I am 33 years old married 4 years. I really want to have a baby, but my husband is not ready. He want to wait 2 more years so we can pay off some bills. The thing is, we will always have something we want to pay down. In 2 years, we will probably need another car. I am scared he will say then to wait a few more years to pay that car off.
I have always wanted to be a mom. We have do have some money left over every month and have good jobs. I really want a baby. I think he fears the responsibiltiy and thinks that we can't afford it even though we do have money left over every month.
I want a baby so bad!
I don't want to wait.
2006-12-13 13:37:31 · 16 answers · asked by biracialbeauty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What do I do?
2006-12-13 13:42:18 · update #1
you will never be able to "afford" a baby. It isn't something you can budget for! Your whole life changes including the way you spend your money once the baby comes so you will spend less in other areas and it works itself out financially.
I don't want to be rude... but if you wait then you could run into a bunch of problems you may want to point out to him such as
You will be facing a high risk pregnancy because of your age which could be bad for you and child
And waiting 2 more years... It could take that long to get pregnant!!! Not every body can decide its time and bam it happens.
What if you have trouble getting pregnant... you may have to see a fertility specialist.... more time, more risk to you and child.
People are scared to start families. It is a big step. But maybe you should talk to him and see if there is a bigger issue, because paying off bills seems like an excuse for he is scared ( my hubby used the same one!)
good luck
2006-12-13 13:46:15 · answer #1 · answered by deans_mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to come to a compromise, like you'll start trying next year...that way it would be close to 2 years by the time the baby got here. Sit down and take a good look at the budget and show him the ways you could afford it in the next year or so. Also, you don't know how long it will take you to get pregnant. I'm sure you've brought that up to him already. As a man, I have to say don't push because you don't want it to strain you relationship, so try to be more logical about it and come to a compromise. I'm sure there is a little fear of fatherhood there on his part. It's a huge responsibility for a man to take care of his family. I wish you two the best and hope you will get your wish. BTW, my sister started a family at 36 and she has enjoyed every minute of having her girls. 33 is young!
2006-12-13 13:44:38 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can certainly understand your eagerness. I've had friend who couldn't have a baby and it was very difficult for her emotionally. But as a man and a father I can also understand your husband's anxiety about the added responsibility. I suggest that you agree with him on some concrete financial goals that you can reach within 12-24 months. It may be having some savings in the bank or paying off some bills. Once you are 12 months into your plan you can begin tryiing to get pregnant. I say trying because if you've been taking the pill it may not happen right away. After your husband sees that you are begining to reach your finaincial goals he'll relax about his $$ worries and be as excited as you will be. Of course his concerns may not purely $$. You might try to get him to talk you about his background there may be other reasons that he is anxious about being a father. Good luck and God Bless.
2006-12-13 14:09:03 · answer #3 · answered by father knows best 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think back to the beginning of the relationship and remember what he said about kids. Did he want some right away? Was he the type of guy who got annoyed about kids playing in restaurants? Most likely his views about kids have not changed and maybe you married him hoping he would feel the same way as you when the time was right. I went through this when I dated a guy for a year and I thought I wanted to marry him. All along there were signs he was not ready to get remarried or have any more kids. Well you got one out of two, so maybe that will have to be enough for awhile. From what you are saying in your postl I am under the impression he may not be very excited about having kids. Does he refuse to eat out because of bills? Does he refuse to go on vacations because of the bills?
What it comes down to is whether you are willing to give up your child bearing years in exchange to stay with this person. It may be hard, but it may boil down to his never wanting to have children. You might have to accept this fact to keep the mariage or move on and find someone who shares your dreams. I hope everything works out for the best.
2006-12-13 13:59:29 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one is ever finacially ready to have a baby! Try to talk to him and make sure that the money really is the problem, it sounds a lot more like he's worried about being a dad. If you wait too long you could have complications in the pregnancy, women only have a finite time that they can do this! You know what, try looking on http://www.daveramsey.com/ He'll give you amazing debt advice. Here's the summary of his debt solutions, you'd be amazed how well they work: http://www.mdmproofing.com/iym/babysteps.shtml
You'll be able to be financially stable in no time, and then maybe the real reasons will come out! I hope this helps, and keep your chin up!
2006-12-13 13:45:32 · answer #5 · answered by kameka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The choosing to be parents is a dual decision. Every child should be wanted by both parents. Do not trick him into parenthood!!!!!!! -- you will forever loose his trust. If this man does not want to be a father, you need to confront him of the fact. (In case you didn't know, it costs $250,000 to raise one child to age 20.) If remaining childless is a deal-breaker, then you need to move on, hon. He would never cease to resent such a trick as making him a parent....not fair, hon, just not... not fair to him, and absolutely not fair to a child. If you cannot negotiate this one by yourselves, seek some counseling -- a session or two will help both of you to find out where your head(s) is/are. If it turns out that absolutely and positively no way does he ever wish to be a father, then you have your answer, and if you wish to be a mom, then part as friends, and find someone who does wish to be a dad.... and there are lots of guys your age and older who do indeed wish to be a dad, and have a family.....
2006-12-13 14:00:13 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you just have to talk him into it. you kinda need him...you're right about the money. If you wait until you can afford it you'll find yourself retired. the best way is to get him around a baby that he can hold and cuddle- play with. he may not know it but being a father is love at first sight. and having a kid thinking you're their hero is awesome.
2006-12-13 13:47:38 · answer #7 · answered by La-z Ike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can always "forget" your pills.....
Just kidding. A lot of men are not ready to have children. Perhaps one or two visits to a counselor might help.
2006-12-13 13:45:31 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you truly love him, you will accept the fact that he doesn't want a baby! You can't magically make him ready! Just wait...you can still get pregnant at 35! What is your rush?
2006-12-13 13:44:12 · answer #9 · answered by His Angel 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Discuss it with him. Tell your husband what you just said to all of us, and explain to him your side and that 35 is a little old to be primagravida (first pregnancy)
2006-12-13 13:44:27 · answer #10 · answered by mo_c_mo33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋