I love my husband with my whole heart and we trust, love and respect one another. I have never lied or hidden anything from him. Yet, I am heartbroken over the decision whether or not to tell him that I have cancer. I know that he is there for me no matter what our obstacles are. I need him to be strong for me, and if I tell him...he will crumble. If I do not tell him, it will kill him. I know that I should not have to go through this alone because he is there for me. Right now he is away from home, but I do not want him to come home just to fuss over me. I am torn between my decisions.
A few weeks ago, My DMD took two x-rays. In both x-rays...the mass was present. She referred me to an Oral Surgeon, and he also took two x-rays. (The x-rays from my previous DMD show no mass below the roots. I had x-rays taken less than two years ago). I had a biopsy, and my DMD said that she would have my results in a few days…
I found out that I have a malignant tumor in my jawbone that is in the first stage at 1cm. I have surgery next week. The Oral Surgeon is going to remove the mass, and section out a portion of my jawbone. I might only have to go through radiation…I have always been an optimistic person…
2006-12-13 16:36:23 · 19 answers · asked by Nut 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have not told my husband yet because he is in Iraq. He receives emergency family leave so he can come home...I am not trying to be selfish by not telling him. I know that I will be o.k., I just have millions of thoughts running through my mind. I want to be strong when I tell him. It is helpful to me to get others "clear" thoughts.
2006-12-13 17:18:04 · update #1
How do you tell your cancer you have a husband seems more appropriate.
2006-12-13 16:38:39 · answer #1 · answered by Gibaudrac D 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I'm trying to figure out how you went thru all this without telling him!!!! How did you have a biopsy and not at least appear to be concerned while at home?? When I had an abnormal mammogram my husband was the first person I went to--he sat there while I had my biopsy-he didn't fuss or baby me--but I needed him there to listen to the doctor while I was in shock absorbing the word "cancer". So what are you going to do next week?? The day before surgery --- "Oh by the way-I've been going to the doctor for a few days, weeks, months??" How unfair to him!!! I too,am a strong, optimistic person--but at that time--I needed my best friend beside me!!! Don't underestimate the man--I thought my husband would crumble--he turned out to be my strength!! I know you're going thru some stuff--but honestly you're sounding very selfish to me (I wasn't going to tell my son about my breast cancer-he found out thru a friend and was very, VERY angry that I hadn't told him first--called me selfish for thinking I was all so important that I could handle it alone and that he was so weak he couldn't handle it). Even if he isn't physically there--you need to tell him!!!
2006-12-13 16:57:08 · answer #2 · answered by fallingstar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to know how on earth you'd even manage to keep something like this from him, especially if you love, trust and respect each other. You tell him what's going on with you medically, this affects him!!! That's where the "in sickness and in health" bit of the vows comes into play. I think you're seriously underestimating him as well, yes, he'll be frightened by the diagnosis, but I seriously doubt he will "crumble." He'll realize he needs to be strong for you.
BTW, my brother in law had this same thing happen, a malignancy in his jawbone. He underwent surgery and radiation, and is doing fine over a year later and is completely cancer free. This is a HIGHLY recoverable cancer, ask your doctor, but I think my bro in law said the 5 year recovery rate was something like in the high 90's percent, and the rate of recurrence was low.
Best of luck to you in your treatment, and tell your husband. Just tell him, there's no easy way to break bad news except to just do it.
2006-12-13 16:54:55 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Imagine both scenarios, you keeping this serious problem from him but he finds out later and it would hurt him more than it would now, or you tell him now and he'll give you the support you need. Since he loves you a lot, he'll know you are the one who should be protected, not him. He'll be there for you and help you get past this obstacle together rather than breaking it to him a while after and giving him the impression that he doesn't know you as well as he thinks.
2006-12-13 18:39:23 · answer #4 · answered by Heell yeaah! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow first off i truly hope that the operation is successful and the cancer doesn't spread. stage one, so it was caught pretty early right? that's always a very good sign so there is much hope. i think the best thing to do is tell your husband as soon as you can. if he is coming home soon, you could wait to do it face to face, but if not i'm sure he'd appreciate you telling him over the phone so he can be there for the surgery. cancer is sometimes very serious, and you want to spend as much time with loved ones as possible in the event the worst case scenario comes true. remember, he loves you very much and i'm sure you do as well. just think to yourself, woudl you want to know and cut the trip short or not know? i truly hope everything turns out alrite for you. get better soon...
2006-12-13 16:51:33 · answer #5 · answered by Ducky241 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friend at work had cancer and he never told his long term girlfriend / defacto that he had it. He experienced a lot of the pain of injections and things by himself.
I had a one to one talk to him a couple of months ago, and he told me that he hadn't told her. I asked 'why would you not tell the person you can tell anything to?' He couldn't answer me so I told him to tell her about it, tell her what your feeling and what you going to do. (get it removed)
So, he did tell her a couple of days after that conversation. As you would expect it's not the best type of news to tell, but it all worked out well, and it even saved their relationship. I do believe he should have told her sooner.
So, this man who you love so much, you should tell him, sit him down and let it all out. That way you're not hiding anything and you wont feel so bad either.
Having said that, good luck.
2006-12-13 16:44:31 · answer #6 · answered by revoltix 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all I hope your surgery is a success and you can defeat this cancer. Now, to your husband I think its best for you to tell your husband. I would suggest for you tell your husband in person and explain to him your situation. Be strong maybe this can help both of you get closer. God bless...
2006-12-13 17:23:01 · answer #7 · answered by ♪♫♫♪ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him... Im not really a good advice giver but dont you think he would find out sooner or later? If it isnt life threatening tell him that. Ill pray for you and all the other people with cancer..I never knew so many people had it.
2006-12-13 16:47:43 · answer #8 · answered by Purtee56 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By whatever means you can, let him know as soon as possible. Of course he would want to know, and be with you and support you in any way he can. Don't worry about "troubling" him or any of your family and friends at this time - anyone would be willing to talk with you or help you out in any way.
Hope all goes well with everything - I'll be thinking of good outcomes for you ....
2006-12-14 00:21:39 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him. It would hurt him that he couldn't be supportive, because he wasn't given the opportunity. That is not something you should go through alone. I will pray for you and your family. Have a Merry Christmas.
2006-12-13 17:35:28 · answer #10 · answered by Earth Law 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him...he need to be with you and help you thru this time
The longer you wait the more upset he will be with you for holding out on him....just tell him_
2006-12-13 16:38:24 · answer #11 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋