Is there any good way to prepare mentally for getting a divorce? My wife wants to divorce me and have 2 young children. An all I can think of quiting my job, killing myself, cutting all contact with her, running away. I don't know how I'm going be without my kids in my life everyday. I feel like I want to throw everyting down the drain, I catch myself between thinking I am right about a lot of things and she'd totally right and I'm a jerk. Bottom line is we have been together since I was 22, I am now 38 and we just don't get along, we think opposite about almost everything. Do I want to leave, no. she does. thinks life would be great without me. I need help I don't know how, what or where to turn.
2006-12-13 16:38:07 · 22 answers · asked by imon2u 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please seek a counselor. Someone specialized in this. Do you go to church? Preachers are great listeners. I will pray for you tonight.
2006-12-13 16:50:44 · answer #1 · answered by Wenz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why havent you confronted him? You definately need to talk to him about this now. I dont think you should stay because he is sneaking around behind your back. The only thing you found was that one website, he could be on other sites, or doing other things. He may even be sleeping with men. There is no telling what all he's doing. Dont have sex with him, go get checked, im sure youve had sex with him before he could be a walking STD. Get a divorce sweetie. Pray about it and get a divorce. Worry about if youre free to remarry AFTER the divorce is final. I know youre probably in shock right now. Take some time and get yourself together so you can think with a level head
2016-05-24 00:04:36 · answer #2 · answered by Amber 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The worst thing you could do is to plead with her not to leave, threaten to kill yourself, etc. The best thing you can do is to tell her you love her, if you do, and do everything you can to help her with the transistion. By doing it this way she will see you as caring very much about her and the children, plus it's so much more mature than doing any of the things you mentioned that you feel like doing. Sometimes being away can make the heart grow fonder, but it depends on how maturally you handle this. Remember, your children are in the middle of this. Think about what they are going through. Do the right, loving, mature things, not the self-centered hurtful things that you feel like doing. You must try to remember that this doesn't have to be final, but you both sound like you some a breather from each other. Maybe you can work with a counselor who can guide you. Please, don't point blame or do a self-pity, it doesn't work!
2006-12-13 16:48:39 · answer #3 · answered by Kyra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pain will be harsh and there are groups that you can find and discuss these feelings without dealing with them alone. Everyone handles this part of their life differently, and with prayer and time things can really work out for the better. Try to keep in touch with your kids, and stay in good terms with their Mom, but most of all do what it takes to make you happy. Having recently divorced a 31 yr marriage, this suggestion is from experience, which took a while to adjust to for the better. Do the things you've passed over the years because of your marriage that were of a real interest to you and may make you happy. Good Luck!
2006-12-13 16:50:30 · answer #4 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MY MAN! I'm SO SORRY! I feel for you brother!
Trust me, I know exactly what you are going through. I am only 18 months removed from my wife doing the same thing to me, and, from what you described above, our situations are very similar.
Like you, I have battled the suicidal thoughts; had a hard time keeping myself together for work; wanting to run away and hide; blaming her for everything; blaming myself for everything; and so forth.
I wish, I could tell you a good way to prepare and handle getting a divorce. Unfortunately, I just don't have a good answer for you. Many people will tell you that it just takes time. If you are anything like me, that is the last thing you want to hear! Unfortunately, it is true. Through time, I have gotten better.
My man, I could go on all night to you. Feel free to holla at me directly. I wish you the best. It's gonna be a long hard road. Do anything and everything you can to keep your head up. I know this is impossible, but don't blame everything on yourself. Try to eat and sleep. Do your best to not drink too much, etc.
Stay Up PLAYA!!!!
2006-12-13 17:10:15 · answer #5 · answered by Cing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
11 years ago i was just like you. my husband wanted a divorce and i did not. i felt the same as you did and i know there is nothing in the world that seems will be right without your kids or your wife. but just think if you kill yourself you will never get to see your kids at all. talk with family members get them to stay with you for a while, talk with a minster,seek pyhsical help, yes the internet is good, but it not the physcial help you are so going to need, it will be rough, this only the begining, you will feel angry and then pretty soon you will say wow did i really feel that way.tell you wife you would like to be in your childrens life as much as possible, maybe spilt the time up or ask her if you could come over and put them to bed. or have dinner with them. i wish you the best of luck and please reach out to someone who you can talk scream with. also what else help me is i kept a diary. write a letter to her and then burn it if you can not give it to her. get you feelings off of your chest, she is feeling some of the pain as well.
2006-12-13 17:16:26 · answer #6 · answered by chocoadoll 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW where to start....this is not something you can do right away...it takes time and you will learn how to cope with it...I am sort of in the same boat...but I already am divorced and deal with the other parent out of the home. Best thing I can tell you love those kids and dont miss a school function, play, game... be the best dad you can....as far as your wife sounds like its over and you will move on_
2006-12-13 16:46:30 · answer #7 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very painful, indeed. i'm going through the same thing as we speak. my friend , all i know is our worst and best friend is time and what has helped me is therapy. i feel up and down. days i feel good and confident and then days that i feel the same way that you just described. exactly the same..... it's been almost a month and looking back at the first week i know that as of now i don't feel as bad as i did the first week. so , i know in time and time is so slow to heal, that not only myself but, you as well will get over it....there will most likely be a scar but, it will heal. you can email me if you'd like and i can get into more detail about some things that i do to make each day easier.... i wish you luck my friend and my thoughts are sincerely with you.
2006-12-13 16:46:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brother, I was in your shoes two years ago. I had a wife of 8 years, 2 beautiful daughters, and a marriage that sucked.
I went through the same thought process you are going through now, and for quite awhile, I thought there was no bottom to the pit I fell into.
The thing that saved me was my girls. While I don't get to see them everyday, I make sure that any and all time I have to spend with them is quality time.
Focus on them and make sure they know that the divorce is not about them, rather it is about you and your wife, and that nothing will stop your love for them.
2006-12-13 16:57:33 · answer #9 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to admit that I am the one who surprised my husband by asking for a divorce after 13 years together. I know he felt alot of what you are feeling now. I tried to help him to understand my decision, and now after a few months, he is starting to see that as painful as it was, we just werent meant to be together. I can sit here and play the blame game too...but it really doesnt matter. Keep thinking ahead...find people to talk to....think about how your kids would feel if you werent around at all anymore. They are going to need you to be there to help them through this too......
Best of luck......you will find that in a little while you wake up and it is easier to get out of bed and get on with your day
2006-12-13 17:07:44 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ Ladylike ♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
50% of the guys walking around have gone through the same thing, luckily I didn't waste 16 years, only 5 but it all hurts nonetheless.
Time is the only thing that will work, you can move out of state and change jobs like I did, that helps, but time is what is needed.
You can try to get custody of your kids, but you know that the best you can do is probably 50%.
Maybe you and your wife should give it 1 last chance with counseling.
good luck.
2006-12-13 17:03:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋