Im writing a story what do you think so far?

Question

Tell me what you think of my story. Any errors in here? What can I do to make it better? Its not done yet but im working on it. Its about a girl whos really geeky and nery with no frinds. Nexy year she moved schools because she ruined her reputaion at her other school so now shes in 7th grade. she made a Decision that she would have an adventure this year. She had made new friends and they new she wanted to have her adventure. So they dicide to skip school and do something fun! shes not really sure if she wants to do that because she doesnt want to get in trouble. but she does it ayway! There at the mall the movies, arcade they get back to school before the buses leave. and that was the adventure the girl wanted. something like that but i only got this far...

Dear diary,
Tomorrow is my first day 7th grade! I can’t wait! Especially because I get to make new friends! I’m glad I got to leave my other school. I always got teased there because I was one of the smartest students. I really had no friends there. But now I get to start all over.
-Ellie

Riiiing. That was the bell to go to class. When I got there some kids seemed nice. 1st period we got to sit were ever we want. So I sat next to this one girl. I asked her what her name was. “Kristen… what’s your name?” “I’m Ellie.” I smiled. “I’m new here.” “Yeah. I noticed I didn’t see you last year.” I kept smiling because I got a feeling we would be friends! When the bell rang for 3rd period I noticed she was going somewhere else so I wouldn’t have her next.

When the bell rang for lunch I saw her walking so I went up to her and said hi. She was with another girl too. “Hi Ellie! This is Rachel. Rachel this is Emily.” I thought that was nice.

Being introduced to someone new. We all got in the lunch line and got out lunches. I was so happy here. Riiiing!

All three of us had the same class next. How cool is that!! In 7th period I just couldn’t wait for the bell to ring so I could tell my mom about the new friends I had made! Riiiing!! The bell!

When I got home I ran to mom “I have some good news!” I said. “I have some good news too.” She said. “You go first”. “Today at school I met this girl Kristen and then she introduced me to Rachel. We all ate lunch together. Isn’t that so cool?” My mom smiled. She was glad I’m making new friends! “So what’s your good news?” “Oh… umm Ill tell you later.” She said. “Ok” I ran upstairs and started some of my homework.

The next day

Answer 1

first off, seems you know how to construct a coherrent sentence, which is saying alot. One thing I noticed, you need to be more descriptive, as in show, just don't tell the story. There are five senses, use them as much as you can. Watch your tenses, in a few places you jumped from past to present in the same thought. Hope this helps ;)

Thomas

Answer 2

you've gotta be careful with diary type stories. You'll get questions about ellie's memory if you include every little detail about her days in school. You haven't so far, so you can get away with it. As far as the story goes, if you want me to be Simon cowell honest, I'd say it was too cliché or too basic, being as there are (large number here) other novels that start out more or less like this. But, since this is only the first few paragraphs, I can't really say too much. For all I know, what looks like you're average junior high drama/romance might turn out to be an intergalactic battle.

Wait...I just read the rest of your details up there. I don't call that an "adventure". I call it "skipping class." One thing you need to know: you can't have a novel without conflict. I don't see any conflict in that, besides "will they get caught skipping class?" Lame. Get something bigger in there. I don't mean you need an intergalactic battle, but a conflict big enough to support a novel.

Answer 3

in my view..i does no longer shop reading. it incredibly is slightly boring, and that i do no longer advise making Cory "emo/scene" regardless of, because of the fact many individuals are annoyed with those subcultures and you would be able to desire to no longer get many readers. additionally, i might advise have sentence type, and attempting to apply distinctive words. attempt to apply some greater metaphors, because of the fact i'm no longer probably comprehend-how what the situation looks like. additionally, whilst describing Cory, you would be able to desire to perhaps pass slightly greater into element. Plus, once you're saying "finally somebody like me!" you're able to make it say "finally somebody like me! i assumed" yet perhaps if i had a greater effective experience of what the plot replaced into, i could be greater involved. super first attempt nevertheless =]

Answer 4

Very interesting. And it's a diary type of book I love those types.

Good Luck! ; )

Answer 5

that sounds like a good story

Answer 6

It's great. I hope you'll publish it.

Answer 7

pretty cool!