i am married..and my husband doesnt know this...i need some 1 to help me in ideas...contact me on yahoo messenger..id-jessy_reeds
i had a fantacy abt this..but i dont know hubbys srate.....hope some 1 will help...i want some 1 who knows the subject to talk with......
2006-12-13 12:57:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
I agree that it's not the sex that ruins the relationship; it's the lie.
I have a couple of questions. First of all, how did you come to receive these emails and phone calls? Usually, swingers don't go the telemarketing route, calling strangers up at random! You have shown interest in this somewhere, somehow and you have propagated some interest. And of course, why wouldn't they be interested? Single (attractive, bisexual) women are called unicorns...because the odds of finding one who is sane and wants to play and finding a white unicorn are about the same. It truly is a couple's activity because the couple goes home that night with one another. The single woman goes home...alone and wishing she had someone to share her experience with. No wonder it's not an attractive lifestyle to them.
But the thing of it is...you're NOT single. You have someone in your life that has an expectation of exclusivity from you. You have agreed to that. If you no longer wish to have that as part of your relationship, you cannot simply do away with it on your own. It is your husband's right to be involved in such decisions. You rape him of his dignity when you make those decisions for him.
What do you do about the invitations? You politely turn them down, telling them the truth: that while you find the idea of swinging fascinating and exciting, you have not yet discussed it with your husband. If the hosts respond with assurances that they "know how to be discrete", run - don't walk. These are opportunists who have NO respect for you or your marriage. Some people say they are not their "brother's keeper", and they will play with people who are cheating on their spouses. My husband and I have a real problem with that, as it condones the kind of dishonesty that we have worked so hard to erradicate from our own relationship. It means that we would be using this other person, and our blindness to her (or his) lack of integrity is a means to an end. This is why we call it RESPONSIBLE non-monogamy. We look out not only for our own relationship, but the well-being of others and their relationships, too.
Do yourself a favour and have a look at the website below. Bring your dilemma to the folks there and you'll get some feedback. But be warned! This is a very pro-marriage community, and they will give advice to you as strong as what would be given someone who had just announced she was jumping off a cliff. It's a very genuine community and they like to help folks out whenever they can. It's also a fantastic place to find good quality (reliable) information about all aspects of swinging. Good luck!
2006-12-14 18:04:10 · answer #1 · answered by intuition897 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly an invitation by phone is a very suspisious method, by email without your consent also makes that something of concern. Putting that a side there is nothing wrong in wanting to experince or try out your desirea. However there are very complex emotions and mind boggling effects that take place both mentally and emotionally.
But here comes the caveat if all relationships in order for them to be succesful the key indrigients are honesty, intergrity and openness. Just as it was pointed out by samiracat its about honesty. Ask your self the following questions?
Am I willing to risk my marriage?
Is it worth risking all I have for my desires?
Bringing out in the open is the best way, ask your partner what he thinks about swinging and take things from there.
2015-05-09 19:50:56 · answer #2 · answered by Zubair Khan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just about everyone I know in the US swing scene TELLS THEIR PARTNER. I'd advise you strongly to do the same.
It's not "bumping bodies" that seems to threaten relationships----it's NOT TELLING THE TRUTH about what's going on, inside your head--IMHO.. I'd recommend you read _The Ethical Slut_ (you should pardon the title) by Liszt and Easton (Greenery Press)---good book on dealing with complex relationships RESPONSIBLY.
He may be OK with an open relationship----and you can sure "pretend" later that he doesn't know, and have a fun, hot time (using safer sex precautions, of course).
Blindsiding people with surprises does NOT go too well with the kink community mantra of "safe, sane, and consensual"---however, your mileage may vary.
2006-12-13 13:16:02 · answer #3 · answered by samiracat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
me personally. HECK NO.
I can understand of your interest being into bdsm when i was in my young days. But i would really see how he feels about this before you do it. And if your both up for it be safe and also remember the consiquences of it possiabley ruining your life and/or your marriage.
2006-12-13 13:03:59 · answer #4 · answered by rayannchick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are married why are you even questioning going? plus i would not tryst a random phone email, either live your fantacy or give up a faithfull marriage.
2006-12-13 13:00:17 · answer #5 · answered by samee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be prepared to contract AIDS
2006-12-13 13:00:24 · answer #6 · answered by Child 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just tell him about it and mabey he can do something!!
2006-12-13 13:00:05 · answer #7 · answered by Britny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋