Why do black men abandon their children and women at such high rates?

Question

I met my boyfriend as a teen. We traveled together, went to concerts and plays & museums. He always said he couldn't see us apart. But, after 3 yrs, when I became pregnant, he tried to make me have an abortion. I didn't, & he began treating me cruely.

We are long-distance, now, bcI am in graduate school. When we are apart, he is verbally abusive. When we are together, he eases into acting like he enjoys being with me & our baby. But, as soon as we leave, he is back to treating me cruely &/or acting ambivalent toward us.

I think it is bc he is unemployed & can't provide for us. He also says he resents me for having the baby and getting pregnant because he never wanted to have children. But, the baby is here, now. We can't go back, so why won't he accept his responsibility?

We are both college-educated and from 2-parent homes. He lacks that thug mentality, and we were always faithful. We don't fit any of the broken black home stereotypes. So, how did this happen?

I know that not all black men abandon their children. I said both my boyfriend and I are from two parent homes. So, clearly, I know that. But it is obvious that more black men abandon their families than men of other races. Nearly 70% of black children are born to single parent homes. It isn't a coincidince. I am trying to figure out why, and "It's not just black men!" isn't the answer to that question.

Answer 1

As a single mother of 2 white children (by 2 different men), I can tell you that its not just black men. It doesn't matter the education level or if both sets of parents are still together. My ex-husband and I were together for 9 years. He didn't want my son when I got pregnant with him either (he had a son from a previous relationship and had always told me that he didn't want anymore children. Sorry bout his luck, I didn't get pregnant on my own!) Both sets of our parents are still together. In the end, we got divorced and he signed over all rights to our son(actually BOTH of his sons) He got remarried about a year after our divorce and, get this, their daughter was born a day after my new daughter, and we were all in the hospital together. One room apart for the entire weekend! Now his "new family" is all that he says he wants. You can't make any man accept responsibility unless he wants to. If he doesn't stop treating you badly, you may need to step back and reevaluate the relationship. You didn't mention the sex of your baby, but do you want the child to grow up thinking this kind of behavior is alright and normal? If the child is a girl, she'll think that this is how a man should treat her. If the child is a boy, he'll think its ok to treat women like this.
Hope this helps.

Answer 2

I do not know the reason but your facts are correct. So knowing this why would a women have a relationship with a black male.

In any other "product" you would consider reliability data as a very important factor prior to purchase.

If you apply the same logic here you are racest.

Is it racest to say the yugo was an unreliable POS car even though the data supports this? Of course not, but if you use factual data to make general statements that are supported by the statistics you are racest.

Crazy wjen we cant tell the truth. How can we solve something we can not admit to?

Answer 3

JB, I ave thought too about that, and I think that it is a spiritual thing, you know when it flows through the third and fourth generations...most black guys have beautiful ladies and I mean beautiful ladies, but they cant keep them they abuse them they insult them they just don't show love to them...I am black but migrated so I may pass for that.

BUT, having said that I also think that the African American woman got empowered and it becomes too hard for her to let the man ran the show the way it should and in the process them an feels threatened and resorts to abuses and being rude and all that crap.

The man went to war and left the women to take care of the home, but when the man came back the woman would not let him lead, then he found that the master had pregnant ed the wife..I mean it is bad..

The good news is that none of needs to stay under that dark shadow...we chose to stay there because we want something to blame on our failures..but each of us black folks can have happy marriages if we chose to and purpose to. I hope this makes sense...

Answer 4

I don't think it's a case of black or white here. Any man who abandons his family and responsibilities is a coward in my mind. I am black and I know many black men who take care of their families. Maybe there are some other issues going on that need to be addressed, but again, it has nothing to do with a black man or a white man in particular. That's my opinion.

Answer 5

Well, you found out the hard way that when a man says he don't want a child, he means just that. In your case, it don't seem like it was the single parent issue, it was the having your way issue, which your b/f resents when it comes to putting him in a situation he wasn't ready for and no consideration on his part. He may have wanted kids, just not when you wanted them, so now you are paying the cost of a harsh reality. As for most black men not being with their kids, in most cases, it the same as yours, they just weren't ready and females need to stop having babies to keep a man because it just won't happen. Babies shouldn't be used to keep a relationship going or a man in a woman's life, mainly because they are the ones who suffer over time.

Answer 6

He said he didn't want the child, but you had the child anyway (good for you), and now he feels tied down or because he is unemployed feels less of a man. I am married to a black man and he is a wonderful father and husband. Our kids think the world of him. Not all fathers are good at being fathers. You can't force you child on him if he doesn't feel it. I do feel for you situation because the child didn't ask for this. You don't need the abuse for you nor your child. Let go as hard as it may be but no one deserves to be abused.
good luck to you and stay safe and strong.

Answer 7

I live in Australia and we have very similar problem with aboriginal men. I think and I could be very wrong, but only a few generations ago the aboriginal male was the food provider while the female was the nurturer of the children. Unfortunately in Australia aboriginal men do not have to work if they choose not to as our government provides very well for them, but it is still very much the woman's job to bring up the children. Our government provide very well for aboriginal women and children so an aboriginal man does not have to provide for his children unless he wants to. It is their culture and it was the white man's culture not so many years ago. I think some men whether they are black or white want to provide for their children while other man can only think of themselves.

Answer 8

It's not a black-white issue. It's half culture, but the culture go there because of economics. It comes from men not growing up with their fathers, white or black, it doesn't matter. There was no example to follow, therefore they don't have any idea what fatherhood is. For decades we had a welfare system in place that rewarded families for splitting up, rewarding families with no man in the house, rewarding mothers for having babies out of wedlock. You reep what you sow. The most basic unit of our society, the family, has been destroyed.

Answer 9

Please ignore msthinkpositive. She appears to be a GD moron. Why would anybody have a child to keep a jobless man? You just want this man to step up to his responsibilities and that is fine. People need to stop acting like abortion is a valid option for people capable of caring for a child. That is the reason that this country is so screwed up today. When children become disposable, the familial unit becomes disposable. The truth is, black men abandon their children at such high rates because they are frequently shunned by society, and thus, jobless. This makes them bitter and weak. My advice to you is to move on. And stop dating men based on their potential and making excuses for their shady *** behavior. Sorry is sorry, and this man proved himself to be sorry.

Answer 10

No offense but it doesn't matter what color you are some men are that way my godson is black (4yrs old) his dad is a single black male that is taking care of him and his son's 5 other siblings that aren't related to him only related to there mother but because she didn't want to be a mother and abandon them he stood up sounds like you are being another stereo type person!