Is it ok to be married and gay?

Question

I am a married guy and yet i am gay she does know or suspect i like men but is it really ok to be like that cos to be honest im torn

Answer 1

Pejay, seeing some of the answers given it is clear by their comments that these people have never been married and gay. I have and was for over 20 years. I knew I was gay before I married but in those days there was little choice because peer pressure and pressure from parents forced me to feel that I must get married. Homosexuality was only just about legal but never talked about. I was therefore very alone with my feelings and sexuality.

We had one son and I decided to keep the family together even though I knew life was difficult and lived a double life for many years. When my son had finished education I left my wife and told her why. She said she was not surprised. Even better, my son accepted the fact that I was gay and we see each other a lot. He even attended my Civil Partnership earlier this year.

I don't know how old you are or whether you have children but unless you are bi you will eventually find that you can't live the lie any longer. That was the point I got to and almost had a nervous breakdown over it. Only you can decide what is best to do but if you really are trapped in a marriage you don't want then break away sooner rather than later since it is best for both parties and gives you both a chance to make a new life.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

It is not ok to be like that..One thing you did wrong is you married her. Cause you are gay and you not love her as real love. YOu just usin her so you can hide your sexuality. You just want other people to know that you are straight not gay. That is not who you are. You have to accept the fact that you are gay and you can't marry to a woman. Cause you won't feel love or very attract to her like you do to man. someday you might find the guy you love and you will hurt her in the end.. so why wont you decide it now and let her go her own way and you be better off too.

Answer 3

Pejay, does your wife really know? If she doesn't know then you need to be honest with her and tell her. I belong to PFLAG-Parents Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. And yes, we do have members that are gay and married to straight women. "Finding out that a spouse is GLB or T is a tremendous challenge. This special PFLAG affiliate offers resources, support, and information for families going through this experience." I am sending you a website you can check out that will help. But you need to be honest with yourself, and with your spouse. Here is the website:
http://www.straightspouse.org/
Also I am sending you PFLAG's website also:
http://www.pflag.org/Get_Support.coming_out.0.html
Now you don't have to feel so torn about the situation. Your not alone.

Answer 4

What would you wife say? Think about it!
You are married because you feel the need to fit in and hide your sexuality, but you have needs and these cannot be fulfilled by your wife. Therefore, your marriage is doomed and will not make either of you fully content with each other.
You are gay and cannot give your wife the needs she can get from a straight husband and visa versa.
Each day you live a lie. Remember you have one life, dont mess that up for you and your wife.

Answer 5

I feel so sorry for you... also your wife. It is difficult to be a wife knowing/thinking your husband could be/is gay. It can't be easy for you but when I think of your age I don't understand why you found it difficult to 'come out'. You should try speaking to your wife, hopefully she's an understanding person and loves you enough to allow you to live your way without all the emotional stress and upset that some partners can give.

Of course you love her and wouldn't want to hurt her but you must also think of yourself. The way you're living isn't fair to either of you.

I honestly wish you all the best and hope you can somehow find a way to live a life acceptable to yourself and your wife.

Answer 6

This happened to a friend of mine. He was married and then realized he was gay.

I don't know what your story is but you do need to be honest with your wife. It won't be easy but you owe it to her and to yourself. Whether you stay together or not is something the both of you need to discuss but get eveything out there, be truthful and then really talk about where both of you are in life.

I wish you the best

Answer 7

It doesn't really make any sense to me. If you're a man and you're gay why would you be married to a woman? Life is short. Find someone you can be truly happy with and let her do the same. You may love her but you're probably not "in love" with her. Just be honest with yourself and with her.

Answer 8

Well my advice to you would be this...

If you know 100% that you're gay don't stay in the relationship. If/when this all comes out your wife will feel very hurt and also feel she's wasted all the years you've been together. Best to let her go now so that you can both find happyness elsewhere.

Answer 9

If you are gay then do yourself a favor and be gay. You and your wife will be better off in the end. You can still stay friends with your wife. Don't stay married to her because of societal pressures. Be free to be who you are. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are hurting yourself and your wife by not living your own personal truth.

Answer 10

no it is not ok, your not being fair to your wife or yourself, or any children you may have,

are you married because you was hoping your feelings for men would go, its not going to happen you are gay you cannot turn it on and off like a light switch,

the fairest thing to do would be to tell your wife and stop living a lie, give er a chance to find someone who can love her the way she loves you,