18:36:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋