people tell me this will get better with time but ever since my husband died i wish he had killed me too...?

Question

see my husband took his life in front of us ...and now theres ot a day that goes by when i wish he took me too...i feel like my heart
and soul was taken away that day...everyone says how sorry their
are but they don't feel the way i do..i have people who work with me and my daughter over this..but it all comes back to the hole he left in my heart ...i have moved on somewhat i went back to work part-time and now have male friends to talk with...i still wear his ring round my neck and still have my wedding rings on...i loved him with all that i am ...but that was not enough to save him..or me..two days before christmas we would have been married 26 years...now at night its so hard not to fall apart to wish that i too was gone...but in the morning light my 8 year daughter who looks just like her daddy comes in for a hug and kiss good morning ..makes me wonder if he still here with me in her .
i still am upset with the world for letting him die.im more upset that he let me live without him

Answer 1

trust me - this will get easier with time - do not think about how you should be with him - think about how selfish it was of him to leave you and your little girl and to do this in front of you -

My grandfather killed his wife and his self and left their bodies to be found by the children when they came home from school - now all of that generation in my family is all screwed up in the head and I think it was the MOST selfish thing he could have ever even thought about doing - Try to move on - and be there for your little girl - and for God's sake don't even think about killing yourself and leaving the little girl completely alone

Answer 2

No one can feel what you are now because we are all different but I too agree with the others you need to lift up and push through for your daughter. She NEEDS you now more than ever and you need her. You have to be who and what she looks up too now, because she will become what you teach her and if that is depression and lack of life she will accept that and learn from you. What do you want her to be? if you were gone, where would she be? alone?
We can't take the pain away for you and no one can tell you when to let go of your pain and it will take a while, every day will be different and slowly it will get better if you let it. your husband will live on in her and remind you always, but the pain does subside some. Be with friends and family often and especially around this time of year because it will be difficult but you will make it through. Keep your daughter close and don't be afraid to hug her as often as you need to.
you will go through a period of hating him for what he did and that is okay. he will always be in your heart, but after some more time it will mend. you don't have to rush it and please don't be afraid to ask for help.

Answer 3

For one thing the world did not let him die, he done it to himself. And as for as you wishing he had took you with him, you do not love your daughter? Who would take care of her. Your daughter is a reminder of her Dad, but if she see you acting like this, it can leave her with a lot of emotional problems. Be glad your still alive. when someone decides to take their own life, feel lucky that yours was spared. I understand about the hole in the heart, but you keep talking like your daughter took second place to your husband. If you continue to wear all the rings, how to you expect to move on. Take them off and put them up, give them to your daughter when she turns 18. Not that you will ever stop loving him, but how can someone else love you and you move on with your life for your daughter, if you continue to keep the crutch danging around your neck and on her hands. Your daughter should be # 1 in your life, especially now. I am sure your daughter can sense something, do it for her. You can at least pretend your happy in front of your daughter, who knows, one day you might wake up and see that at some point you got past all this, and do not even remember the day it started. Good Luck.

Answer 4

He wanted you to love him forever and you will. he is in your daughter, a piece of him for you to hold. She is the most important thing now and all of him that you have so you need to set a positive example for her. It;s great that your love was so deep for him, a wonderful thing, but there will come time when you realize you are either moving forwards, or backwards. You can never stand still for very long. Even if you have to force the smiles, havta fight everyday to live life as though you are happy and content and together, do it for her. She will become you and if you teach her to cling to the past she will and she will never have the pleasure of finding the deep love you had with your husband.

Answer 5

When someone dies and especially takes their own life, they are allowed to come and comfort those they left behind- I beleieve its part of thier repentance. ( experience)

I had many experiences after my friend killed himself... until I was made strong from a visit from him. Then never again.

Its an act of selfishness but one they do regret and the eternal aspects of it are up to the Lord. But, the one left behind its very difficult. Worse than just an accident or an illness, becuase this person CHOSE this.

It doesn't mean he didnt love you both... its about someone's spiritual state. They have to be pretty bad off in their soul to do something like that. For him to do it in front of you its pretty horrible.

You will learn to live again.....it takes time. Look for signs, they ARE there.

Hugs to you-

Answer 6

I cannot even imagine how you are feeling. I empathize and can certainly understand why you would feel the way you do, though.

I know you already know this, but you have to hang in there for your daughter. She too has suffered an unimaginable loss and she needs you now more than ever. Please seek grief counseling for both of you. I will be happy to help you find someone in your area to work with you if you will email me through this website.

Praying for you with much aloha.

Answer 7

Your story moved me to tears. Your husband is still with you, I believe that with all my heart, and so should you. There should be no wondering if he is there, he is. For both of you. Its okay to be mad at the world. Its okay to be angry as HELL. Talk with God, please... time heals all things but in the meantime, dont give up on your faith... God never gives us anything we cannot handle. No one can understand your pain but him. You are a strong woman and your daughter needs you. And you need her!! Your husband will ALWAYS be with you. As for seeing other men... dont rush yourself. Take your time... sometimes pushing yourself or letting friends push you into things will make you feel so much worse. Just take it one day at a time. Theres a reason for everything, honey, it just takes a lot of time to see what it is. I cant think of anything else to say to you, and i know nothing ive said could begin to fix your pain. But believe that you are in my prayers.

Answer 8

It is so sad to hear that. It is good for you to talk about your feelings, I hope we all can help you. For us is easy to talk, but you are living with all the thought that you have. But don't be upset with the world, he took his live. You have a daughter, you have to live for her and help her to understand. She should know, that she has you. She is still a child and needs you and your love and your believes in the life. I know, it is hard, but try to be strong for your daughter, it will helps you too.
I wish you all the best.

Answer 9

that was the worst thing he could have done to you, he must have mentally disturbed, to do that in front of you and your daughter, i think i would hate him for letting your daughter have that image in her mind for the rest of her life, what he did, was a very very selfish act and he had to realize at that time what he was doing to you both, , like he wanted both of you to live the rest of your lives in pain.... you should turn the table's around, meet new people, take your daughter and do things , move if you can, throw out anything that is his, go places, see people let your daughter know that he was sick and its not her fault , anyone that could do what he did has to be sick , get counseling and God be with you...

Answer 10

I'm so sorry. This is a terrible tragedy that you have had to endure. You have post traumatic stress syndrome, and are depressed. You need medical attention to get through this. For your sake, and your daughter's sake, see a doctor. Please. And know that your life is valuable, and you have purpose, and that somehow, someway, at some point in time you will be okay with all of it.