Baby Shower in a Bar!!??!!- Thrown By My Lovely Mother-In-Law?

Question

So besides the fact that I will be exposed to secondhand smoke galore and I also am aware that ventalation systems do not remove the toxins and poisons in the smoke ---only the visable smoke...
My mother-in-law had the nerve to call me ungreatful...
She also has invited 50+ friends (of hers) so I can get more gifts...was the exact wording she used!!!
Now I told her over two months ago that If she was planning a shower to please not throw it in a Bar but she is this weekend.

Now I want to see if maybe I'm the only one who thinks this is crazy.....
What exactly should I do???
I tried suggesting the bar to be a meeting place then go to a more suitable place for a pregnant women....I even offered to Pay for a hall and food...But was called an ungreatful B**ch.
I need suggestions please!!!!

Answer 1

WHAT!?

Seriously. This sounds like my own mother-in-law. She had the gall to send out engagement announcements for me. Without asking. And she told everyone that it would be a huge wedding in her church, even though she knew that was NOT what I wanted.

If she's disregarding your wishes and calling you an ungrateful b*tch, it's time to put your foot down!

I spent two hours calling everyone she'd sent announcements to, telling them that would NOT be happening and she hadn't consulted me first. Yeah, she was mad. So what? You can't let someone else run your life!

Get your husband to back you up on this. He knows that's a retarded idea, right? Ask him to talk to her about changing it. You already have. If she still refuses, well, you'll have to do something like I did.

It's rude to the guests to just not show up, and it's not their fault. Call as many as you can (since you don't even KNOW some of these people!?) to tell them you're sorry, but your m-i-l is crazy if she thinks you're sitting in a bar breathing in smoke for hours on end. And ask if they'd like to gather at your house, at the appointed time, instead.

Recruit a sister or neighbor to play hostess at your house (since hosting your own is considered bad form) and stick to your guns. If she's trying to do this to your child BEFORE IT'S BORN, what is she going to pull AFTER? That is ridiculous! If she's going to be such a b*tch herself, call her on it and explain the situation to everyone. She doesn't deserve politeness anymore.

Or have it at the hall like you said. Whatever you want. It's YOUR baby shower. You're not traditionally supposed to choose the setting on your own, because someone else is supposed to plan it ... but a BAR is the STUPIDEST idea I have EVER heard for a shower. Do it yourself now. These people are already invited. Let each one choose whether to go drink in a bar or show up to the actual shower.

And let your m-i-l choose, too. She's NUTS.

You have my permission to be as rude as necessary!

Answer 2

I think your mother-in-law is acting very rude. Even though she is throwing the shower, she does not have the right to have your party in a location that can harm you or the baby or any place that would make you feel uncomfortable. My suggestion would be to just show up and thank everyone for coming and say that you do not want to be around all the smoke and you will have to leave and then have your own baby shower with your friends and family members some other time. I totally understand where you are coming from. I have one of those monster in laws myself.

Answer 3

How terrible of her! I would simply refuse to go, OR you could put a NON-SMOKING sign on the door. I am assuming that she has the placed reserved for invites only, so this way you can ensure the safety of your baby. If anyone lights up, ask them to leave. This is your baby, and you have every right to do as you please. If she is not concerned for your babies health then she probably isn't the best person to have in your life anyhow. I refused to go anywhere that smoking was allowed during the time I was pregnant, and if someone tried to light up I would bit*h their as*es out.
BTW, you should definitly get your husband to talk to her about this, she may be more likely to listen to him. Your husband should back you up the entire way, you two need to be a united front on this one.

LOL, here's a story for you. My sister in law, 6 months pregnant, allowed smoking at her wedding reception! Not only was she pregnant but her maid of honor, my other sister in law, was 8 months pregnant! At the time my son was 7 months old and I had just found out that I was pregnant again. First thing I did when I stepped into that wedding reception as soon as I realized their was smoking was to tell my mother in law what was going on and why were they allowing smoking around pregnant women and young children? I then told my husband WE WERE LEAVING, turned around and left. The next day everyone called apologizing and using the excuse that they didn't realize there was smoking. Yeah right people, the place was like a bar. Just walking in you could see the cloud hanging over the crowd of people. Do what I did and stand up for you and your babies rights. In the end, everyone will respect you for that.

Sorry this is so long, but I keep thinking of things to tell you. If all else fails and you want to stay in her good graces, fake sick. No one can blame you for being sick, and they can have their fun and bring the gifts to you.

Answer 4

Don't go.Only an idiot would book a baby shower at a bar. Her and her friends are probably going to get drunk and foreget all about you anyways. Talk to you man about this, maybe there is another person that can throw you a shower. Please stand the common sense ground and do not go. Why risk your and the baby's health, just tell your mother in law that she is the ungrateful one for not thinking about the health risk involve, and NEVER let your child be around her unsupervised she is not a good grandmother

Answer 5

Well I smoke, am struggling with quitting, and my granddaghter has never seen me smoke let alone have anything to do with a bar.

On a lighter note, you are exposed to toxins everywhere unfortunately we all are and so will your child. I just don't understand the bar scene being modeled to you from a parent's perspective. I do have one question. Is is bar or a restaurant with a bar in it? We have many of them around here and like those establishments that do not serve alcoholic beverages they too usually have large separated areas that acommodate large parties or meetings.

Answer 6

I would be upset too if I was you. She sounds like a hateful woman. I think your husband should say something to his mother and then perhaps the two of you should choose not to have a shower thrown by her. She has control issues and that is exactly why she is throwing it at a bar DESPITE your wishes.

Answer 7

Ha ha, mine tried to invite all her friends to our wedding so we could get more presents (we were paying for there meals mind you!) and always tries to get me to go to the club with her to play the pokies even though its like a permanant haze of smoke. My thing was to say to her, I am sorry I cant, the smoke is as bad for the baby as if i were still smoking and with inviting all her friends, just tellh er you appreciate the eeffort she has gone to, but you would feel a bit uncomfortable around all those people you dont know. Hope it helps

Answer 8

Well i agree with you, a bar is not a suitable place for a pregnant woman to be at.
I never showed up to my baby shower, not because i didnt want to, or cause the place was not suitable. it just happened that, that same day i had my child.
Your mother-in-law obviously does not see this through your persective.
I wouldn't go, if i was in your position, because it was already explained to her that you did not want it that way, and its not cause your being ungrateful, simply because your watching the health of you and your baby.
Or if you want to go, go for a little while, and think of an excuse to get out there.
whatever you end up doing. good luck.

Answer 9

I might not be the best gender to answer this being that I am male but I would say this is a time to talk to your husband and tell him that he needs to stand up for your opinion.. A baby shower in a bar... That is just stupid. And her calling you ungrateful.. Well i would guess that you two don't have the best relationship..

Answer 10

if shes not concerned abut the health of the unvorn baby now how do you think she will be when you have the baby? she should feel considerate if you even show up. and if i were in your shoes i wouldn't even bother to show. try having a friend or relative of yours to throw one. tell her you may be an ungrateful ***** but she is a unconsiderate grandmother. she is jeapordizing you and her grand-childs health. your husband should be the one to step up to the plate and tell his mom to move the location if anything. its his child as well!

or better yet. just to show spite. stand outside. do not even bother stepping in the bar. let them know she picked the spot but to show that you are grateful you made an appearance but for health reasons you're staying outside. hopefuly its not too cold where you live.