I just found out that my husbands ex called him about 2 months ago. I found out because one of my best friends called me to appologise because his ex called him from her ( my girlfriends) phone when she had left the room. I don't think that I would be upset except that he hid it from me. So am I right to be mad?
Please no mean answers... I am really upset.
2006-12-13 12:10:39 · 21 answers · asked by deans_mom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we are not speaking now. But I have to add that I have been wondering if there is something going on for a while. I can't put my finger on it but something has been off with him.
Also when my friend called to tell me this she mentioned (as if it were supposed to make me feel better... but in my parinoid mind I took it as a warning) that his ex is divorced now and has a boyfriend that is going to leave his wife now.
2006-12-13 12:36:34 · update #1
Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. We have a very strong relationship but obviously there has been some damage caused that has broken my trust for him. That issue is long done with and I guess I didn't realise that the distrust has stuck with me still, so as many of you pointed out that is the issue that he and I need to work on and talk about. So thank you all again!
2006-12-15 14:57:43 · update #2
Yes, you're right for being mad! With mad, not being the word! Furious, more like it!
I used to get that "treatment" too.
You are right though, it's not talking to the ex part that's the problem, the problem being he HID it from you!
That's a red flag! He'd tell you if there were nothing to hide, right?
I see other red flags too, when you mention things "being off" with your Husband. That's a sure sign of a cover up. what I'd do is talk to him and ask him where you both stand, and the marriage????
Settle it now before the problems develop!
Good luck to you! You don't deserve the coldness!
Sory you have to go through these doubts!
Write me to talk if you ever want to!
2006-12-13 14:21:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should have told you granted...but the thing is as you are the wife...she is the ex. Maybe he was afraid to upset you as you are so obviously upset now. In every other way does he make you feel secure? Is this a big thing to you? Worth breaking up a marriage over...Again he should have told you and not lied...You both need to sit down and talk this one out...
2006-12-13 20:15:30 · answer #2 · answered by e_piphany214 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes i would be more than angry. I would be hurt, upset and enraged-I feel that if this is your husband/wife and they are committed to you (marriage) then they need to let you know when things are going on, and this includes their past relationships and if their exes try to contact them or do contact them---it seems kinda suspicious that he would not tell you and if you think that he is up to something, he might not be. Unless he does not think that this is a big deal, but i guess it is a big deal since she randomly called him, unless he has been talking to her and you are just now finding out about it---i would say the reason he is acting weird is he is cheating on you, is wanting to cheat on you, has cheated on you, or is just feeling guilty about talking to her and guilty that he did not tell you about it! Good luck and keep us posted!
2006-12-13 21:05:20 · answer #3 · answered by SuzyBelle04 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, that depends on what the phone call was about. Did she call to beg him back into her life? Really, you should be secure with the fact that he is YOURS and not HERS. This should offer you some comfort. Maybe he didn't want to tell you because he figured he would get a reaction from you that would be unpleasant. Some guys don't like messes like that. The best you can do is talk to him and ask him why he failed to tell you about it. I am sure after you talk it out, it will be much easier to deal with! Good luck!
2006-12-13 20:34:03 · answer #4 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If my husband’s ex called and he didn’t tell me about it, it wouldn’t be a big deal to me. Why? Because I TRUST him. I suspect that’s what your issue is really about…you don’t trust him. And that’s a much bigger issue then him not telling you about a phone call. But don’t automatically assume that he’s hiding something from you because he didn’t tell you. There’s a very good chance he didn’t tell you merely because he knew it would upset you.
2006-12-13 21:32:55 · answer #5 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that he didn't want to upset you, and it was no big thing, but yes, I would definitly be upset. Talk to him about it. Tell him that he is showing you that he can't be trusted, and if he would've just been upfront with you about what ever the deal is, it would be different. .. there would be communication and TRUST going on. Good luck, honey. I really hope it was nothing.
2006-12-13 20:31:15 · answer #6 · answered by misskenjr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, If I am understanding this correctly, why would that woman call you to tell you that his exwife called your husband 2 months ago? What are her intentions to 1. wait that long to tell you and 2. tell you 2 months after it happened?
2006-12-13 21:31:46 · answer #7 · answered by Leyanis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he thought you would be upset if you knew he had talked to her.
Ask him why he thought he had to hide it and if it sounds innocent let it go.
I would however make sure he knew how important it is in a marriage not to have those kinds of secrets....he doesn't want 2 ex-wives.
2006-12-13 20:32:16 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has he told you why she called? She called him, not the other way around and he had probably already put it behind him before you found out. Hopefully he has told her not to call again and providing she doesn't I would just put it behind me. It sounds to me like she took more advantage of your friend and not somebody that your husband would like to spend much talking to anyway.
2006-12-13 20:31:48 · answer #9 · answered by Scotty 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand and would be mad too but unless you two can communicate, you'll keep getting off base and your marriage will fail. Ask him about getting into marriage counseling.
2006-12-13 21:32:17 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋