Husbands ex-wife is causing me to lose my mind. help?

Question

At first I tried to be very considerate and open towards her because they have an 11 year old daughter. I wanted it to be very comfortable for all involved. However, it has become increasingly obvious that the ex wife resents that fact that he is remarried. Even though they have been divorced for 5 years and she is on her 4th marriage since their divorce. My husband and her have maintained a friendly relationship. Which at first I did not mind. Until when my husband and I broke up for about a week and I found out that she had almost moved in. While I was gone she had rearranged my house, purchased paint and was planning to repaint my bathroom, and actually slept in the same bed with my husband (their daughter between them). She was trying to get him to allow her to move into the spare room. But, When I finally got in touch with my husband and we decided to get back together (3 days later) she became very upset. She completely lost it and told him that she would not allow his daughter to come over until I was gone. She continued to call over and over and even threatened to come over. About a month past she found some new guy to marry and then she wanted to be all friendly and apologize. I'm pretty accepting so i agreed to be on friendly terms again. My problem with her now is that she seems to always be there when my husband and I are having problems. It's becoming to much for me to handle because I have lost so much trust in the both of them since my husband and I had our last problem and she almost moved in. The other night my husband and I were having a little fight. The next thing I know she is on the phone with him asking if I'm here or if we are fighting or if we are ok now. I became extremely upset and took the phone from him and asked her what the hell business was it of hers and told her to call back another time. She called back instantly. He picked up the phone and hung it up. Again calls right back, I pick up and she says...I didn't call to talk to you I called to talk to my daughters daddy! So, I give him the phone, he asks what she wants and she says...I called to tell you what I got her for xmas. Mind you it is after 10 pm at night, my husband and I are having problems and she is insistant like this. It drives me freaking nuts! Am I out of line to ask my husband that he not associate with her for any other reason than things that are neccisary when it comes to their daughter and not to share our personal business with her and not be on such familiar terms with her? I can't handle this anymore! She is like a vulture waiting for me to leave. She even calls his family and bad mouths me. And his sister takes her side and says stuff like it was none of my business that his ex wife was at the house when we broke up. Mind you she was there 1 hour after I left!!! What can I do?

Answer 1

Have you told your husband how this is making you go crazy? You should talk to your husband about it- see what he says. Hopefully the two of you can resolve this together.

Answer 2

I can tell that you are extremely frustrated. A sane solution that may help all parties involved is to hire a mediator for picking up/dropping off the daughter. Only meet the ex in a public place. Be friendly, yet firm and say as little as possible. I know that your husband has to answer the phone for his daughters welfare. However, the two of you can get a second private number that she will not have access to...this will help decipher unnecessary calls from her. You may need to have a long talk with your husband so that both of you are communicating on the same page dealing with this situation.

Answer 3

When you start a relationship, with someone that has a passed, always leave the doors closed....(meaning bank accounts, properties, etc) so you could avoid the situation you are living right now. What your husband coulded done is transfer the tittle of the house to his ex wife and the mortgage payment to her. If he would it wanted to have 50% of the property he should it sell it a long time ago when the market was good, now the market is so low, that if he sold it, only he would get 75% or less then the house is worth, I don't think that you should loose your house at all, I think that he should resolve this in court.

Answer 4

This woman sounds like a narcisist. However- it seems like your husband is getting let off the hook too much. Yes, she was the one who tried 2 move into your house- however- he was the one letting her stay the night in YOUR bed!! If I were in your shoes, I wouldnt be able to sleep in the bed anymore. His sister, on the other hand, what is she thinking? Yes she has heard bad things about you- but doesnt she realize it is his EX-wife saying these things. You are his wife now- he married you for a reason- you make her brother happy (or he wouldnt have married you). Seems like yall need a second honeymoon- just the TWO of you. No 11 year old. No psycho ex. No nosey sister-in-law. Just some time to relax and talk things out.

I hope everything works out. Yet if he pulls this crap again and has his ex-wife in your bed an hour after you leave- drop him!

Answer 5

Husbands ex-wife is causing me to lose my mind. help?

Answer 6

I think you need to set up visition for the Daughter adn that be the only contact between the two of them. This is YOUR marriage and you need to take control of it. If things aren't working right, then I tink maybe you should get a Divorce and leave all this drama behind you. I'm sorry ex's can be such a pain, but that is the price you pay for marring a man with baggage.

Answer 7

It is time for your husband to make a decision, is it her or you. Put it that simple. He will then be forced to make a decision. If you two are fighting all the time, you need to consider getting counseling. My husband's ex was making us crazy too, we ended up changing our phone number to an unlisted number, luckily we live 90 minutes apart. The only contact you husband needs with her is when their daughter is concerned, he needs to tell her that, unless he wants her back. He can have a restraining order pressed against her for harassment. Good luck.

Answer 8

You could always be a *****. Treat her like she is your best friend who you have to visit at irregular times and you just have to ring at 10o,clock to tell her what you bought today or her opinion on everything except your husband. Be the friend from hell. Try to get her on your side about little things that you know your husband will disagreed with such as the colour of your daughter dress for whatever. Even if you hate that colour.

Answer 9

How Do I Stop My Friends From Seeing The My Comments On Someone Else's Photo?

Answer 10

Firsst get rid of the bed that your husband and the ex insist on sleeping on , and buy yourself another bed!
ewwwwwwwww, and your husband knew what he was doing, and he wants you both, his cake and pie too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For starters, it is your house, don't leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
change the phone number, and only allow 1 cell number for the ex keep in contact with the dad and child relationship. Turn off the cell phone at the times you guys are very busy, the phone can take messages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The paint, throw it away, and any thing of her throw it away, it is your house, not hers.
Only the child's room should be left alone!
Keep in your heart of the best interest of the child!
Now, you need to bite your tounge, stop nagging and griping all about the ex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You need to bring peace into your home, and yes you are the one who can do this by keeping it a safe envioronment for you and your husband to commuicate.
You need to rekindle the relationship sexually, and do meet all of his sexual needs, and make him feel like a hero, most sexiest man of the world, and that he is the one you love and adored!
This might be hard to swallow for you, but he is all mixed up, with the exwife, and you guys are fighting all the time!!!!!!!!!!!! One thing for sure, she knows how he ticks just as well you do, and you need to be the one who is the sweetest and most affection person who really loves and understand him.
YOu are on his case all the time about the exwife, so you don't need to bring her up in your conservations, or badmouth her in front of your husband or his child. It looks like that to him, that you are the one who is insecure and imature about the situation.
I am just looking at it all angles, and yes you have all rights to be frustrated and upset. But with all this chaos, you are not going to be heard, but ignored, and avoid, and that you may lose your husband all through of your behavior.
Questions are, Do you want to end your marriage with your behavior? Or do you want to look like the wife who summit to her husband and bring him glory?
Don't complain to his family about this either, because, it looks that you are the one who doesn't look good for the husband of all the anger and resentment that you have toward to him.
You need avenues of ranting though, and maybe the yahoo, can be it, to get different views and ideas of handle your situations, so don't complain to girlfriends, his family, your family, and make sure all the negative comments are gone, and that you have change your life, and for the better.
You are going have to try to be sweet to her, and let her know, sweetness way, that your husband is precious to you, and that you love him, and he is the only one, that you see that God has made for you to worship, honour, and love.
You need to be more feminine and more of a lady, than being independence, feminist behaviors, and even to serve him.
Your competition knows what he desires as a man, and a husband and she is also trying to wool him back, because she now knows what she has lost when she threw him away like trash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you understand my view point on this and not to get so angry, I did thought that your purpose is to hold on to this marriage and have it into restoration!
Then one more thing you still need to be apprioated with being a step mother, and show his child that you have uncondiontional love for her and support her as much as possible, it is very important that father's stay in their children's lives and be a positive mentor and hero to their own kids.
Last thing no matter what stop fighting with your husband and have a submission attitude toward to him and give him the respect in his own home, and be sweet, do your role, as a wife, and love and honour him, and yes do appologize to him for all of your actions of behaviors, of jealously.
Jealously gets the best of us, and even makes up acted very poorly and use bad decisions.
work on those issues.