English Deutsch Français Italiano Español Português 繁體中文 Bahasa Indonesia Tiếng Việt ภาษาไทย
All categories

okay well i just wrote this like an hour ago, and i really want to know what you think of it! here it goes...

He is lying hopeless in a bed,
doing nothing but wresting his head.
All the pain he must have went through,
now he’s just feeling blue.
He did everything he could,
he did everything he should.
He did everything he was told,
for his actions were so bold.
He was a hero for what he tried,
he could have kneeled down and cried.
He is loved so much,
we just want to feel his soft touch.
They were having so much fun,
but now its all done.
Because on that awful day,
we still had so much to say.
And if we would have lost another one.
I don’t know what we would have done.
We love you so,
and we just wanted to you know.

please be honest with your thoughts! thanks a ton

2006-12-13 14:24:14 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Friends

13 answers

Ok, I'll be honest - it's overburdened with teenage angst and rhyming words at the end of each line does not make a poem great.

In saying that, who am I to criticise - it's good to see people writing regardless

2006-12-13 14:27:20 · answer #1 · answered by LadyRebecca 6 · 1 1

i like this; it incredibly is something that made me think of...and then extra back many memories. i do no longer comprehend a thank you to assert it (different than wishing i might written it myself!); I in simple terms think of it incredibly is a very good piece!

2016-10-05 07:09:17 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

I think it was a good poem.. needs to be smoothed out a little for timing.. but very pleasant to read! :)

ps.. now you have me wanting to write some again.. lol

2006-12-13 14:36:14 · answer #3 · answered by Frenchie 2 · 0 1

I think the rhyming beat's a little off, but otherwise a fantastic poem.

2006-12-13 14:28:32 · answer #4 · answered by shai brian 2 · 0 1

honestly i liked it so much,it's written in simple way with a very strong words

2006-12-13 14:42:45 · answer #5 · answered by Tara 6 · 0 1

Wow that was pretty good..Makes me want to write again..

2006-12-13 14:39:01 · answer #6 · answered by greeneyesntx 3 · 0 1

very good and meaningful keep the poems coming

2006-12-13 14:36:31 · answer #7 · answered by rk 3 · 0 1

I like it...not sure what exactly it is about. but I like it.

***ps. wresting is spelled resting***

2006-12-13 14:29:46 · answer #8 · answered by jessdjnick 4 · 0 2

wow that was pretty good
who were u talking though?

2006-12-13 14:28:44 · answer #9 · answered by Sexy-C 2 · 0 2

its deep but it lacks rhythm

2006-12-13 14:27:45 · answer #10 · answered by amazing! 2 · 0 1

fedest.com, questions and answers