Married?????

Question

How can u love and not like a person at the same time? Why does he love the TV so much? Why won't he listen to me, even after asking me to repeat what I said? Whats the deal with you men! What is just the perfect woman? I do everything for my husband. The ONLY thing I ever ask him to do is take out the trash (which is 10 feet away from the front door). Seriously, I wait on him hand and foot day in and day out-he never says thank you or does nice things anymore. He used to help me do chores and grocery shop, etc.-but now all he does is be laaaaazy-ugghhh!! Got any advice on helping me to cope with his laziness and bad attitude?

Answer 1

Put the trash on his side of the bed.

Answer 2

Stop doing things for him. Also, have some things you will do and some things HE will. You are his wife and friend, not maid or mom. Stop acting like his mom. You are acting like it by complaining to him and you just doing the work because it will never get done if you don't do it. Being married, I know that women and men are COMPLETELY different creatures. Women show their thoughtfulness by doing things for their men even though they never ask. Men show their love by doing the things their women ASK them to do. It may not be ideal, but that is the way it is and you are not going to change him. However, you can work around things by...

1. Stop complaining about the things he doesn't do and then you do the job. Tell him you need something done. If it doesn't get done, then it doesn't get done. You shouldn't have to beg.

2. STOP WAITING ON HIM HAND AND FOOT! You are not his mother. I think you feel that you will gain his approval. You guys are friends if nothing else. I would not wait on my buddy hand and foot, would you?

3. He never says of does nice things anymore because you being nice to him is EXPECTED and HABITUAL. Sweet and nice is like candy. Once in a while is great, but all of the time is not good for you.

I hope this helps you. Good luck with your man and take care.... If all else fails, throw a brick at him. That will get his A-S-S moving!

Answer 3

First thing....I'm a wife, and this is my perspective.

We choose who we love, and while we love them, we may not always like them, and that's ok.

Secondly, what's going on between the two of you that makes him not want to help out around the house? What has changed from now and before?

One thing we women forget is that men don't really care about waiting on them hand and foot, it's the attitude while we're doing it that counts. My husband often reminds me that it's not what I am asking him to do, it's the way I am asking him to do it.

Men are simple creatures. They want to be fed, loved and have some occasional nookie. But, if we (as wives) are crappy, then the rest really doesn't matter.

I just wrote a book on this subject and went on Dr. Phil about it and I'm happy to share more with you, if you want to email me.

www.sanemommy.com
[e-mail]

Answer 4

you need to talk and remember that A good marriage is an intimate and loving relationship which gives both partners security, friendship, companionship, support, comfort, and deep love that penetrates every aspect of life. None of this can be achieved without work and sacrifice.

Marriage may be compared to a plant that requires daily nurture, daily attention, daily care and cultivation. It will not develop of its own accord; only as effort and will are exerted will it grow and mature. For a marriage to succeed, both husband and wife must be committed to its success. They must build an enduring love relationship that is centered in the heart of their consciousness. Their relationship must be nurtured with the water of loyalty and love.

Answer 5

Sometimes the problem is not on what you say but on how you say it. Did you say it with a word such as please , can you do me favor, can you lend me a helping hand, or lend me your ears?
Wouldn't it be nice if you can make a request instead of giving commands and making him take orders from you by saying "do this and do that". Perhaps your husband needs to be motivated by kind and nice words, don't you think so? lol

Answer 6

Sounds as though you may have spoiled him a bit to much. You need to talk to him and tell him you want the attention as well as some pampering. He is taking you for granted and probably has no clue he is. You need to stick up for yourself and tell him what you want. If he continues I suggest you tell him hey it is either you t.v addiction or me and really mean it. Nothing is worse then being lonely when you are married. Good luck.

Answer 7

You need a holiday. Go and visit some relative for a week or two. If you are not there to do it maybe he will. With my husband if I am there to do it and refuse then it doesn't get done. My husband is happy to live in a pig sty, unfortunately I am not.

Answer 8

Well, if he doesn't cherish you the way you deserve you have two choices honestly, I am married and I know that it is hard. You can:

1) Accept that he chooses to be this way
*OR*
2) Move on

You can NOT now or EVER change someone EVER!

If they change it's because they WANT to, not because their wife wants them to. Good luck and I hope he picks up his slack but I doubt he will.

Answer 9

I have the same problem. Taking the adice that is given is easier said than done! If you ever find something that works, email me [e-mail]! Good luck until then!!!!!!

Answer 10

sounds like you made him lazy by doing everything for him. he used to help out then he just got used to you doing it. let him do for his self and see how he likes that for a while who knows maybe it will change things when you are not doing it all