Help, I am at the end of my tether?

Question

My husband told me he has stopped his womanising ways.I have just been through his moblie and found that he has another girlfriend.It is 4a.m and he came home from work 3hrs ago work finished at 9.30 p.m.He came home drunk should I give him a rude awakening or leave it for later battletime?Should I call this other woman she lives not to far from his job?Why can't he just stop his cheating.
Iam 7mths pregnant and just sick and tired of his stinking ways

My family live on the other side of he world.My few friends are not able to help me out because they've got no room.

What about the fact I went through his mobile to find out?

Answer 1

If your seven months pregnant, then he is disrspecting you big time!

Do whatever you have to do. Phone this woman and find out the truth...... she might not know about you an be horrified to find out the truth.

If he is drunk and just come home.... i would leave it untill he has sobered up. You wont get any sense out of him now.

You cant stop him cheating, tho..... he just sounds like pond scum.

Answer 2

30 years ago a fellow could cheat on his wife and with a little luck not catch anything like a sexual transmitted disease and appart from some heart break that was it. These days there is AIDS and HIV and it is a very serious sexually transmitted disease as it can cut your life short. Millions of people all around the world cant be wrong and there have been millions of deaths from it. Any man or woman who plays around (and condoms are not a 100% effective) is taking a risk not only with their life but with their partners and that is that!!! The fact that you were looking in his mobile phone is imaterial and less deceitful or dangerous as his womanising and that is a fact. Yes you should feel angry tis fellow is not only cheating on you but if he has sex with you he places you at risk and your unborn child. The fact is some men cannot stop cheating its like a disease. Can you go and visit you family. Can you leave him and go somewhere else? Can you kick him out? Could you go and talk to a counsellor about your options?? Maybe you need to look at a goal plan in a few months after the baby is born?? In answer to your question about the other woman dont bother ringing her its not her issue and whatever you do dont have a fight with a drunken man especially when you are pregnant and anyone advising you of doing this is an idiot. Let him sleep it off and you go have a sleep and think about your baby and look forward to that because birth is a very special time. Maybe you could show a stance and go sleep in another room, until you can talk with friends and family and work things out. I hope things work out for you. I also had a problem like this and I had a two year old and a baby on the way and I took a stance and eventually left. There are options for women in these type of situations and even though they are scary any action will help but just wait til after the baby is born if you can then you can think clearer Take care.

Answer 3

The fact that you went through your husbands mobile was because you don't trust him. Any relationship without trust is honestly not one to be in. I would confront your husband ... and tell him you no longer want him around! You no longer care what he does, as he obviously doesn't care about you! Stress like this is not good for you, especially since you are pregnant, and if this is how he is carrying on now, when you are experiencing such a joyful occassion, I can only imagine how he is going to be once the baby is born. Theoretically you are on your own anyway, and having a new baby can be extremely emotional and time consuming. He will have a financial duty towards you and the baby and I would honestly suggest you seek legal advice, as to alimony and maintenance. Move on ... he is not going to change his womanising ways. Call his bluff ... tell him you want him to move out!! Its not fair on you, and it's about time he grew up! The grass is not always greener on the other side. I wish you all the happiness with your new bundle and sincerely hope you shock this male into some form of respect!

Answer 4

If he is drunk its not the right time go over anything. Odds are he is only going to get mad and he's not in a place to be listening anyway. Wait until later when he is sober to talk to him.

As far as the other woman.. you can call her if you want to, but I dont know if it will do you much good. I at one point I was the other woman and didnt know it. If you want to call and inform her that he is married then that might be a good reason to call. Once I found out I was PISSED and stopped the relationship, so she may not know. If you call be very polite.. treat her as a victim not the a person backstabbing.. if she doesnt know.. she might not believe you anyway.

If she doesn know and you know she does.. there really isnt any point or good that a phone call made to her will bring you. Your beef is with your husband not her. He is a big boy and he is the one choosing to betray you.

My advice to you is if this is his pattern you need to stick up for yourself NOW and leave him. Its only going to get harder the longer you wait and when the baby comes you need to be ready to focus on it. Not your husband who is acting so irresponsibly. You AND your baby deserve to be in a house where you are respected and love resides. He doesnt love or respect you if he is cheating on you. Especially after you have already addressed the situation.

My advice to you is to talk to friends or family that can support you through your hours of need. Sit down and plan out how you can make a life without your husband. If he truly repents and can fix his cheating ways.. you can always get back together in the future. However your duty is to be good to yourself first.. and let your husband deal with his own crap.

Children are NOT a good enough excuse to stay together. I am trying to explan this to my best friend right now. Kids are amazing.. and they are adaptible... DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU!

*HUGS*

Answer 5

Firstly, you shouldn't have to live like this. How dare he do this to you. I think you need to see a solicitor as soon as possible to find out if you can legally put him out of the house and what rights you have. You will get help, especially as you're pregnant. Explain your situation to your local council too, to see if they can find you a house - you will be a priority case. It's a big step and a big move, but if you don't do it, things won't get any better and life is too short. Just give up on him and leave him to it - but make sure you leave him, either by throwing him out or getting out yourself. What a stupid man. I suffered a similar situation for 6 years and i finally took the huge step of leaving. I can honestly say it's the best thing i ever did. Wasn't easy and took time, although within 3 months i've turned my life around, rented a new flat 200 miles away from him, got a new job and got my life back. Please don't just suffer this situation. Good luck and i really do wish you well xx

Answer 6

I just bet you are at the end of your tether. Why have you stayed so long? Some definitions, hon. Like, what is marriage? I think it is Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust, with a whole lot of lovies, support,doing nice things for each other, and if you choose, to provide a loving enviornment for children, enjoy time with friends, silliness, shared laughter, and even a glass of wine in front of a fire, just holding each other. From what you have written here, you have none of the four items for him, and he sure as heck has none of those for you. So, you really don't have a marriage, but you are pregnant.... and that is too bad, for all of you. Is he an alcoholic as well? He certainly isn't husband or father material at this point in his life. If he is an alcoholic too, then he already has a relationship, it just isn't with you.... addicts just aren't available, hon.

I only see one question in here---should you call the woman? No. Don't bother. Don't lower yourself... I'd certainly challenge him as to where he was, and who he was with, and ask him why is he still here. If I could, In your place, I'd clean out all the money I could find, or charge a plane ticket and go live with a friend, or back with my family. Betrayal is the real only deal-buster in a marriage, and you have indicated that he has had repeated girlfriends. He therefore has no respect for you or your marriage, so tho you and he are still living together, you don't have a husband, hon, you have a roommate. You wouldn't be out of line to announce to him that until you can leave, you are sleeping on the sofa, or in another room. If I couldn't get away, I'd just stoptalking to him, no arguement, no nothing, until I could leave. He'll undoubtedly ask you why, and just ask him, "Is our marriage crowded ---- again?" listen to him choke on that one, but don't divulge anything. Let him know you don't believe his stories, and you wish not to go on like this, and it is over, then get out as soon as you can. Cheaters never change --- they might stop for awhile, but you are in for one miserable life if you stay married to this guy....

Answer 7

Justeve

The ongoing saga of your marital problems ought to be a warning about just how bad married life can be.

There isn't a simple answer to what's going on in your life!.

In recent weeks you have told us about your unhappy marriage and have asked for guidance on what to do about your philandering husband,
I cant remember all the details now and to be honest I cant remember the answers either!, but at a guess you will have been advised to talk to your husband and to sort it out that way, . If you have taken this advice and you are still unhappy and he is still messing you about then! you have to consider an alternative approach and ask yourself again! if all this stress / anguish / worry / unhappiness ..worth continuing with your marriage. love isn't endless and does die and the hardest part about loving someone is accepting that it has died and its time to move on.

In the end you and you alone have to make your own mind up about what you want to do and what you are prepared to put up with in your marriage. Your husband is obviously un happy with married / home / life which is why he is drinking and philandering. You are unhappy which must make home life a real drag for you and the kids .

In the end eve you only have 2 choices forgive him and forget his philandering ways, or leave and start over..

Answer 8

Sounds like you husband will never change his ways and tells lies to keep you happy.
You need to make a decision - either accept his "ways" or take a stand and put up with it no more. If he wants to see other girls, let him do it being a single man.
You are 7 months pregant and should not be stressing over this or going into "battletime". Although your child may not be born, it still has a connection to you and your feelings will be passed to it.

Answer 9

You know you deserve better than somebody who is cheating on you all the time. I would confront him when he's sober, though. Arguing with a drunk person is like talking to a wall. You don't need this stress being pregnant. Confronting her may not be a bad idea either. Don't get mad at her, though. Your husband has probably lied his way into her pants so she probably don't even know you exist. Talk to her and let her know you know what's up.

Answer 10

You need to kick his butt out! You and your baby deserve better. What if he brings a disease home to you? He will never change. Get out now, before your child is raised in this. Do you really want your son to grow up like that...or your daughter to think it is alright for a man to treat a woman this way? Seriously, you need to end this! Be strong and I will say a little prayer for you tonight!